I was singing on stage, I was in the 7th month of pregnancy, and I suddenly got this tension around my stomach. As we arrived in hospital, it was clear that my blood pressure was too high. The next day I was operated on for a C'sarian section. During the hours before the operation, I experienced 5 times the feeling of a 'presence', which helped me to ease my mind and accept everything that happened, whatever it might be. This 'presence' was very, very clear and sometimes I saw images of the things, which would come.
During the surgery, I suddenly was in a world of light and I was lying on some kind of a table. All around me there were some kind of wise men/women. There was a moment of talk or conversation about whether I would stay there: where it was light and easy, or whether I would return. I was really experiencing a deep freedom of will and I hesitated because I saw something in the future, and also physically, which made me doubt. I was afraid. But after a moment of doubt I decided to 'return'.
Then one of them pressed with his hand on certain points of my body, as if he was repairing the body by fixing some buttons. All 'buttons' were at a special distance as if my body had a 'system' of buttons, which made it work. After this 'cosmic repair', I felt a very heavy pressure on my chest (re-animation?) and a strange and very quick and fluid feeling as if I was going through a tunnel of time. When I was almost 'down' I clearly heard my husband and a friend yelling at me 'hold on' hold on' you will succeed!'.
These two were the ones that were in the hospital at that time. Now afterwards, as I was 'back' I was on the first 'aid' and I knew I had been somewhere else. But 'the wonders' didn't stop. Because the nurse forgot to give me a medicine after the operation, I was in very, very much pain.
I got a card from a friend with 'energy'; I put it on the wound on my belly, which hurt so much. In the middle of the night I saw a hand, almost a physical hand but it was not, which wiped out the pain in my belly. It was a very, very special feeling. Then, after 24 hours I held this very tiny little child on my chest, I said something, and he opened his eyes: so blue and so nice. Although he looked as strange as an E.T. because of his brownish color and 1500 grams, a big head, small hairy body and very tiny fingers. Anyhow, when he was on my chest I felt this marvelous, so very special feeling, which is revered to be a 'mystic union'. We were totally 'one' although the child and I were two persons. As he lifted his arm, I was lifting my arm, although I was sure that he was not me. This strange 'oneness' and openness of my soul kept on for some time. (It also made me very empathetic for other people's pain. I was sure it was my own state of mind, my extended 'field' of awareness.)
This faded out slowly day after day, but as my son was young and ill, I always woke up some moments earlier before he cried. After some time I was certain that there was 'a field' by which we communicated telepathically. It was without any doubt.
Date NDE Occurred: 4th of November 1997
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth Other: 'During operation, cesarean birth of my child. I had hellp syndrome and think that there was reanimation during the operation, because I went 'back' as I felt a very, very strong pressure on my chest, more times.'
I was being poisoned by the mother-illness: HELLP syndrome [Editor's note: HELLP syndrome is a life-threatening obstetric complication usually considered to be a variant or complication of pre-eclampsia.]
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I did describe already and as I answered the above question I was surprised myself: I of course was separated from the physical body, but I was complete with this body with buttons.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As I was communicating, with what I would call 'the enlightened ones', I surely was on a level of consciousness which I think I never had or maybe never have?? This is a difficult question because I am so aware that people will say that I saw it in a dream: the surgeon at work, but it was not a dream. I myself am very sure that at the moment of physical surgery, if needed, there are 'enlightened ones' who helped during the surgery and I was connected to them: because it was my 'home'. I was certainly in contact about my destination and what to do in this difficult situation. I also was so much aware of the painful body 'down there' in which I did not want to return.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No Especially 'on returning' there was this very, very speedy feeling, as if I came back like a rocket into time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My awareness was expanding slowly and also returning slowly to a more 'normal' level. I am sure it has something to do with a field of energy which can grow and become very vivid at times and then opens up to unseen worlds, which by the way, are more than just one light world; and that it works by 'the buttons' I felt when I was 'up there'.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard clearly outside voices as well as inside voices: these worlds are not as separated as it seems to others.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I certainly did as I came 'back' with incredible speed of time and it felt as if it was a tube.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No I merely felt this light instead of 'seeing'; it was these 'helpers' which were certainly light beings.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Being happy where I belonged there and also being responsible for something 'at home' on earth. Afraid of physical pain and afterwards my body was very painful.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I did feel, know, there came difficulties, I did not know exactly which ones and this made me hesitate to return. Now I know exactly why, because there had been a very difficult time after the birth with my husband. After 14 years, we separated and now, at this moment I even am separated from my son for 3/4 of a year. We are in counseling, but I certainly grew in such a different direction.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I did write about this. I really was free to choose if I would stay there or not, in a split second I chose to return. It was as if I was at a gathering and me and my helpers were exchanging information and then I made my decision.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I was open minded and had been witness of my brothers'death after a car accident, many years before,and to me it was clear that there was 'more'. I had seen my brother after his death several times. He had gripped my hand as if he were alife..and parted later on. So it was not believing in something, but experience of 'more' and this time I was 'out there'
