I suddenly awoke. I was not in a dream state but fully aware of where I was. I was standing in a desert-type area that was golden and hazy. I was standing on the edge of heaven. I looked at what appeared to be a wall. It looked like the walls surrounding an earthly city but I knew exactly where I was and it wasn't earth or a dream. I was completely lucid. The gold and a blue colors I saw in the experience is indescribable; like a turquoise color mixed with the bluest hues of the ocean and intertwined with gold. It was the most magnificent thing I have ever seen and more importantly, I felt it. I stood there for what felt like forever. I felt no pain, worry or fear. I had no feeling of 'looking back.' During this time, I never thought of my children because I had no thought of anything other than about peace and beauty. I saw a person off in the distance, yet the presence was all around me. It was Jesus and God at the same time, enveloping me in a feeling of love and peace; a love and peace that just didn't exist until that point.
As the golden flakes of sand stirred in an infinite swirl, there was no feeling of wind, hot, or cold. I felt only comfort. I was completely undisturbed by the peaceful turbulentce happening before my eyes, I suddenly had a thought or a feeling of want. I wanted to go inside the city. In a conscious thought I was about to take a step, when my deceased father and grandmother both said to me, 'It's not your time, not yet. You have to go back.' I could see and hear them both in one voice and in their own voices together. It is hard to explain that one in earthly language. I said, 'No, I want to stay here with you.' They each placed a hand on my shoulder and I looked into the eyes of Christ for a brief moment as he was suddenly there. He was not saying, but instilling in me, the thought that 'everything will be okay' and a feeling of 'we will meet again soon.'
Suddenly, I was awake on the operating table. I know I was talking because the nurse said to me, 'I believe you, you're not the first to say things like that. I believe you.' She continued to reassure me as I began to cry, realizing I was back in this miserable earthly life. The nurse wiped my tears and continued to reassure me. I just cried and kept saying, 'I want to go back. I don't want to be here.' She then asked me if I had children. Suddenly, I wanted to be here again.
The feeling of peace, love, and beauty, had made me forget my two boys, ages 23 and 16 at the time. I knew then why I had to come back and continue living, yet I also knew of the beauty waiting for me . It is so profound. I know that I can get through anything to get back there to Heaven. This short narrative doesn't even come close to explaining my experience. There are not words to describe it, only the knowledge of knowing Heaven is real and I can't wait to go back when it is my time.
Date NDE Occurred: 1/14/2016
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Surgery-related. While under general anesthesia. The medical notes stated that I went hypothermic and I think that's when I passed on.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Free of any influences that alter or perceptions or meaning. There wasn't interference, stress, worry, pain or any fear. It's the first time in my whole life, or death, that I had not felt fear and worry.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Yes and no. Yes of where I was and no of anything earthly. I had complete awareness.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning.
Time lost all meaning but there was a motion. Nothing happened all at once. But it felt like I was there for an eternity, not just a few minutes or like a dream where you gradually wake up. One moment I was in peace and the next moment I'm was waking up in my body.
Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't understand this question, but if I have to guess, I was only extremely worried about the surgery because I could have been paralyzed having C5/C6 neck surgery. The last thing I remember was being lifted onto the table and in extreme pain and then instantly they put the gas on my face. The next thing I know, I'm standing on the edge of Heaven.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was different. I didn't really hear, as much as I perceived. It was more like a thought implant of sorts. There were no mouths moving, and no clear vision of my father or grandma. I just knew it was them. Time stood still. I guess in a way, a person on earth would think it was a deafening silence, but it wasn't that way when I was there. There was a silence, yet there was a sound. The sound was love and it was just all around me, in me, through me and I was part of it as well. It's very hard to explain.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My father who passed 35 years ago and my grandmother, both of whom I was very close with.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an Unearthly light? Yes not the tunnel light that some say, but it was more the golden light of God and peace.
The experience included: An unearthly landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, peace, and contentment. I don't know if I really felt content because I just was there. Maybe I say content now because it's in hindsight?
