I saw the car coming, put my hand out and screamed NO. Then there was nothing. Nothing - a void of, nothing. Then...
There was light, and a white being that said, 'You were in an accident.' I remember thinking, 'Is this an angel?' And I felt I knew that Angel wasn't the word for this being. The being was kind and loving. I felt no fear, and I understood that my life was over. At first, I felt such overwhelming sadness and compassion. But then, there was such love and understanding, my life being over was okay, and I felt detached from life.
Then, there were others there, although I didn't recognize them as people I'd known in life, they were more like family who were waiting for me. I knew who they were and there was such joy, happiness, compassion.
There was such beauty, beautiful beyond expression. There was also a bright city or something like a city in the distance. The colors and structures of everything was beautiful - awesome.
I asked questions about life, and there were answers - but there wasn't really any speaking, it was more of an understanding between us. Such understanding of life, God, all that is. I remember it was as if I was being re-introduced - or awakening after a hard sleep. I thought questions and the understanding would come. This is hard to explain, I guess the best way to express this is to make an analogy. It's like when you travel, you are staying in a motel, a strange bed, strange room and then you wake up in the middle of the night and don't know where you are - it takes you a few minutes to realize and remember where you are. That is the feeling I felt on the other side. I was remembering and it felt so good to be there and to understand, to know - it was home, where I really lived.
And then, I saw/felt my whole life. And I felt pleasant, at peace, good about my life. Felt compassion, love, understanding, for myself and for all the people and things in my life experience - I saw all of it and felt all of the emotions everything and everyone around me.
I felt an understanding about life, what it was, is. As if, it was a dream in itself. It's so very hard to explain this part. I'll try, but my words limit the fullness of it. I don't have the words here, but I understood that it really didn't matter what happened in the life experience. I knew/understood that it was intense, brief, but when we were in it, it seemed like forever. I understood that whatever happened in life, I was okay, and so were the others here. I remember understanding the others here, as if the others here were a part of me too. As if, all of it was just a vast expression of me. But it wasn't just me, it was - gosh this is so hard to explain - it was as if we were all the same. As if, consciousness were like a huge being. The easiest way to explain it would be as if all things are all different parts of the same body, so to speak.
There was profound love, profound overwhelming love and compassion. Then I remembered my children. It is as if I turned one last time to look at my life. I thought of my three children. I have twin sons, and I saw their life, saw their future. I felt all was good and pleasant; they were going to enjoy their lives. They were going to have a good life. I felt such love and compassion. I have a daughter and I saw her life. I saw that she would need someone in her life. Awful things were going to happen to her. And I felt fear for her and guilt for not being there for her. She would need me.
I understood, knew, that regardless what happened in the life experience, we were all okay - it was all temporary. I also understood that I was still attached to the life experience. With this attachment to the life experience, I understood I was not finished with the life experience.
Then there were two beautiful men and we were traveling, I saw the beauty of the Earth, stunning beauty, saw the universe - the universe infinite - I felt at total peace.
Then I remember feeling horrible pain and everything was thick, thick - don't know how to explain this - except I was back in this life in the emergency room. I couldn't remember my name, didn't know where I was.
Date NDE Occurred: October 13, 1991
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Other The event happened before I arrived at the hospital. Car accident.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was a fullness. It's like in this life, we have veils between us and everything else!
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When the people were around me and I was understanding/knowing. And when I understood I was still attached to this life.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time had no meaning. So much happened, there is no way it would fit in the forty-five minutes before the ambulance arrived and I was taken to the hospital.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? It was full! As if I could see everywhere!
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was more like stepping out of one thing into another. There was darkness, and then a focus of light; it was more like stepping out of a dark room into a light room. When I saw the being of light, the darkness was gone and I moved into that place of awesome beauty and profound love - a place of light.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The other beings - people were surrounding me in this beautiful world/reality/place. I knew them, but did not recognize them from this life. They communicated love, compassion, joy, welcoming at my being there again. I think they were a part of the flowing of the understanding/knowing.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes There was nothing, a huge void of nothing, except black. The Being was there in the darkness, the Being was light. Also it was as if a bright light was being shone on my closed eyes, when I looked, I saw the Being of light.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I mentioned this in the overview.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? The most profound and lasting - constant emotion was love - flowing from me and to me. But I also felt sadness and leaving life. I felt regret, guilt at leaving life. But more than anything and I can't express this clearly - but love was the foundation the flowing of all, in all.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I learned that I was a beautiful spirit/being. I learned that we are all connected, all things are connected. I learned a lot of things I don't have words for. I learned that it's okay, we're all okay, we are going to be okay. I've learned to love and appreciate, to be compassionate. I could write a book! Ha-ha. I have relaxed about life, since this experience. I am not afraid of death, and I'm happier than I've ever been before. It changed my life to a deeper appreciation and enjoyment, and the focus of love - giving it and accepting it gently. I've learned a deeper compassion. So much!!
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future It was pretty much exact.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I could see the difference between where I was and the life experience. I was also not allowed to go any further.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Was raised in the Christian environment, but at the time of the accident I had recently stepped out and beyond the Christian Religion
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I've learned about unconditional love, and I've let go of the thought of a 'God'. I believe now that all things are an aspect and an expression of the sacred one. It's more universal. I don't worship a God or Deity; I've expanded my concept of Deity.
What is your religion now? Moderate Universalist? No real term.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I've learned about unconditional love, and I've let go of the thought of a 'God'. I believe now that all things are an aspect and an expression of the sacred one. It's more universal. I don't worship a God or Deity; I've expanded my concept of Deity.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My whole life changed. I am relaxed about life, have been able to deal with experiences with love as the focus, and I'm not afraid of anything. There is a peace and a gentleness, a love and a compassion that was born in me that night of the accident. And a gratitude for this awesome experience of life.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes It has been as if what I place my awareness on, manifests. I've also had countless experiences of ESP, an awareness of things.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes. All of it. It changed my life.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Two months, my husband didn't believe me. My mother didn't believe me. They both cut me off before I could tell them the fullness of it. I have told others, including some friends who were in the process of dying. They were more peaceful about dying.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain My father used to tell the story of his brother (whom I'd never met). His brother Jim died and came back to life. Dad said Jim spoke about the colors, and about how his life was shown to him on a big spinning wheel. Jim would spin the wheel and it would land on a place in his life. Jim spoke of Jesus being there.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I was very aware of diving back into the 'thick pea-soup' of life, and felt it was important that I stay involved with the drama of life around me. I don't have words for it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Although some of the details are not as clear as they were, I know what I experienced was real. More real than this life.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Fleeting moments in TM ('Transcendental Meditation') meditation, or in dreams.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It changed my life, and has affected my children's lives and everyone who knows me. I am grateful and more relaxed about life.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Some of the radio buttons make it either or - they limit the expressions.
Did you feel a separateness from your physical body? When I was having my experience, I felt connected to everything. The physical body I knew wasn't real in that place. So the radio buttons were limiting the answer. I suggest that there be a place for writing after every radio button.