I had just gone to bed and was lying on my back, waiting to fall asleep. Suddenly, I felt my body going numb; first the right side and then the left. I had just enough time to shout, 'help me' before it went all dark. I felt an electric shock that went through my whole body from my feet to the top of my head. I felt like I was ripped off of my body. I had a moment of strong fear and remember thinking, 'Is this how it feels to die?'
The next thing I remember was that I was floating above my convulsing body and looking at it. I was very close to my body before I realized I could move further from it. There was absolutely no fear anymore, but I was still wondering if this was my moment of death. I don't remember seeing any 'silver cord' between me and my body. My mother was crying hysterically beside my body and shouting 'don't die!' I felt sad for her, but at the same time I was just a calm observer. The weird thing is that when she went to the other side of our house to call an ambulance. This was two rooms away from the bedroom but I could hear her voice just like she was next to me the whole time. I remember floating up, close to the roof. I looked to the direction of the bedroom door. I could not physically see anything extraordinary, but I just somehow knew that above the door there was another door that I could and would use some day. That moment I also realized I was not going to die this time. Instantly after this realization, I felt another electric shock.
I'm not sure, how long it took from me to wake up in my body, but the first thing I remember was that the paramedics tried to make me walk down the stairs from second floor. I was diagnosed with epilepsy a few weeks after this seizure. My seizures that are mostly simple or complex partials, originate from my left temporal lobe. I've always wondered, if my experience is a real NDE or if it was only a hallucination caused by the electric storm in my brain.
Date NDE Occurred: February 1992
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening.
Seizures are usually not considered life threatening, but my mother told me it looked like I stopped breathing for a while. On the other hand, I've read that it often seems like that even though the person is breathing very shallow. So, I'm not really sure!
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw and heard my mom crying, calling my name and shouting 'don't die' beside my body. I also saw and heard her go to another room to call an ambulance. I could not see her, when she was in another room, but I could hear her voice and words very clearly, as if she was standing next to me. My mom has confirmed all of this. I do not remember any further details of what happened.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I felt just very present, and I could hear everything around me very clearly, even my mother's voice from another room.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The time I spent out of my body. It's really difficult to estimate the time though.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I felt like the time had no meaning anymore. I could see things happening below me in chronological order, though.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't miss my glasses during the experience, but otherwise I think everything seemed quite as usual.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything sounded very near and clear, even my mother's voice from another room, when she went to call an ambulance.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I had a moment of fear, when I felt the electric shock go through my body. When I noticed I was out of my body, I did not feel any more fear. I was very calm and actually a bit curious about what was happening. I would have liked to comfort my mother though, as she was really scared. When I realized there was an invisible door I could use some day, I felt more peaceful than I ever have before.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I was raised protestant Christian, but even as a small child I had my own beliefs concerning afterlife and reincarnation that were in conflict with my family's faith.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain Some of my beliefs have grown stronger, while some have lost their meaning. I'm still part of a protestant Christian church just like at the time of my experience. I'm not a practicing Christian though. I actually consider my beliefs closer to New Age or Buddhism. I still belong to Christian church, because it had an important role in my life when I was growing up, and I think their work with underprivileged people is great.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age I don't participate in any new age groups and do not share many of their beliefs, but I still think new age is the closest word I can use to describe my faith.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience As a Christian Sunday school girl, I strongly believed in afterlife, and that everyone's life had a purpose. I, however, assume that I didn't know much about out-of-body experiences or the 'door' between physical world and spirit world at the age of eleven.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I understood it didn't matter, what specific beliefs we have - we are all part of something great. I didn't feel any conflict between my church's teachings and my own different beliefs anymore. The differences just didn't matter anymore.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Becoming aware of the invisible 'door', I just felt assured that it would take me back to where I once came from.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I did not encounter awareness of a specific life purpose, but I felt strongly that my purpose had not been fulfilled yet, and therefore I would be returning into my body.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I realized there was this 'door' I would choose to use some day in the future, and I got the feeling that the door was going to take me back from where I had once come. I feel I have to add, that I already believed in afterlife before my experience, which might have affected my thoughts and assumptions during it.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life I already felt older than other children did my age, but the experience made me probably even more mature. Maybe being diagnosed with epilepsy affected it too. Spiritual life became even more important to me. On the other hand, I started to feel like the specific teachings of my church did not matter that much anymore and it was useless to argue about them. I started thinking it doesn't really matter, which religious group we belong to or what specific beliefs we have - we are all part of one big family. I also became very interested in paranormal phenomena, probably because I didn't fully understand what had happened and why. I tried to share my experience with my mother, some friends and my neurologist, but most people didn't believe me, the neurologist thought it was just a symptom of my illness, and my mother was so freaked out, that I never discussed the subject with anyone until recently. The experience was very important to me, so I learned to keep it to myself to protect it. It has probably made me more careful about what to share with other people and what to keep to myself. Sometimes I miss my experience free of my body, so close to 'home'. It doesn't really mean I want to die. I really think I need to stick around longer. The beauty and peacefulness of the experience just gives me the feeling that there's something even more beautiful awaiting us, when we leave this physical world.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. The experience was so strong and different from anything else I've ever experienced, that I could never forget it. I do remember my childhood generally quite well, but I still think about this experience almost every day. It's part of my daily life and has given me a lot of strength.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I've had a few possible premonition dreams about deaths of not-so-close family members.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The realization that I could exist and feel so alive without my body, and also the moment when I encountered the knowledge that there was this door, which would eventually take me back to my real home.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes My mother was the first person I told about my experience, probably a few days later. She freaked out pretty badly and did not ever want to hear anything about it. I told my neurologist about my experience. He said it was definitely a hallucination caused by my epilepsy. I also told a couple of my friends about it. They didn't believe it at all. After that, I didn't tell anyone about it until recently. Even my partner doesn't believe in my experience; she thinks I just want to feel special. So, I guess the only one who has taken my story seriously is my mother. Unfortunately, she couldn't see the beauty of my experience, but instead thought it was about something evil and anti-Christian.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real The experience felt very real - even more real than anything else I had experienced by the age of 11. But no one seemed to believe in the reality of my experience, so I started to doubt it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I still feel quite the same way. It's very real to me, but not to others. Also, I'm not sure, if I'm the right person to judge whether it's true or not.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No