Application of Impossible Things by Natalie Sudman. Click Here
I had just closed my eyes, hand propping up my head, elbow on the door handle. It was the end of a long day of construction site visits and now only a few minutes out from base. I’d long ago quit paying attention to what was passing by outside the window and had lost track of how far we were from the rest of our security convoy. This personal security team seemed to travel with a half kilometer or more of road between wagons, and I hadn’t seen the Iraqi police escort for a while. Not knowing the two security men in the front seats well, I hadn’t chatted with them. The team was running on closed mike. As a passenger, I’d hit the familiar point of being artificially lulled into boredom.
I was in the truck, head on hand, half asleep, and then I was not [the roadside bomb went off]. I’ll call this instantaneous movement 'blinking' from one place to another, for lack of a better word.
In this new environment, I stood on an oval dais looking rather intrepid in my bloody and torn fatigues, slouching a bit, dirty and darkly tan, addressing thousands of white-robed beings or personalities. They were arrayed up and all around me as if I stood in the center of a huge stadium, the dais on which I stood being perhaps twenty feet in diameter.
The personalities were non-physical in essence, taking on form if they intended to do that for a particular purpose. I perceived the way they looked according to what I preferred for my purposes. At the time, since I had been abruptly transferred from the physical plane, it was simpler to perceive them in a human form, wearing glowing white robes.
Most of these thousands were familiar to me, and all were my equal regardless of their admiration for my latest silly feat on earth. (How intrepid is it, really, to choose to be blown up?) I knew the Gathering to be a meeting of many groups representing a wide variety of interests and responsibilities pertaining not only directly to earth and physical universe energies but to dimensions and issues beyond.
The concept that I first communicated was that I was tired and had no interest in returning to the physical plane. I understood that the decision was mine, and at this point, my decision was to end my physical existence.
Immediately after that, or perhaps more accurately folded within it, I presented what seems, from my current physical body/conscious mind perception, to be a transfer of information in the form of an inexplicably complex matrix. The information was minutely detailed and broadly conceptual. It was at once layered and infinitely dense, yet elegantly simple. It included events, thoughts, incidents, individuals, and groups in all their relationship complexities, stories, concepts, connections, nuances, layers, judgments, and projections. It included kinetic equations, dimensions, symbols, and flows. Rather than being a classic life-flashing-before-the-eyes scene, this download was a collection that emphasized what might be very broadly understood as cultural and political information. I was aware that I deliberately offered the condensed data in fulfillment of a request that had been made by this Gathering of personalities prior to my taking on this body for this physical lifetime.
While the personalities digested the matrix I’d made available, I was again amused by the admiration that was sent back to me. They were clearly impressed not only with my 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' appearance but also by the depth and breadth of information I was providing. Yet I perceived the task as an easy one and the information obvious, therefore, unworthy of admiration.
When the thought form or matrix had been absorbed by everyone, which took but seconds, discussions proceeded among the various groups and within the whole of the Gathering. This may seem impossible considering there were thousands present, but it was not. No overlaps occurred, no interruptions took place, no misunderstandings formed, and disagreements were respectfully and thoughtfully engaged and resolved. All communication was accomplished through thought.
They then requested that I return to my physical body to accomplish some further work. I was given to understand that my particular skills with energy were needed at this time and would be effective only were I actually present in a body within the earth vibration. I replied that I was willing, but given my level of exhaustion and disinterest in the difficulties of this particular physical life to date, I requested that certain assistance be provided within that continued physical existence.
While we all digested some details, I retreated to a deep place that I’ll refer to as another vibrational dimension, for lack of a better description, where I could recuperate and restore my energies. Other beings assisted with this, doing most of the work while I entered a sort of spiritual deep resting state. From the physical perspective, this state lasted an equivalent of centuries within less than a moment.
When I returned to the Gathering, we agreed upon specific tasks that I would accomplish and specific things that they would assist me with once I was back in the physical. This wasn’t a barter exchange, as we might assume from our cultural perspective. It was more of a genuinely easy granting of services with no weight placed on the value or relative cost of effort implied by each agreement.