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I try to meditate, but I am not very consistent with it. Sometimes I do it for a period and then I forget again. But by making music or by writing I feel this deep connection often.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths In my life there were several such peculiar events that I have developped a very holistic view of life, but I am not part of a movement.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I did have some experiences with 'afterlife'like with my brother who died..but this was an other 'region' which I could not have imagined to exist. I think my son was very carefully guided to earth, in spite of my illness. And I hope I will sometime be able to talk about it with him, He doesn't want to be part of it already for years, so we do not talk about it anymore for years.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes So many, I cannot tell.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I can only say it was more of them, surrounding me, and I call it 'helpers'.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No No I did not see family or some of these holy persons, but it certainly were 'enligthed ones'
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain Because of the moment of choice I certainly came back with a certain feeling about afterlife and pre-existence or maybe 'timeless' parts of myself.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I did describe very clearly above
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists┬
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes But ever since I know the enligthed beings have also work to do, so this is a pity for all the people who would like to rest for ever.(after death) Since this time I am writing playwrights and I always put in it some jokes about time and awareness because to me it is true 'to be or not to be..that's the question'and we have a dutch 17th century writer who has a lovely poem about the same. this Constantijn Huygens did have very vivid dreams during the night after he had lost his wife. (already in the 17th century!!)
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Described above.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain As the question is put I did not, but I felt this special responsibility to go 'back'and this certainly gave a deep sense of meaning to my life afterwards. So after this experience I was very much more dedicated to the innermeaning of life, and was more i
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I did already explain that I was part of this heavenly surgery and gathering and it was as vivid as lif-experiences and it was not because of surgerydrugs, because I was fully aware of what was happening, although time was changing..I even felt or saw som
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain I felt part of a larger union, I am sure we all are. I have a body which is very easily 'tuned in'to other spheres and regions of consciousness, I have had experiences, many times afterwards too.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I knew it would be hard and still went back and also, ofcourse knew for certain, there were these enligthed ones which can repare our bodies in such a special way as I experienced./ So my whole point of view on health and medication changed and I almost n
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I was deeply cared for my the enlighted ones, and this is pure love. Not sentimental love.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. I would not say I 'believe in God', but it is more a feeling of connection with other beings, enlightened ones. I think we are part of a greatness with which we can connect. Time is not what it seems to be.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes With my husband it became more and more difficult. To be honest: I felt a kind of jealousy and he always seemed to fight with me for our child. As if, he wanted the same connection. He had his own, very special connection and has always had. I am sure he has driven a wedge between my son and me at this moment. I hope we come out of this with counseling. I have always been very free in regard of my son. I could go away for a week and never feel disconnected. But my husband is not reacting maturely after our divorce in regard to this and now there is a period of distance with my son. We work on it.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I feel a very strong emotion by writing it down, even after 15 years. I did keep journals for my child, during this period: before the childbirth, during and after; very precise also with drawings.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It is very, very vivid. I did write it down for a doctor, anasthesist, as clearly as I could, in phases, not long after it, he did not appreciate it.
I kept diaries and made drawings..not of the enligthed ones themselves, I could not, but you see the brilliance of the colours, the radiation of the colours. And as I now see my photographs of that time you can see a deep softness and glow through my skin althuogh I was exhausted.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My life has changed; I am guided and still free. Whatever I do, I know I cannot be wrong, but I can choose difficult roads and easy ones. I have had so many experiences like hearing voices and feeling/knowing things. But I am never afraid of it and I feel very free towards this 'inspiration'.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I think I've covered the most important parts.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have talked about it and sometimes people understand, more than I would expect. Many women have these kinds of experiences and they tell each other about it, but not the world.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Through my brother who died after a car-accident. At that time I was completely overwhelmed by the energy in his hand before he died in the hospital; it so strong. Then after he died, he visited me and took my hand and I felt the same enormous energy, I was so perplexed at that time. It was 10 years before my experience.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was so detailed, so on-going for days. Every day with my small child there were new surprises. But after some years it was slowing down with my son. I myself kept many special experiences, but I took them very easily and made my playwrights with it and lived a normal life.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It is the same feeling as other experiences of my former life, even more real as any remembrance.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Certainly, but not as vivid and strong as at that moment.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? After the death of my brother, 10 years before, I had been lost for some time. But at the age of this experience I was a hard working completely normal 'functioning' woman. I think I was not as 'mad' as I seemed to be 8 - 10 years before.