I saw Heaven and there were white clouds, which didn't look so much like clouds but more like large puffy cotton balls. It felt wonderful and warm. A very bright light hit my eyes but did not dazzle me. It was so quiet and peaceful. I wanted to stay in that place. I so much did not want to leave that location! I was wearing a summer dress and felt like a happy little girl. Then out of the clouds came a pair of big wonderful hands! I reached out to take hold of them. The hands were comfortable, warm and soft. I felt totally secure, fine, and safe having a strong grip on these hands. I knew, 'I'm home.' After happily holding these hands for a while, I suddenly I heard a voice that told me that I had to release those hands and go back. I start to cry and scream, full of despair, 'Please don't leave me, and I want to stay here!' The voice answered, 'You have to go back.' I had a strong grip on the hands, but then they started to recede back into heaven, and my hands stayed where they were.
After all that happened, I woke up and found out that I had been in a coma for seven weeks. That peace, which surrounds me still, that endless feeling of safety, I have never forgotten, and will never forget, from that day onward. The pain of my longing to go back to that place stayed with me for a very long time.
I couldn't do anything myself about going back there, because I was very sure that if I committed suicide, I would not go back to that place. Suicides go to another place.
Date NDE Occurred: 19.4.2009
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Direct head injury Schädel-Hirn-Trauma und Polytrauma nach Sportunfall mit dem Rennrad Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I was in a bicycle race. During the race, I had an accident, fell off the bike and hit my head on the asphalt. Even though I was wearing a helmet, the base of my skull, several fingers, both knees and my collarbone were all broken. The worst thing, which was life threatening, was my brain injury. My Glasgow Coma Scale score (GCS) was 5 out of 12 possible points.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal At the time of the impact, I went into a coma. The whole time I was in my coma, I saw my relatives and still remember on which side of my intensive-care bed they were standing while they waited to talk to me. I saw the colors, green and white, that the room was decorated in. I saw the clothes the doctors were wearing, but I can't put these observations into an exact timeframe. The whole time I felt totally secure, holding those hands. I was observing the people in my hospital room not from my bed where my physical body was lying, but from somewhere high above them.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I went into a coma at the time of the impact. So I cannot recount this experience exactly as it happened. While in my coma, I saw my relatives who had come to visit me, and I was aware of them the whole time. Even though I had been in a coma, I could later remember on which side of my bed they had been standing. I saw the room's colors (green and white) and I also saw the clothes the doctors were wearing and could remember those later, as well. The whole time I was in my coma, I felt very safe. The hands I was holding in that other place made me feel safe, too. I observed the people in the room from a location way above my bed.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
In that place there exists no time and no space the way we think of them. There are no clocks or any rhythm. Everything happens at the same time and is never-ending.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see people far away. I saw what they were doing without them knowing it. I observed everything from above, but also, I could sense what was going on inside people. I could tell what they were feeling and thinking. Everything was more bright and more clear than normal, and the meaning of what was happening was totally clear, without my thinking about it or having to ask why things were happening the way they were.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. While watching people from above, I realized that I could also hear them. I could hear them talking about 'what we should eat for dinner,' and some wild discussions. It seemed that I was able to hear everything and also see everything in one moment, all at the same time.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I had to go through somewhere. It seemed that I traveled through several worlds before I arrived in heaven and found those hands which seemed to be coming out of the clouds.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Es war - wie ich heute glaube - der Himmel jedenfalls so wie wir ihn sehen können oder ihn uns vorstellen. Jeder Verstorbene scheint dort seinen eigenen Platz auf einer Wolke zu haben, den niemand anderer haben kann. Es gibt dort nur Freiden, keine Auseinandersetzung und Platz für jeden. Auf diesen Wolken kann man reisen bzw. reisen verstorbene und sehen den menschen von oben zu.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, warmth, incredible relief, protection, lightness, freedom, no need for anything, arriving to find my home again, love, and happiness.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now have a deep spiritual faith, a faith in the Universe. For most people, there is little understanding of the human spirit, of eternity and of the arrival at that other life when we die. Faith in these things that are higher nature is difficult to communicate because they are not easily described using words. The truth has no name; it is simple, but only people who have had this experience know what it is, because they have felt it.
What is your religion now? Liberal 'Kein religiös kirchlicher Glaube, da ich ausgetreten bin aus der katholischen Kirche.
Einen tieferen, spirituellen Glauben aufgrund meiner Erfahrung habe ich jedoch.'
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now have a deep spiritual faith, a faith in the Universe. For most people, there is little understanding of the human spirit, of eternity and of the arrival at that other life when we die. Faith in these things that are higher nature is difficult to communicate because they are not easily described using words. The truth has no name; it is simple, but only people who have had this experience know what it is, because they have felt it.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I could see and feel everything regarding other people, and I knew what was going to happen in the future. I had endless knowledge about things in the Universe. But I had to leave there and lost all that.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My relationship to strangers is totally changed. I see strangers in another light; I'm not so trustful now. I have made some very hard decisions about deep personal relationships and superficial acquaintances, which I don't like anymore. The deepest relationship I have now is to nature and the natural world.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It has been very hard to find the words to express the images and impressions that I have seen and experienced. The German language ties my hands, because German does not contain the words that would allow me to describe my experiences accurately. It is very hard to describe emotions and feelings in German.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I could feel the feelings of other people I didn't know. I could feel, for example, if a man sitting in a car in front of me had a heart problem, or if someone near me was feeling very badly.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Over a long time period of time and with people who lived a distance from me. Their reaction usually was to suggest I was imagining things. So I stopped speaking about my experience and just thought about it by myself. After a time it seemed to become smaller and less important to me.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real I believed it had been an illusion caused by my serious brain injury. At that time, the brain injury did cause me to have some problems distinguishing between memories and thoughts, so I was confused about this one.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Those emotions, impressions, visions, that I had these cannot be made up or invented by a person, even in cases of brain injury such as I had. Neurological trauma does not produce such experiences. Even today, three years after my accident, I have a strong remembrance of everything, which I saw, heard and felt during each moment. I remember that longing pain and my desperation, when, during my coma, I was in that wonderful light in Heaven, and then found I had to leave, that I was not going to be allowed to stay. If it were just a brain illusion caused by my injury, why would I feel such a strong pain after coming out of my coma just looking up in the sky and seeing clouds? These visions are still in my heart, just the way they actually happened and they are unforgettable.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I had thirteen intravenous infusions of intensive medications to lengthen my coma in an artificial deep sleep to allow me to heal.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I like to share my experience in order to allow other people to gain a greater understanding and sense that there exist things other than what we perceive on the Earth. Even though I can't explain my experiences in such a way that people will just believe me, my trying to can let people know that other people who have gone through NDEs are not 'crazy', 'superstitious', or 'just imagining things'. When enough of us are all saying similar things about this next dimension, people will start to get the message that there really is a life after our Earthly death. More people will be accepting of the message, and that will encourage other people who have had NDEs to talk about them. I needed many months before I was able to talk about mine. Today I share it gladly and I like to talk about it in as much detail as I can.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Questions about timing are hard to describe because I was in a coma for a long time, and, although many things happened, I have no idea at what time they occurred. I can describe things I've seen or felt, but not at what time or in what order they happened.