My story begins the night of my death. At that moment of the reshaping of my Soul, I was desperately fighting to live when I simply realized that my life was over and I couldn't stop it from happening. When this actuality absorbed my senses, my world went silent and my mind began to clear and turned toward the inevitable.
I thought it surprising that I was strangely calm as I proceeded to cross over from screaming in my head to hold on, to fight, and not give in, to a quiet place of submission and the matter of fact acceptance of my death. I found myself enveloped in a deep, resounding subsistence between the struggle of life, as I knew it, and a physical death realized willingly. I experienced no fear, no pain, no guilt or responsibilities of my life. I was delicately quiet and still in my mind and body, suspended in an unexpected place of escalating peace.
Within this calmness, I embraced the freedom that my dying presented to me and I heard the chains that bound me to a world of expectations and responsibilities crack and break in the cool air. I felt the cool air surround my feet and then move swiftly up toward my head.
It was at this point that I became aware that I was smiling. My smile was actually my last physical awareness before I felt a warm, loving sensation throughout my chest. And within the next moment, I could no longer feel my body and I began observing it as a separate thing, something other than 'me'.
As this separating began to occur, I witnessed an audible, physical and breathtakingly visual vibration as it set out to permeate my calm cocoon. A roaring noise began to escalate and within an instant, I became aware of an intense bright Light off in the distance and I turned my focus toward its captivating dance. The Light's prism of energy and illumination began to spiral and grow and I immediately put forth all my senses into its hypnotic allure. I began to feel the most utterly peaceful, loving sensation and I yearned to move toward and inhabit this Light and the love it emanated. I tenderly lifted my Self up off the bed, focusing on this wonder presented before me. At the same time, I made a conscious decision not to look back down at my body and I began to feel a sense of profound sadness, as I was keenly aware that I was no longer a part of it. I momentarily ached for the friend that had carried my Soul for twenty-four years, yet I was willingly leaving it and all the limitations it held behind. Then, in a fleeting moment, I hesitated as I felt maybe the body needed me. But also in that instant, I was struck with the terror of the pain that it was suffering and I was terrified to return to such a state and I knew that I wasn't going back. And so I continued on.
Once I broke free from my physical body, I was quickly transported toward this loving Light as I moved into a vibrating tunnel that surrounded me and pulled me forward. My Soul leapt with expectancy, exhilaration, and a love beyond anything I could ever describe in human words. The need and all-consuming desire to move through this Lighted tunnel both surprised and excited me as, even though I knew I was dying, this impassioned longing deep within my Soul for an unknown Light Source wasn't what I expected would occur. At the time, I was spiritually consumed by my Catholic faith and my beliefs about what happened at the time of death were based solely on church doctrines, rituals, and rules. I believed that when you died, you went either to Heaven (with a quick stop in purgatory) or Hell. But this powerful, magnetic, unexpected turn of events thrust me beyond anything I was ever told or had imagined would happen at this moment. Yet I hungered for more of this feeling and I pushed on toward the charismatic energy that so brilliantly called out to me.
Continuing to focus on this wondrous Light within the tunnel, I found my Self drifting over treetops that resembled what we would call a negative photograph. I was intrigued, as the Light was getting brighter and more intense. I continued through the negative trees and I began to see shapes of people and heard their incoherent calling out to me. They, too, were in negative form and although I couldn't see them in three dimension, I was somehow aware of who they were. They seemed to be everywhere among the negative treetops and they were welcoming me with waves of passionate encouragement, cheering me on as I began to move through the Light.
I began going faster and faster and within an instant moment of ecstasy, the Light surrounded and pervaded everything I knew as me. Within this feeling, I recognized a remembering as this explosion of wonder and raw newness immediately made me think of being born. The thought that this was the true birthing of my Soul, calmed my newly acquired cognizance and I was spontaneously in love with and in need of this familiar place. I recognized it as a deep yearning within my heart and now I had returned. I knew I was home. I was finally, blessedly home.