Having agreed, I moved to another vibrational location where healing would be performed on my physical body. From this location, I could see my physical body in the truck, head propped up by my right hand, elbow resting on the door handle exactly as I’d left it. I could also see my body as an energy matrix. Reading from both those levels simultaneously, I could tell that my right hand was nearly severed at the wrist, my right foot and ankle were badly mangled, and I had a deep wound in my right torso. There was a large hole in my head; I was missing one eye, the frontal sinus, and a portion of my brain.
Some energy beings and I worked together, quickly repairing the body, primarily working through the matrix. The injuries weren’t entirely healed, as some were to be of use in situating me for tasks I had agreed to perform or things that I wanted to experience as a whole infinite Self. While we worked, we joked with each other about what should and shouldn’t be done and casually engaged in a great deal of goofing off.
When we’d finished, I thanked my companions, and then I moved to another location that served as a convenient jump-off point. There I met briefly with some other beings that were familiar to me. We discussed mechanical details of what I’d agreed to do for the Gathering, as well as some personal issues. Then I simply took a deep breath and popped back into the body.
All I heard was a 'pop'; the sound of a champagne cork from one hundred meters, the Microsoft sound of opening a new window, finger snap from across the office.
I vividly remember taking a long, deep breath, more of a sigh that echoed an internal sigh. I was tired inside, exhausted. I wanted to rest. I opened my eyes.
I wasn’t able to see out of my right eye, the one my hand had been covering as I’d settled for a short nap. My left eye was fine. I let both hands rest on my thighs. Both were covered with blood. I lifted my right hand back up to cover my eye.
The inside of the Land Cruiser was charred looking, smoked with powder burns or whatever it is in an IED that causes that black toasted look. There was blood all over. I looked over at Ben [colleague] and said his name at the same time I noticed a hole in his thigh. The femoral artery should have been there, I was sure, but he wasn’t bleeding. Perhaps the hole had missed the artery, I thought, even knowing that was impossible.
Ben moaned loudly. We all sat straight in our seats, then, the vehicle rolling straight down the road, and after Ben stopped moaning; it was dead silent.
The truck rolled for what felt like a couple hundred meters, then made a perfect and silent turn to the right, rolling off the road onto a clear area of sandy dirt. I didn’t see Ian [our driver] move, but it was such perfect control that he must have been conscious and steering. The truck stopped.
I put my right hand back down on my leg and studied it again; the skin was completely shredded on the little finger and ring finger. The skin was all there, just pocked with holes like a parmesan cheese grater’s surface. The other fingers weren’t so bad, though the whole hand was bloody.
It felt as if that took a long time, and now when I relive the moment, it was slow and leisurely. It felt important to take in what things looked and sounded like, to assess the state of this new environment. In addition to the eye and hand, my trouser legs were soaked in blood, though I couldn’t see any holes in the fabric. My legs and feet felt fine, and they were still there. I optimistically made the assumption that the blood came from one of the others.
I pushed myself off the console, turned, and sat back into my seat. I leaned back and looked out the window. An Iraqi face appeared at the gun port on Ben’s side, which had had its cover blown out. The man was in uniform: one of our Iraqi police escorts. His eyes were huge when they met mine. ‘Help!’ he shouted, turning his head toward the back of our vehicle as he did it.
So the team is pulling up behind us, I thought. He looked at me again with those huge, frightened eyes, and then disappeared. I looked down at my legs again; BDU’s covered with blood. I lowered my right hand and looked at it, skin chopped up on my fingers. I heard a shout and Ben’s door jerked open. Jack appeared, leaning in to look at us. I think other men from the team came then, behind Jack.
My own door was pulled open. ‘You okay, Nat?’ Jack asked. ‘I’m ok,’ I told him. ‘Let’s see your eye,’ he said. ‘Move your hand.’ I lowered my right hand and watched his expression, which didn’t change. I thought that was probably not a good thing, but he didn’t toss cookies and he didn’t start yelling so maybe the eye itself was still there. Finding out wasn’t a priority, and I immediately moved on mentally. Jack reached out and plucked the remains of the rim of my sunglasses out of my brow; it felt as if it had been imprinted into my numb skin when he plucked it out. ‘Okay,’ he said, handing me a bandage. ‘Hold this over it.’ I held the bandage against my face, and he helped me out of the truck. When I put weight on my right foot, I stumbled, pain stabbing up through my heel. ‘Okay?’ he asked again. ‘Okay,’ I told him. ‘It's just my right heel.’ I hopped, keeping weight only on the toe of the right boot. It didn’t hurt that way.
