I have written many blogs about several near death experiences. This one continues to be life changing. After 30 years, I still feel deep emotion when I think of it. I almost have to go backwards to tell this story.
I remember someone calling my name. When I finally came around, I learned it was the recovery area nurse. I was very upset that someone was calling my name because I was not ready to go back. I was in a place that was indescribable because it was full or sound and color. I knew who I really was. I did not have any bad self-concepts. I was fully aware of who I really am not just the rather limited definition of my earthly personality. I did not have any big questions, even though I was talking to 'God.' I knew all my answers as I was a fully realized person. God has a male voice that was rather multi-dimensional, like surround sound. I don't think God has a gender but God can choose how to appear to me.
I was very close to my father who died when I was 19. I did not see him there. That is a good thing, because if I had of seen him, I would have not come back to my life on earth. God did not have a body or face, but appeared as dancing light. When the nurse was calling my name, I argued that I did not want to leave God. My words were, 'But I don't want to leave you.' The answer was, 'I am there (on earth) too. I can be with you. You are the one who closed the door.' I also remember that I was shown a holographic image of upcoming events in my life. I was told that these were golden moments and life was full of experiences that I should not miss. Another light Being was telling me about the value of this life.
I remember that my then-husband and I were not getting along. I also felt that my childhood had not been a happy one overall. I might have not been thinking of suicide but I was not embracing my life either. Another thing that was hard to leave was all the love and joy I felt. I have re-visited all this many times and realize that there was more. The experience was happening at a level that I cannot remember; it was that nurse calling my name that helped me bring some of these memories back. When I opened my eyes, the nurse had a halo around her. I told her how pretty she was. I remember seeing people differently, they were all beautiful and special. The afterglow of this experience lasted several days and then it faded into more mundane things.
My then-husband and I did divorce. We are very good friends at this time but the marriage was dissolved about two years after this NDE. I call it an NDE. I remained weak and nauseous quite a while after this surgery. I wonder about blood loss or things that might now be realized or at least were not reported to me.
Date NDE Occurred: 1981
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Illness. Surgery-related. While under general anesthesia. Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening.
I believe I was having an issue with the anesthesia. I was having a D&C under anesthesia and I might have lost too much blood and had a reaction to the anesthesia.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I totally covered that in my above story.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Much more alive and vivid
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Profound hearing
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I remember being out in space and seeing the earth at a distance. It was dark out there and I felt a bit lost. It did not last long. There are parts that seem to be missing. I was drawn to God but I don't remember the tunnel.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I believe they were there but I was focused on the God: Head Being
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Like an envelope of dancing light with color in it, but there are no adequate words to describe it
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was off earth and in a different place for sure.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Great Joy, Clarity of purpose, Great Love
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Religions mean very little. I think I understand what Jesus and Buddha were trying to convey and how their words were twisted around with the politics of the day.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I am rather eclectic. I believe there is truth in all religions but no one religion has all the answers for me persoanlly
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain uncertain is as much as I can say
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain It was apparent that who I was in its entirety was much more than my current life time. It was taken for granted or implied that I was an old soul
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I really do not understand this question. I think I felt incredible connection?
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I had an in depth conversation with God...that I have fully spoken of already
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Already discussed
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes It was extremely I mean extremely important that I go through the experience of this life time. I feel like this is a difficult probing questionnaire that I do not like. I feel like someone is pulling apart a beautiful flower to see how it is put together. I am feeling quite frustrated at this moment. I feel like I want God to Hug me again. I also want to say that purpose that word is quite elusive. I was not supposed to be a lawyer or doctor, lives have purpose that might be really hard to evaluate in the terms of our current culture.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I have no fear of death at this time. there is no death as we think of it. I wanted to stay in that other dimension
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain uncertain
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes already discussed
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Yes I realize that I had more power in choosing my life experiences and that God desires to be a co pilot in my life, I need not go it alone.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I can see the authentic real person. I have mostly Namaste experiences with others. I am a fan of Carl Rogers now, and previously would have been CBT [Cognitive Behavioral Therapy] in choice.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are no words for the love I felt. It was a cup overflowing. I felt as though I was hugging someone I had not seen in ages. I realize now that I had a feeling of void regarding love and more specifically, the primal, eternal relationship with God. I think I closed the door by being too focused on the material side of life, and perhaps not even fully believing in God.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I am very psychic and do that for a living.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Everything that happened is very important. Also my IQ grew. I have over 144 IQ and I did not realize that earlier. I was able to obtain a master degree easily with straight A's. I used to have trouble in school.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have shared it with close friends and family and blogs. They tell me that I glow and light up like a Christmas Tree when telling my story.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was the most profound real thing I have ever experienced except childbirth comes in a close second for me.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was amazing
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I remember that God told me to ask for his help. Sometimes, I let things get bad before I remember and do it. My prayers are very short, 'God please help me.' I let go, breathe, and miracles happen. I have been spontaneously healed of many things. I have been carried out of difficult situations. I have been able to heal my pets, too. I have precognitive dreams that give me instructions. I have turned invisible to others. A person trying to attack me was blown into a wall by an invisible wind. There is just a really long list. My problem is I often wait too long to ask. It was a promise made to me that if I ask: help is quickly on its way.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I think that it is highly personal in some places. It would be nice to be in a support group during these questions.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? You kept asking the same questions over and over and it feels like a thankless job to keep repeating everything. I don't even get a cookie at the end.