As I swirled on within the Light, I felt and saw everything that had happened in my lifetime, every detail in living color. I watched with unattached Self-interest as I re-experienced my life and the choices and Souls I had connected with. The strange sense of dΘjα vu played repeatedly in my mind and just like watching a movie for the second time, I knew how it started, played out, and ended.
As my life experiences passed me by, I suddenly caught sight of my husband Pete and I being married. The swirling Light began to slow down as I watched our short life together unfold before me. I saw a smiling young man, one month out of his teens, peeking around the people standing in the church pews as he watched me walk the aisle with my father. I felt a yearning for him and a great sadness blanketed my joyous heart. It was at that moment, I heard a gentle voice say, 'Not now, my daughter.' Immediately, everything stopped in mid-motion and there was a pervasive, silent stillness all around me. I became confused, wondering who had said that. God?? I began to feel a terrible conflict, as I certainly didn't want to go back 'there,' not to the painful torment, not to my body that was the root of so much shame. Yet, I continued to think of Pete and as I tried to understand what was going on inside my heart, it became clear that he and I weren't finished with our life and that he still needed me. And in that instant, I accepted that I had to go back.
The moment I agreed with my heart that I was to return, I began to spiral backwards in the Light as I entered the tunnel once again, passing the other Souls as I flew through the negative treetops. I opened my mouth to scream out, 'No!!!' Faster and faster I flew, fearful and unable to look backwards toward my unavoidable destination. Abruptly, I was hurled back into a physical reality as I found myself in the dense, dark surrounding of a body that was cold and still. I felt my Self looking around within the recesses of my mind when my body jerked and took a gasp for air. I moaned and then cried out as the pain once again seared through my body.
I reached my arms toward the ceiling and swiftly, the warm hands of someone pulled them down and we struggled for a moment. My agitation quickly gave way to a relinquishment of power and I felt my body go limp. I lay there as the noise in the room moved sharply around me and I could hear a softening in the urgent voices as I quivered when metal instruments were placed upon my chest and arms. And as warm hands replaced these intrusive instruments, I slowly opened my eyes and was immediately aware that there were bright colors and shapes moving around my bed. I was conscious of other people in the room, yet I couldn't seem to focus on anyone in particular. I closed my eyes and submitted to an exhaustive sleep. The last thing I heard as I drifted off into the cold darkness was, 'I can't believe that kid almost died.'
Date NDE Occurred: 1981
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes ruptured ovarian cyst causing internal bleeding and peritonitis Life threatening event, but not clinical death . Internal bleeding and peritonitis.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal An expanded Knowing of Life itself.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While in the Light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time no longer existed.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? Things were vivid but my perception absorbed the extra light with ease.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Through a lighted tunnel towards a light.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes At first only a recognizable voice - in later years, upon my return, I was introduced to The Guides.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I had to get to the light.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm not on the first NDE, but now, the Crystal city of Light is where I am writing (channeling) a series of seven books about the seven different life incarnations of the soul known as IA (oneof The Guides)
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Complete, unconditional love and a sense of going Home.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Watched a movie of my life up until my marriage.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Not initially.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist staunch Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Totally, from staunch Catholic to Doctorate of Divinity in New thought, ancient wisdom.
What is your religion now? Liberal Doctorate in Divinity (June 20060 New thought, Ancient Wisdom
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Totally, from staunch Catholic to Doctorate of Divinity in New thought, ancient wisdom.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Absolutely - my book begins with 'Welcome to The Knowing'.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes A bit of caution in choosing who I shared with, initially, however, now, it is what it is and there is no turning back or denying anything - it is my life's work.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was a 'feeling' experience, nothing that could be defined in words.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Ability to see the human aura - and the introduction of seven Spirit Guides.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The voice within the Light.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Kept it pretty much a secret until diagnosis of diabetes ten years later.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No None at all.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real. Couldn't believe or understand it, due to my catholic upbringing - however, after a visit to a catholic priest, everything all changed. He, believe it or not, handed me Raymond Moody's just released book 'Life After Life' and told me to seek and learn.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. The amazing miracle of The Guides and the verified readings I do for others.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Return to the other side daily during deep meditation.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am blessed to be entrusted with this miracle.