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Christian with very strong faith
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes. I don't participate in so many church gatherings or traditional services. Not to sound high and mighty, I just don't believe that many are at an awareness that I am at. I don't feel Church is home anymore. It's kind of weird because I went to church my whole life. My boys were raised in the church and my youngest goes to youth group on his own. I continue to remind him that he needs to do what is pleasing to God and not focus on the world's judgment and impressing everyone; it's not just words to me, it's the truth.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant Christian. But I practice less organized religious events as they can't touch what I experienced. They don't even come close to the love and peace that truly exists; teachings from the Church don't seem necessary anymore because I just believe and my faith is unbreakable
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. We are taught these things, Jesus will wipe the tears from your eyes, you will not worry or fear, no illness or pain, but this is mind blowing to actually feel what the words say. It's true, it's all true. I'm not afraid to die and if it happens again, I sure hope I'm allowed to stay. You know, they say our loved one's watch over us, I didn't for one second think of my loved ones, not my children, not earth at all. I was happy to be where I was and didn't want to leave. I don't know if I would have come and visited my loved ones the way that we feel on earth sometimes, that we get a visit in a dream or when we need to see that reminder of grandma, her favorite bird just perches itself on our window and kinda says hi. I'm not sure about that part. One thing I do know, is that my grandma and my dad both were there. I knew it was them. I could kind of make out their faces but it was more awareness than actual vision. It's so hard to explain.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
experienceDid you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus for sure
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I think so, if you call Love a universal connection.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I saw Jesus from a distance. He spoke to me in a sense, more like thought. He touched me, but I didn't feel a physical touch, only love. God was all around me. GOD REALLY IS LOVE.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was in Heaven, absolute existence after death.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives Are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Yes, when I was told I had to go back, my earthly human feelings flooded me.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love was EVERYWHERE in a way that we just don't get on earth. It's a real understanding of Love and I cannot give it to anybody else as I don't feel that way now. I can remember the feeling, much like a child remembers being held by a parent in comfort but it's just not the same as the love we share for each other as humans. It is everything and everywhere.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life. I am less compassionate now because this life on earth that is hell for some of us knowing there is an eternity of peace waiting. I am Slightly fearful in living my earthly life because I worry and have anxiety. I used to fear death, like 'what if everything they've taught us is not true' but always had hope. Now I have knowledge and know that it's all true. Heaven is a real place.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I don't waste my time on any relationship that I have to ask WHY a person is the way they are or are not. I live my life the best way I can for me and for my family and to be as pleasing to God. I don't judge myself so harshly any longer either. I don't as questions like, am I worthy of love, etc. I'm not so hard on myself anymore. That is a big change actually, so thank you for asking that question. I've only just now realized that I am much more relaxed about the little things. I don't care about seeking out worldly stuff. I know the best is yet to come and Jesus has my back.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's more emotion than anything and there aren't words to fully express those peaceful emotions. Even more than the first time I held my children when they were born. It was the most beautiful place multiplied by a gazillion.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I remember this experience everyday of my life and I just can't wait to go back. Of course, I have feelings of wanting to watch my children marry and have a family, but I'm not worried if I don't get the opportunity. As a human, I mostly feel sad for them because they will mourn the loss of me, while I rejoice in the Love of Heaven.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The Love and Peace. There just aren't words to describe what true peace is because it's a feeling. It's like trying to explain the color blue to someone who has never had eyesight in their whole life. Unless you've experienced it, I can't explain it, not to it's fullest meaning. But I do know to keep my eyes on the Lord and have faith. I believe that probably now more than before even though my faith has always been strong. God took that little bit of doubt that I had and erased it. He let me know what no pain and no worry and pure love feels like. I DO have something to live for and that is death.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Probably about a month afterwards. People don't really seem to believe me and say it was a dream or something, but it wasn't. I'm okay with not being believed because I know what I experienced and I can't wait to experience it again.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I have watched movies, like the Matt Damon one, and the one about all the children that come back and paint all the same pictures of the man (Jesus), but never really put too much into it. I believe them now, and the funny thing is, those kids pictures are Jesus, it's exactly what he looks like from that movie Heaven is for Real. My oldest son just chalks it up to science and the way neurons synapsis in the brain under anesthesia. My youngest son is a man of great faith. I don't think I've shared much of this, but I should and now I will. He's ready, I would never want him to worry about me dying so maybe I'll just wait until the perfect time. He's only 17 but now he's old enough.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I still KNOW it was real. And this occurred in January of 2016, it's now September 2017 and I remember it all like it was yesterday. I can't grasp the feeling any longer but I know it exists, the feeling of complete love and peace. I know it's there but I don't experience it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Because it was real, I was there. I don't believe it, I know it. I knew it the moment I woke up in the surgical room. I knew it when I was crying and the nurse wiped my eyes. I wanted to talk more to the nurse about why she believed me and who else and more, but I don't know who she was. I don't think she would remember me specifically, but I want to know more and share with others who have felt the same. I want to hug them and see, if only for a brief moment I can close my eyes and we can share what was put in us, between us, if I can get the peace and love back here on earth. I want it back so badly.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I wish I could reproduce this feeling!
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Do you wish you would have just died and passed on? That's the real question. Because I do, I wish I would have just died right then and there and walked with Jesus, my dad and my grandma into eternity of love.
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