Until my 11th year, I was living with my mother and her boyfriend. My mother was always working; I hardly have memories about her of that time. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, was lazy and not ready to work! He remained at home, as it was his pleasure to mistreat my brother and me. He beat us and sexually abused me. Even my mother was not spared from his abuse.
During this time, my biological father and my stepmother (a great mother, still today) had been searching for us using detectives. They found us four years later in Lorraine, France. My daddy then contacted the police and youth welfare office to take us with him to Germany. I was traumatized by my horrific childhood between the ages 4 to 11. Of course, I missed my mother and it was very difficult being without her. One day, my father and stepmother had been prince and princess of carnival between 1982 and 1983. They had an obligation to participate in all carnival performances, in which I wasn't interested in at all. I stayed at home, when my parents left the house that Tuesday in February. I liked to watch the TV series, 'Dallas.' The particular episode on that day showed Sue-Ellen Ewing who was an alcoholic. She said, 'Everything is so terrible, I have to get drunk, in order to bear it!'
THERE MY EXPERIENCE STARTED. 'Oh yes,' I said to myself, 'Everything is also terrible with me. I miss my mom so much, despite my really nice alternative mother.' I thought 'I also have to drink something' while grabbing the bottle of 80% straw rum. I drank first one glass; then the second glass, and eventually I didn't notice anything anymore. Then completely drunk and without any memory about it, not until today, I grabbed medicines in the cupboard and took between 10 and 15 different kinds. My parents came home early that day. They saw me lying there in my own vomit and called emergency services immediately.
Suddenly, I saw myself from a corner in the emergency ward and I was fully conscious. I could see my own body down there in this room, sitting in a bathtub. Doctors and nurses were pumping out my stomach, calling my name and slapping my cheeks. I saw myself from above, in the room, and found this somewhat funny. I didn't feel anything physically, but felt unbelievably well where I was.
Suddenly, I noticed an unbelievably familiar presence with me. It was as if somebody was behind me, covering me with a coat of love and security, to protect me. It was so unbelievably BEAUTIFUL and RELIEVING. I communicated to this presence, without words and only in mind, that I wanted to stay there. But this person made me understand that I had to return anyway, as I still had a lot to do and that my time was not yet 'ripe.' I didn't want to go back, as I felt so very secure. Everything was so free of pain and anguish. It was unbelievable; I will NEVER forget it.
I suddenly woke up in a hospital bed. A male nurse told me that I was very lucky, because had it been five minutes later, they would not have been able to save me. In my youthful naivety, I told the nurse, that I had been watching from the ceiling in a corner of the room. I told her what had been done to me and that I was sorry that I vomited on his pants and shoes. He looked at me astonished and said that I should not know that. But, it was correct.
Shortly after this, I had a psychiatrist by my bed who was trying to persuade me that this was a dream. I resisted this idea, as my mind was NEVER before more clear as in that short, but unbelievably beautiful moment. If that presence would have told me what was waiting for me in my future life, then I wouldn't be sure if would have children.
Last year on May 8, 2013, I lost my first son to suicide, my most beloved child. I miss my Kai (26) so much! But I still have another son, our Sven; he is now 20 years old. For him, I have to remain strong. Sometimes I believe that this experience someway opened a psychic door in me, because with the pregnancy of my firstborn (Kai, 1986-1987) I got dreams, in which I know that somebody will be dying. My second husband Pauli is a witness since 20 years, and a girlfriend of mine! Though I cannot say in advance who will be dying, but only that somebody dies.
This is a never-ending story that I don't want to have you go through today. I also believe in transmigration between living and dead souls. Anyhow, 'this experience' helped me in my grief about my son, as I not 'ONLY BELIEVE' like most, but could experience it myself. After our passing 'here', there is a going on, out of the body, and I was allowed to experience how beautiful it is there. I also believe that my son was appearing to me in my dreams to tell me, that he now 'FINALLY' is alright!
Date NDE Occurred: 1982
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. Als Jugendliche Alkohol getrunken und (NICHTWISSEND,Tabletten geschluckt). Life threatening event, but not clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain Well, I do not remember, earthly noises in the room itself, where my body was laying, except that one of the team of doctors called my name, yes correct! (Monika), but no other noises I believe, but I could see everything very clearly.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Well, considering that I was under the influence of alcohol and drugs, and was not or couldn't be responsive. But until today, can still remember this experience exactly, so I would say, that my body was actually in a coma, but my spirit was outside my body, much more alert and conscious and happier than ever before
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I'm of the opinion, that I NEVER have been seeing as clear as in that moment.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time at that moment didn't matter, was irrelevant.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the experience I actually could see very clearly, my body and the doctors, I could describe this room, yet I never saw it before, and my eyes were closed! Apart from that I'm wearing glasses and today I even couldn't read without glasses!
