Experience Description

When I was nine I had chicken pox. Some of the bumps developed boils. My mom tells me my face got puffy. I used to play hard out of doors, pretending I was a horse. One day I felt like I was going out of my head. I knew something was wrong.

My mother thinks I remained at home first. She told me I went to the hospital for a week. The experience happened when I was in the hospital. I do not recall anything about the days after feeling like I was fading, until the experience in the hospital.

I found myself in an ethereal place of light. Safe. Not warm, nor cold, just safe. I am not in my body and down there in a little circle in this place but not of this place there is the world with color and my mother's and the doctor's faces are in the little circle, looking at me, so worried. I feel immense love and compassion for my mother who suffers and looks like she is losing me. The doctor looks as if in pain. Even though I am above them, I can see their faces looking at me. I absolutely know what is going on.

I am suspended in the light for a while. I know I could choose where to be. I chose to be with my mom.

My mom and the doctor thought they almost lost me.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1955 I believe

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness nephritis Life threatening event, but not clinical death My mother didn't know how serious my illness was at first. The doctor later told her they nearly lost me. My Mom still speaks of the guilt of the doctor: She over-reacted, keeping me on penicillin for 7 years thereafter.I had nephritis.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I am bathed in light that is alive. It is beyond description in words. I got out of my body

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Of another world.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There is something immense about this place. The world where my mother and doctor are is very small and has boundaries. This place has none.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? There is no sound.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain No specific light, everything is light, including me. I am of this light, out of my body. The only place is this little circle down below in the corner, kind of as if it is my peripheral vision. Where my mother and doctor were was separate from where I was.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The place of this whitish light is beyond words. The light is alive there. I was okay there.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, a radiating love, and love for my mother.

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I returned knowing death isn't scary. I developed an immense love for Native people and seemed to have a sense of purpose and knowledge of Native peoples. This is difficult to explain. I was confined to bed for six months and I wasn't allowed to play much for over a year. The kids at school teased me horribly. I became a troubled teen. My mom took me to a psychologist. I think my mom had problems, too. The psychologist told me my mom had problems because of me. This impacted me. I tried to hide parts of myself. I went through a crazy period in my teens. I put all of my pain and hurt into music and sang solos with the choir, etc. I think I knew about things other people couldn't understand. I know there is purpose in being here, and every day it comes to me as per what is in front of me. I am very sensitive to people. My middle brother became lost after taking LSD. I knew how to bring him back. I don't know how I knew, it just comes to me. That is because of my experience.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I myself consciously decided to go back. I could have stayed there. I can still see inside me the qualities of that place, the living light.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The answers are all inside me. There is no fear of death. I am comfortable with it. I exercised racehorses for a long time. Although I knew fear when I did that, I also knew death rode on my shoulder with me. I became fascinated with the teachings of the Yaqui Indian, Don Juan, and how death rides on one's shoulder. I am comfortable with Death there. I do not challenge Death, I just know it is part of being in this Life. There is something about me that is very giving, to everything I do in this Life. It is about service and love.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I feel things others do not. I think that is why my family thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had to hide something about myself. I turned my life force inward and became emotionally ill. The only way out of my illness was to go on a quest. I went alone to South America. I followed my heart in doing this. The means presented themselves to me. Three months later I returned, and my leaving emotional illness behind. The journey reinforced my sense of purpose, and I have been on purpose ever since.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best is my sense of purpose and how to connect with others. I even have a feel for inanimate objects. Native peoples understand this. The worst part is that I was the Stranger in a Strange Land. In the long run, I am deeper and stronger because of everything.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I finally told my mom. My father is near Death. I seem able to make friends with other NDE people. We have these things in common: sensitivity, purpose, integrity, no fear of death, spirituality, love of others.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes In South America in the ancient Inca ruins of Macchu Picchu, something happened to me. Afterwards I felt stronger in myself, having reconnected with something that seemed to be missing because of the peer abuse I suffered. Also I had an experience in San Francisco. Both experiences were when I was in my twenties. At these two times and other times, I experimented with substances. I carefully chose the places and times; I knew this to be important for me. Like Ram Das says about phone message machines, once I got the message, I did not need to keep replaying it. I evermore study and learn new things, new ways of being, communicating, etc. Everything just reinforces something inside of and beyond me.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I suppose these are all very individual experiences. If you have anything else to ask after you read this, please do!