I don't recall what happened, where or when. My mother died before she would tell me very much about it. She said that I was pronounced dead at an Emergency Room, and the doctors brought me back.
All I remember is through a persistent dream I have of being in a dark place but not being afraid. There was a radiating warmth engulfing me. I seem to remember it FELT like a white or gold light. I don't recall seeing this light, just feeling it. It also felt like love I have never known.
The radiating 'light' was telling me things telepathically. No words transpired until I asked a presence I felt there with me, 'Am I going now?' The presence answered, 'No, it's not your time yet.' Even now, I'm not sure actual words were spoken. Perhaps it was more telepathy.
There is a missing part of my life where I don't remember where I was or how or when I got home. But I was a different person.
I had knowledge of things there is no way I could have known because I had next to no religious upbringing. My religious training consists of going to the Catholic Church (Latin Masses) with one grandmother and then going to a church with the other grandmother where there seemed to be so much yelling from the minister.
Around this time, I was dating a musician. We were backstage before a concert and the guys were clowning around. I don't remember what was said, but I definitely remember what someone said to him. 'You better go to Church and ask God to forgive you.'
I looked at my boyfriend and asked 'Why would you look outside yourself for God?' My boyfriend was raised 'in the church' and he started questioning me about what I had said.
I told him that 'God' for lack of a better word, lives in all of us, that even the Bible says the Kingdom of Heaven is Within. That 'God' knows what we want before we even ask because He lives in us. That 'God's' many mansions are each and every one of us. That 'God' says He will be with us until the end of the age, again, because he lives in us. That 'God' hears all of our thoughts and acts accordingly. Good Thoughts equal good behavior; Bad thoughts equal bad behavior. What we think, so we will be.
My friend asked me who told me this and my only answer was 'I don't know.' I really didn't know where the words were coming from. I couldn't believe they were coming from my mouth.
The result of this story is a published song called 'Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts' that is on the 'Standing on the Verge of Getting It On' LP that was released in 1974 by the band Funkadelic. I guess my NDE happened before 1974.
Since my mom told me in the truth 2007, more and more of what I learned is bubbling up. I am ecstatic.
For reasons I can't explain, my friend who wrote the song visits me in spirit form. He died in 1992. We were so incredibly close and now the closeness is back. He has become sort of a guardian over me. He helps me in the most unbelievable ways. I don't know if my NDE or my friend taught me that the Universe wants to help me and is always sending me messages. I have become much more aware of them. It's a completely new life for me. Every day is amazing.
I learned compassion and strive to help others. It's not about me. I am filled with love and much more aware of negativity around me - and there is no place for it in my life anymore. I feel so completely free.
My only regret is that my family kept this from me for so many years; over thirty years of not knowing why I knew things before they happened. Thinking I was crazy. I went through years of psychological counseling. My mom's last words to me were they decided since I didn't remember, why bring it up? I could have been so fulfilled for so many years. As I reflect back, someone or something was trying to tell me things and I fought believing the thoughts were real.
Date NDE Occurred: 'I'm not sure, I didn't find out about it until 2007'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes I don't recall what happened although I believe it was connected to a criminal attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I believe I had excessive bleeding. In my nightmare, I am in a vat of icy water that is dark red. Before my mother died, I asked her about this and she said it happened; then wouldn't tell me anymore. I now have Hepatitis C from blood transfusions. This was discovered in 2005.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just before I asked if I was going (to stay). I didn't want to leave. I have no fear of death anymore. I sometimes am asked to talk to people who are nearing death. I tell them just to go; there is no pain and nothing to fear.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. At the time, there was just darkness. But NOW there is much more clarity in my surroundings. A sharper focus.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Sometimes I hear things, but I'm not sure what it is I'm hearing. Sometimes things come through very clearly. I hear things other people don't.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I knew there was a presence with me, but I never at any time saw it.
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I felt the light more than see it, but there was color to it. A warm white/gold light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm it was dark, every thing that happened was "felt".
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Pure love. Pure acceptance of me as me. That in spite of myself I was loved in a way that isn't humanly possible.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future My intuition is very strong and I have premonitions. I just know things and can't explain how I know them.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate 'I had very little religious background growing up. Mom was Catholic, Dad Southern Baptist.'
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now meditate to remember more of what I was taught. I still read the Bible and other religious books, but with a new eye now. I am at peace with myself. I know 'God'.
What is your religion now? Liberal 'None. I don't belong to any organized religion. I follow what I was taught when I ''died''.'
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now meditate to remember more of what I was taught. I still read the Bible and other religious books, but with a new eye now. I am at peace with myself. I know 'God'.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That we are all connected with everything that exists, trees, the grass, the sky, the clouds, etc.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I have little tolerance for pettiness. I rarely argue with people. I don't hate anymore. Dislike, perhaps, but there is no hate in me.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Because my NDE wasn't verified until 2007, my experience comes from several years of dreams and nightmares.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Since I was a child, I have had that 'knowing' feeling but never understood what it was. Intuition and premonitions are very strong; dreams are much clearer with lots of lucid dreams.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? A dramatic change in my view of religion. Religion is man-made. All we need to know is inside us all along.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I only found out in 2007. It's only been since mid-2008 that I've been able to talk about it. I hesitated even then, not wanting to be labeled crazy.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real This is difficult to answer. If it weren't for the persistent dreams, I would have dismissed the whole thing. But I knew something made me 'different' from other people. After my mom told me that it happened, I knew my dreams were real. She also said the doctors told her I was speaking a language they had never heard.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Strangers tell me they 'feel' serenity radiating from me. It's like I have channels in my consciousness that I wasn't aware of before. Coincidences aren't coincidences, they happen for a reason. The reason may not be obvious at the time, but the reason eventually shows itself.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes One time I was very upset over a break-up and didn't want to cry in front of the people I was staying with. Please help me, I begged. I felt the pulsating white/gold warmth flow through me again. I knew everything would be fine. And it was.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Just that it's still very new to me and I'm remembering and learning so much.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think it's fine as it is. Like I said, it helped me put things in order.