He helped me to the center of the ring of trucks and told me to lie down on the ground, take my helmet off. I lay down on the ground, took my helmet off. I rested my head back against the dirt and relaxed, wondering where everyone else was. A few minutes passed before someone came to get me, told me to come with him. The man helped me hop to a Land Cruiser, and he placed me in the back seat. For some reason Jack was the only man that I recognized during this whole event, the only team member I remember speaking to aloud after I’d spoken Ben’s name as we’d rolled silently down the road just after the blast. Ian was sitting beside me in the truck they’d moved me into. It felt as if we sat there for a long time. Now I think it was five minutes, not much more and maybe less.
The radio was on open mike, ‘We’ve got two superficial, two critical,’ someone said. I remember thinking, Mark is the other critical. ‘Correction, two superficial, one critical,’ the voice almost immediately stated, and I knew Mark had died. I don’t know why I knew it was Mark. It could have been Ben, couldn’t it? His femoral artery was gone. But I knew it was Mark.
I wondered if I’d be blind in my right eye. I wondered if there was some advantage to that. Maybe if one eye was physically blind, it would allow me to see other worlds more clearly. I got a little thrill thinking that, but then thought that I could probably do both, as I often had; see other worlds and see the physical world out of that eye, and that’s what I wanted.
Jack opened the front door of the truck Ian and I sat in. We heard the helicopter pass over us. I think I remember hearing the pilot’s voice on the radio. Things started moving. Jack jumped back out of the truck, and I could see men running and dust clouds billowing outside the window. Within a few minutes, the door beside me opened, and two men helped me out of the truck, pulling my arms over their shoulders. They ran me to the helicopter where a medic reached out to help me aboard. I was laid on a stretcher in the helicopter.
Date NDE Occurred: 'Nov 24, 2007'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Other 'This question makes no sense to me in the context of my experience. I was all of these things at once, or at one time or another. When I came OUT of my NDE, I was severely injured, critical condition.'
The vehicle I was traveling in was hit with a roadside bomb near Nasiriyah, Iraq.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I moved to another vibrational location where healing would be performed on my physical body. From this location, I could see my physical body in the truck, head propped up by my right hand, elbow resting on the door handle exactly as I’d left it.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I don't know if I really understand this question. I was as conscious and alert as ‘normal’ in that I wasn't sluggish, fuzzy or hyper-alert. I would say that I was ‘more conscious and alert’ in the sense that my senses were expanded beyond ‘normal’ physical mind/body sensing. I was aware of more, more of me, more of All.
My thoughts are conceptual, translated down into language (normally). During my experience, my conceptual thoughts were deeper, broader, more expansive, and more complete.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time lost most of its meaning. The time we know would be like a tiny thread of what time was there. Time as we know it lost all meaning. Everything was happening at once there, yet it also was not.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I would say that I was able to ‘see’ anywhere I put my attention, my focus. I didn't ‘look at this’ or ‘look at that’; all senses were involved in (or the same as) seeing.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I would say that I was able to ‘hear’ anywhere I put my attention, my focus. I didn't ‘hear this’ or ‘hear that’; all senses were involved in (or the same as) hearing.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain Some of the beings that I encountered were simultaneously having an ‘earthly’ experience as embodied people, or in a sense had had lives in the physical, or would have. Time was so different there.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was in more than one environment, none of which were unfamiliar or strange, none of which I would describe as ‘mystical’ though I suppose all were in some sense ‘unearthly’ since they weren't of the earth plane/vibration/ whatever you want to call it.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt deep ease, completely comfortable, peaceful, deep contentment, amusement, and bemusement.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I felt a sense of harmony or unity with everything. I had the capacity to understand everything about the universe (if you mean the physical universe) but had no interest in ‘the universe.’
