I had a near death experience several weeks ago (May 1999) as a result of attempted suicide. The next several hours changed my life forever. Like many, I saw myself lying there, totally out of my own body. I had had many doubts up to that night of whether God really existed; how could He put me through all the hell I had gone through, if He really did exist? I felt guilty, but I could not help it. I felt God had not 'carried me' as the 'Footprints' poem had said.
God is with me now, every minute of each day and I know it; I feel him. I was told I didn't need to go back, but I knew God wanted me to. I struggled hard with that deep feeling of incredible love and whatever was so wonderful. (I hated the world I had just come from and simply couldn't cope any longer; years of heartache and a feeling of sheer helplessness to change anything.) My NDE lasted for two to three hours, and I was wide-awake for at least an hour of it.
The weirdest thing is, there is way too much about that night I cannot remember -- I know that I was answering bunches and bunches of questions and testing God's presence, because I just couldn't believe the experience, BUT he showed me without a doubt the wonder of the presence. I say presence, because I have discovered that God is simply a body that we as humans have to put 'Him' into. He is far too great and wonderful to be humanistic. God is a presence, an existence so wonderful, so beautiful. I am no longer scared of death; I was, but not now. I share my feelings of God to everyone who will listen; however, not my NDE, since I fear too many will not understand. If I could remember more details maybe then I would. However, God gave me only the memories I now have, for a reason. My newfound relationship fills me with such a joy and I cherish it. My desire to help others is beyond words and my desire to do God's work, too. What he wishes me to do at this point is not clear right now, but I feel it will be, really soon! I met with a really special person just the other night that is going to help my fifteen year old ADD (attention deficit disorder) child. I have a strange feeling that this is my destiny, or rather my direction -- maybe.
I find it hard not to CRY when I talk about this; I am welling up now, just thinking about it. There seemed no reason why God would not just let me die. It was the second time I had tried to kill myself, but he has brought me back AND I have promised Him never to try suicide again. I talk to Him all day long. In the car, in the kitchen. People probably think I am nuts when they see me talking to myself at times. Little do they know I am talking to the greatest of ALL!
I was initially drawn to a bright light and a being, who, I do not know for sure. When I came back, the incessant questions started. I answered them, quicker than I have ever answered anything in my entire forty years! I knew the answers? If I answered wrongly, I would have made the decision to leave Earth.
Still not sure, I remember asking God to prove himself! After all that, I am now very ashamed, but He did PROVE himself.
I was able to control, at will, this tickle in my stomach and more so, movements of my husband, lying in bed beside me. Twisting and turning and opening his eyes, momentarily! It was so strange. I was not dreaming! Most people would think I belong in the 'Nut House'.
The 'ultimate' was consciously getting out of bed and touching a green vase on my dresser. I asked for TOTAL proof of his existence when I turned around. HE GAVE IT TO ME!!! What it was I cannot tell you now, BUT it was wonderful!
I know without a doubt he exists and I cherish his LOVE for me. As I said, I am ashamed I ever doubted his presence. I leave all decisions in my life to God now and ask his advice before I take actions; or I try to. We are all blessed and God loves us all.
--- Norma ---
Date NDE Occurred: May 1999
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Attempted suicide with overdose on massive quantity of Wellbutrin and Tylenol- medication. Attempted suicide due to feelings of absolute helplessness. I felt like I had turned to doctors, therapists, etc. to no avail. After years of despair NOTHING had changed my life and never would!
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Mostly cognitive, sometimes very much alert and well aware of it!
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain What is there to describe if you do not know?
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes God and possibly angels.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Not frightening; God was there high to the right.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I don't remember many things.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Immense wonder at everything and total love from God.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Already discussed.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I was meant to go back and try my best at being the best I could be; there was more there for me - I had a mission.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future A need to go back and try harder to be the best I can be and help others. Spread the word of God. It is now happening!
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I struggled hard with that deep feeling of incredible love and whatever was so wonderful. (I hated the world I had just come from and simply couldn't cope any longer; years of heartache and a feeling of sheer helplessness to change anything.)
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes A need to spread the word of God and His existence.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Remembering all of the details.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best was that I have found God, the worst is that I cannot remember much of the experience.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Not very many. I share my feelings of God to everyone who will listen; however not my NDE, since I fear too many will not understand. If I could remember more details maybe then I would.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Only that I feel God gave me this experience to prove his presence and explain himself to me. As I said, God is simply a body that we as humans have to put 'Him' into. He is far too great and wonderful to be humanistic. God is a presence, an existence so wonderful, so beautiful. I am no longer scared of death; I was, but not now. God gave me only the memories I now have, for a reason.