Experience Description

I was taken to hospital on Boxing Day after having been sick with the flu for ten days. At that time, I was diagnosed with streptococcal pneumonia, streptococcal septicemia, and Escherichia coli infection of the kidneys. I was sick. I was also in denial of my illness and wanted to go home. I have three children, it was Christmas, and I wanted to be with them. I was admitted, against my will, to the intensive care unit. That night I went home. I somehow arrived home to be with and watch my family, but they didn't know I was there. I sat in the living room and watched them with their gifts. I was peaceful in that place. My boys are sixteen, eight, and one and half years old and I felt good then, as I always did in real life, about their ability to love and care for each other. But I also knew that my job wasn't done. I knew I had to go back to the hospital.

When I returned there was a nurse looking at me in a strange way. Also, there was a doctor there. Someone said that my blood pressure was up to some level that I knew was too low (maybe 80/40) and I told them, they had the wrong person. At the same time, a pager went off over head that alerted medical staff that I was in code blue. I decided that I would need to go home again and that whatever was happening was not going to finish in that room at that point in my life.

The next few days were foggy but by January, 10th I was released and I returned to work at the end of that month.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: December 27.1999

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death Septic shock.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I saw myself at home in my usual form. I was watching myself.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Medically I don't think I was very alert although I was conscious. In other ways I was very alert and conscious.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I thought I was home for three days and when I told the people at the hospital that it was Thursday (since I'd been home) they told me it was only Monday. I was sure surprised!!!

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Maybe a tunnel - both ways.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw my family but we did not communicate - they didn't know I was there.

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm My home and my children.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, comfort, satisfaction with my role as a parent, a need to go on and finish a job, no fear, abandon to fate or God or whatever, no responsibility for what would happen next.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I felt that 'the world was unfolding as it should'. I knew that all was right with the small part of the world that I was responsible for, and I felt confirmed in the role that I have had with children (as a school social worker) for many years.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I decided to come back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I feel less tolerant toward some ideas and attitudes and less connected to people who were not a part of this experience. Those I visited I am closer to, but I don't feel that I can talk about this to others and that makes me feel apart.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Others don't understand what I'm talking about even though it's very clear to me. The time frames are hard to describe.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It was all good - the bad part has been the aftermath. It would have been useful if I knew not to talk about it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Not positive. I made an off-hand comment at work about 'someday I'll tell you about my out of body experience' and I am now undergoing a major review after twenty years. My spouse doesn't really want to get into it. Most of the time I feel really alone.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Despite the physical and other aspects of the experience, I still cherish the insight and emotion that accompanied it - I would welcome another but I still want to come back!!!