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will There was no border or point of no return. I chose to return, consciously within that environment.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- New age Spiritual, not religious. Personal spirituality based on personal experience and exploration. I'm not comfortable with the choice ‘other faiths - New Age’ but suppose it's the closest. I do not identify myself as ‘New Age’
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No The ideas of ‘God’ are currently deeply inadequate and inaccurate, in my experience.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age Spiritual, not religious. Personal spirituality based on personal experience and exploration. I'm not comfortable with the choice ‘other faiths - New Age’ but suppose it's the closest. I do not identify myself as ‘New Age’
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I stood on an oval dais addressing thousands of white-robed beings or personalities. They were arrayed up and all around me as if I stood in the center of a huge stadium, the dais on which I stood being perhaps twenty feet in diameter. The personalities were non-physical in essence, taking on form if they intended to do that for a particular purpose. Most of these thousands were familiar to me.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I assumed that I existed prior to this lifetime. I did not ‘encounter’ this awareness, I simply existed within it.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes In my book ‘Application of Impossible Things’ I describe it this way:
The one reality includes all beingness or consciousness. It is the endlessly unknowable infinity of creativity and an apparent paradox of infinite numbers of unique individuals that
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes In my book ‘Application of Impossible Things’ I describe it this way:
The one reality includes all beingness or consciousness. It is the endlessly unknowable infinity of creativity and an apparent paradox of infinite numbers of unique individuals that are simultaneously one. This encompassing connection is within and of, and creates, is created by, and moves through each unique being, and is part of all while also existing separately from what I’ll call “All That Is.”
This All That Is can be perceived simultaneously as a force and as an individual consciousness that exists within each consciousness and yet is separate from each consciousness or being. It’s what might be referred to as God, but the ideas of gods that we have are a pale and incomplete shadow of the All That Is that I perceive. Projecting an idea of a god or gods upon that infinite creative consciousness inevitably limits an understanding of the All That Is in ways that reflect the severely limited comprehension that we have of ourselves and the physical universe.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? Unknown
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I'd rather not share specifics.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I write about this in my book ‘Application of Impossible Things’ in depth and in various places. To nutshell it, each person is a unique being with their own purpose for coming into a physical body, and for creating meaning within that life. On a very bro
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was aware, conscious, within the experience. I experienced the fact that I am more than my physical body and continue existence after earthly life.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Refer to my book ‘Application of Impossible Things.’ There's more there ... too much to recount here.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes They all have purpose, value, meaning to us as Whole Selves (as I call it - our expanded awareness selves, the whole of who we really are, our consciousness without the physical limitations) and the All That Is. From that viewpoint they're not serious ...
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Again, I write about this in my book ‘Application of Impossible Things.’ Love is All That Is, in a sense. The word ‘love’ is only the closest word we have - it's not really accurate but I can't do any better with our language.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain Maybe I'm more tolerant and patient. I'm fundamentally happier or more content, so that necessarily changes the relationships.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Some parts of the experience were difficult to express and some parts weren't. There are no English words that are neither truly accurate for some of the experience, nor are some of the concepts easy to describe; some were indescribable, in that I am able to be accurate in describing them, but not TRUE.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I can return to these memories and they're still very vivid and alive. I suppose that, since they exist ‘outside of time (as we experience it), I could be returning to them as they are still or always unfolding.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Too many to discuss here.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was at least 6 months before I shared it with someone. Since then I've shared the experiences in a book. Many people have told me that they have been positively influenced by my experience.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I'd read some accounts ten or more years before my own. I think those accounts influenced how I described my experience but I don't think it affected the experience itself. Mine was very different from the accounts that I'd read, from what I remember of them.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I've had expanded awareness experiences all my life. I trust my experiences, and this was very vivid and seemed (still seems) more real than this physical life.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I've had expanded awareness experiences all my life. I trust my experiences, and this was very vivid and seemed (still seems) more real than this physical life.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I can re-enter the experience almost at will, and regularly explore expanded awareness environments.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No.