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember voices at all during this experience, as the presence and I were talking without words. Unfortunately I also don't know any more if at that moment I heard voices in the room.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It seemed to me like an area of weightlessness and lightness.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I had beautiful, incredibly loving and secure feelings, as if it was a fulfillment, that's also why I didn't want to return to my body at all! Unfortunately, I haven't seen this incredibly great presence and also no light or tunnel. Only felt it and heard it without words.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others Insofar as I was brought to understand, that 'here on earth' I still had some things to fulfill.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Do not know Glaube an Gott, Engel und andere Mächte JA, aber ich glaube bis Heute an KEINE Religion,da ich Religion und Politik auf gleiche Stufe stelle.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I believed, a little bit, in God before the experience, but not in any religion! Today I for sure believe in God, but still not in religion.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Not important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Glaube an Gott und Engel und eventuell andere Mächte JA auf jeden Fall,aber nach wie vor glaube ich an keine Religion!!!
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Telephatische Unterhaltungen, also ohne Worte. Das uns nach dem Ableben hier etwas "WUNDERVOLLES" erwartet!!! Das Leben nach dem Tod gibt es tatsächlich!
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Moderate changes in my life. You just look for a sense, why you should stay here, therefore I'm reflecting since some years, about getting a formation in the area of hospice, but have not yet been able to tackle it.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I very definitely felt with me a being who was wrapping me lovingly and heard a voice without words, like telepath: it seemed so very familiar, without being able to classify it. In retrospect I often thought, maybe it was my grandfather? Or God?
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Ja das glaube ich . Ich glaube sogar schon einem Engel begegnet zu sein,als ich mal sehr krank war.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Ja auf irgendeine Art und Weise ja, denn wie ich bereits beschrieben habe, hatte ich das unglaublich tolle Gefühl umhüllt von Geborgenheit und Liebe zu sein!!!
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That after this life here life can continue in peace and with love.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Ja, denn ich sollte ja zurückkehren, um hier noch einiges zu erledigen,
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes absolut. Alleine durch meine Vorahnung seit meiner 1. Schwangerschaft,das wenn jemand stirbt, ich vorher davon Träume, und meiner ausserkörperlichen Erfahrung, das alles könnte es nicht geben, wäre da nicht "Irgendetwas" was es mir möglich macht es zu er
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I do not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I moderately feared death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No Leider nicht.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No Nein,jedoch versuche ich seit dieser Erfahrung und mit dem älter werden mehr Verständnis für alles und Alle" aufzubringen!Auch vorurteile ich auch nicht,sondern mache mir stets ein eigenes Bild von Jedem und Alles.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? It didn't change everything immediately, but in the course of my life. I respect people, as far as they mean well for my family and me. I have regard for almost every animal being and have respect towards them towards the world of plants. I already house It didn't change everything immediately, but in the course of my life. I respect people, as far as they mean well for my family and me. I have regard for almost every animal being and have respect towards them towards the world of plants. I already housed foreign youth as of 19, for free, who didn't know where to go and had no income, whose parents simply kicked them out.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No Because I believe that this subject is 'normal' with us.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Premonitions when somebody is dying.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Of course, life after death. The very big hope, seeing my child again over there. Being allowed to be fulfilled and happy!
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only with 3 people, they took it with mixed feelings. But my second husband experienced already quite something with me about my premonitions and he believes in me and he wholeheartedly supports me, really a great husband.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real As I said, it was for sure, the most real thing that I could experience in this life!
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real There is hardly anything in my life, which I remember as well as this experience.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I really do not understand this question.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I wish this feeling of love and security could spread over the whole humanity, so that the world, in which we live, would not be so full of war, hate and coldness. The mere premonitions, since my first pregnancy, that if somebody is dying I will have dreams about it, and my out of body experience. All this could not happen if there wasn't 'something' that makes it possible for me to know it. It's very clear that it's not a 'blessing' for me to know that somebody will be dying. But yes, there surely is a life after death. I had the unbelievably great feeling being wrapped in security and love. That's what I believe: a universal connection exists. I believe even having met an angel, when I was very sick at one time. Since this experience and being an older age, I try to have more understanding for everything and 'everybody'! I also do not judge, but try to get my own picture of everybody and everything. Telepathic conversations, without words. That after our passing here, something 'WONDERFUL' is waiting for us. Life after death is in existence really! I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I so clearly saw and so intensely felt this experience, that even today I still can remember it with the complete feeling and a clear mind.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Up to one question everything was alright. THANK YOU