Experience Description

I was travelling by car from Alicante to Valencia with some friends; we had not slept for two days. I was depressed that weekend due to my family situation at home, which was problematic, my mother suffering from schizophrenia, with periods when she was very bad, making for continuous tensions and problems at home. The situation affected me a lot. That weekend I took MDMA (Ecstasy), I don't know how many tabs I took over the two days we were 'celebrating'. Actually, I felt no effect from them, as I could not get my worries about my mother's condition out of my head. In the middle of the journey home one of my friends did some quite big lines of cocaine, something which was not to my taste normally, but at this time I didn't care about anything and I sniffed a line. Straight off, I felt a huge rush, as if all the tabs of MDMA I had taken without feeling the effects suddenly kicked in at the same time. My pulse started to race, I was scared and tried to get the attention of my friends who were dozing off, but I couldn't. My pulse was racing more and more and my mind was lucid, more lucid than ever before, and I realized this was not good, my heart would not be able to hold out.

That was when I thought: 'How could you be so stupid, you've finally done it, damned drugs!' and I saw how the person in the front seat turned round and looked at me with a very scared expression. Then I felt a sort of explosion in my chest and my heart stopped. My sight misted over and I left my body like a gunshot into the darkness. I was very scared and fully conscious that I was dying. I thought that in a few moments everything would be finished, as the state of lucidity I had for the moment must be from the adrenalin, which my body had surely secreted due to panic. Suddenly I found myself floating, I could hear and feel a sort of vibration, a buzzing, very pleasant and relaxing. I realized that around me were floating some strange and colored globes, very bright and strange, spinning on themselves slowly and all moving in the same direction as though pulled by some force. I looked in that direction and there was a warm, brilliant, white light.

Then I couldn't take my eyes of the light, all my fear and anxiety disappeared, I felt as if naked, as though the depths of my soul and my thoughts were uncovered, with nothing further to hide. The feeling of peace was indescribable, and I noticed the light begin to pull me towards it just as it was pulling the strange globes. I let myself go, the light getting bigger and bigger as I got closer, and just before I went into it my mind recovered its clarity and I knew that once inside I would never come out. My thoughts were crossing my mind at tremendous speed. They were not random thoughts. I don't know how to explain this, but they were like avalanches of ideas, which came to my mind. I thought I could not die, that people needed me, that I was very young and I had important things to do.

Suddenly, I again felt the same sensation as at the beginning, I was shot at great speed and found myself floating in a sort of dark abyss, where I could hear heartbreaking lamentations and suffering. I could feel thousands of souls who were suffering and lamenting, trying to cling to me, but not with the intention of taking me with them, rather they were trying to get out of the abyss. The feeling of fear and anxiety came back, and then suddenly I seemed to be floating in space with the image of planet Earth in front of me. Although it looked beautiful, the feeling was awful. I felt all the suffering, which was in it. I felt how sick it was and that the sickness was growing. I felt egoism, violence, I felt how humanity was getting further away from the spiritual world and this was infecting it with a sort of cancer, and that this would bring consequences - not as some kind of divine punishment, rather by its own process of cause-effect. Again, I felt the sensation of vertigo.

I opened my eyes. I was lying on the hard shoulder of the road. One of my friends, a girl, was trying to resuscitate me and the others were around me, very anxious and holding their heads with their hands. They told me I was not breathing for about two minutes, which didn't seem much for everything I went through, but the fact is I lost the notion of time. On the way to hospital, I was silent, thinking about what happened, and in fact my life has completely changed, since now I keep my spirits and hopes up, no matter how great the problems I'm facing. Since that day I take more interest in spiritual things than material things, and always keep an attitude in life of honesty, respect and helping my fellows.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: mayo 1992

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Accidental drug overdose.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Perhaps when I realized that if I went into the light, I would not come out again, also when I observed the planet.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I lost the notion of time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My visual field, depth of perception of solid and transparent things, colors.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Tone and especially frequency, the buzzing or vibration which I felt was of a frequency I had never felt or heard before.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes To give it some sort of description it was like what in science-fiction describes as the attraction of a black hole, but with light.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain There was a moment when I was on the point of entering the light, when I felt myself being observed, seemingly, which is how the feeling of nakedness came over me, but I still did not see any presence.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A warm white light, feeling of peace and wellbeing.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt as if naked, that my thoughts and my soul were opened up.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future In the following weeks I had kind of flashes of things which were going to happen, or were already happening. One example was seeing myself in the future with another person, as a couple (whom I have really met), with a huge feeling of warmth.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I knew that if I crossed into the light I would not return.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe the Catholic beliefs I was brought up in are not true. Things are simpler, though more difficult to explain, and I believe that everyone has the interior capacity to see them, but in many cases this capacity is clouded over by the material, and by the type of society we live in which turns its back on the spiritual. I believe human consciousness has evolved greatly but we squander its energies on material things.

What is your religion now? Moderate 'ahora creo en el bien y el mal, en la luz y la oscuridad'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe the Catholic beliefs I was brought up in are not true. Things are simpler, though more difficult to explain, and I believe that everyone has the interior capacity to see them, but in many cases this capacity is clouded over by the material, and by the type of society we live in which turns its back on the spiritual. I believe human consciousness has evolved greatly but we squander its energies on material things.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes In a way, yes, good and evil, light and darkness.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I'm more positive, less materialistic, and I try my best not to do harm to my fellows.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain The visual and auditory experiences, as well as the horrifying sensation I felt when I found myself surrounded by souls in torment, for want of a better term.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Sometimes I think about things which afterwards happen, not important things, getting together with friends I have not seen for some time, situations at work or in daily life.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The negative part of the experience was in my 'return journey.' There was the perception of feelings, which I had then, and also the perception of the reality of the world, and where it was headed. This latter was not like a divine revelation, rather a relation of cause and effect; it was simply like seeing something obvious which you didn't want to see previously.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes At first yes, but I was taken for crazy, I've been many years without telling anyone about it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I don't think my knowledge affected the experience, since I was brought up a Catholic and I saw no divine images.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Although I myself thought it might have been a product of my imagination, and the people I told about it said I could have imagined it or it was the result of the drugs, I knew it was real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Seventeen years have passed and it seems like yesterday, I still remember all the details and feelings.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No