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It was to show my thankfulness to God as I reveal my own sinfulness. If it helps one person, it was worth it.
Well, the above told of the time it happened, and when my husband found me on the toilet, he picked me up and shook me, and told me to throw up what I had taken or he was going to stick his fingers down my throat and do it himself. I was out of it, and started to throw-up, and massive amounts of alcohol came up. That is how I knew that my state was critical. After that, I 'went nuts' my husband said; saying things I had never said before. I wanted to die, and I didn't want to be here anymore and that I can't do it anymore. It was like my heart was exposed and things started to pour out of me that I didn't know were in me. It was bottled up. I was hard to handle and my husband was trying to calm me down as I was crying. The only thing I can remember is seeing my daughter and she snapped me back into reality. I calmed down and went to sleep.
My husband said he'd never heard me talk that way and it was nuts. I felt different and was feeling pain I had never felt in the past. I didn't even know I had those feelings in me. Since then my drug use and alcohol got extremely worse, quickly as if the gates of hell were opened up and coming after me. At the same time, I was acquiring this strong desire to talk about God and go to church. It was like I was fighting a battle between flesh and spirit over my soul and my will. A lot of supernatural things started to happen around me. I was slowly figuring out that it was God speaking to me and drawing me to Him. This understanding was rising in me.
Things I never knew about people, situations and knowledge of discerning good and evil. I also was seeing weird things that I wanted to explain away because it was scary: faces distorted, and people sounding different to me, not in a good way. Unexplainable things were happening and my co-workers were noticing it as well. I had a huge craving and desire to read the Bible and pray, which I never had before. I would read the Bible and the words jumped off the page at me as if someone, or many, were greeting me. Things that I didn't understand started to come together of why I was born. I had to make a conscious choice to turn from my old nature and depend on God in what he was revealing to me supernaturally, so, I did, I gave up all drugs and drinking and spoke to God, and said, 'okay, Lord, you got me'.
My life took a huge turn around. I saw God. I started to see visions as if it was a motion picture playing. I went through a horrible developmental inner knowledge and wisdom that was a grievous reckoning. Dear Lord, it was too much. Things came in parts, as sometimes the truth was hard to bear about myself, people, world, and sinful nature. I went into my mind everything I had done that I needed to ask for forgiveness for, as if God was reminding me, I cried and cried in prayers every day for hours for God to come get me. I saw intrinsically detailed pictures in the clouds on windows. Everywhere I looked, I would see God's face staring back at me, mostly smiling at me: especially in the clouds.
God would talk to me in dreams and show up supernaturally to speak to me. I ran to Him crying like a child, in my critical state of being. Knowing how I felt was not normal. I was extremely sick and felt suicidal when I knew I had almost died that night. I wasn't aware that I left my body until God revealed to me, what He had done for me. I left my body that night as I can remember being with an angel, but I wasn't allowed to see their face. I wasn't sure why I couldn't see their face but it was an angel.
I was outside in my backyard, about 25 feet in the air from the ground. I was standing on the left side of this angel, looking inside my backyard window at the couch and seeing myself sitting there. We never spoke words: it was only in our minds that I understood what this angel was telling me. I was shown that I would go through a healing process and this was when it would start. It has been 7 years and I tried to write everything down since then so I wouldn't forget. I vividly remember being up in the air with an angel looking from the outside into my backyard window at myself, and that I would be going through a healing process., I always wondered why I wasn't allowed to see this angel's face but I know why now. I also remember having this wonderful peace within myself and I didn't have any bad memories of my past or anything.
I never left this earth. I never saw bright lights or fields of green or anything; I was suspended in the air outside in my backyard with an angel, who was revealing my future to me. When I found out that I did almost die, I was so angry and hurt. Angry at my family because no one helped me and cared about my soul, or tried to get me help. I was hurt that God didn't want me: that I wasn't good enough for Him to stay and be in heaven. Also, what was really big, was when that revelation was given to me, it didn't just come with knowledge that I had, it came with a heavenly, blissfully, intimate truth experience, which made me not want to be here anymore. I was extremely suicidal for a long time, especially with the pain I was going through with the state my soul was in. It was a lot to handle and I would miss sleep to stay up and spend time with God, as I only wanted to be with Him: seeing His face and other visions. I knew it was God because the process was helping me get better and wanting the answers to get well. My whole life changed, and after over 7 years, I still am radical but a lot more balanced, still dealing with the skeptics and unbelievers.
Date NDE Occurred: October 2002
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drug or medication overdose 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
I had been battling drugs and alcohol abuse for 17 years. It was too much that night and I passed out on the toilet, slumped over on my lap, and my alcohol level was rising with all that I drank. That is when I understood later that I had an out of body experience and left my body, but I am not sure how long I had been there before I was found. If my husband hadn't had found me, I probably, not sure, would not have survived.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No But at the start, I would have reoccurring events that I knew I had done before, and places like I had been there before. I had many dreams and visions of future events that were going to take place later in my life as if I was there experiencing them at the time. I also had a profound internal direct feeling, knowing, and awareness, that Jesus Christ was going to come at any moment. I waited and looked in the sky for Him for hours and days upon end. He would speak to me in pictures in the clouds and picture images on my window of Him and other images. I knew He was coming, soon.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was like I was seeing the world differently, hearing things, noticing things I hadn't before, seeing colors that I wasn't before. Everything was different, even songs that would speak directly to my heart which was a huge part of my healing process. Everything in my awareness was heightened. My emotions were like one big huge wound, so everything and every word affected me greatly, especially words. I knew when God was speaking and when He wasn't: as words would literally poke, and pick at my inner being. God was lifting me up and loving me, not making me hurt worse, as I was on an edge of despair, not even wanting to exist anymore. He was teaching me who He was, with how the words felt and the songs I was listening. This went on from my 'out of body experience'; it was at its highest level when I depended on God completely.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the moment I made a conscious choice to give my whole heart to God and turn from everything I knew about the world to faith. I knew I was missing out of something great. Also, remembering I had been in an 'out of body experience', when this was revealed my spirit didn't seem like a spirit. I felt more real than I had ever and at more peace with everything I had ever known. I felt that within me.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No I believe I felt there was no 'time', as I have no idea how long I was out before my husband found me. It seemed like a lot that I was experiencing, but I believe there was no time to experience in that realm.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It felt real and I've never felt so alive before, a heavenly feeling of peace and calmness, all was well with my soul.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was not normal in some situations as if I was standing right next to them. Mostly it was, at times, what I didn't want to hear.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Clearly I was a spirit seeing myself suspended in the air above the ground; I did not leave this earth from what I can remember. I was shown my future and what I would be going through in a healing process, with an angel that was with me. I was not allowed to see their face, I only knew a divine presence was with me, helping me understanding in my 'out of body experience'.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? At the time of my out of body experience, I felt an overwhelming peace that my soul was all-right with itself, no bad memories, nothing of being drunk while being passed out. I was aware of being alive not a spirit, though. I remember looking down and knowing that I was up in the air suspended, with someone by my side helping me.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future This was the purpose of my being out of body, I believe, to show me what was going to happen in awareness ahead of time. I believe God filled me with His power of Presence to help me. It was revealed that I would be sitting on my couch, crying, and other future events that I didn't remember until I would go through them later and I knew I had done it before.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian I was not close to God nor was I going to church or read my bible or anything remotely religious. I grew up a christian going to church but did not grow up in a christian home with practicing beliefs.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I pray without ceasing, always talking and communicating to God in my mind , as a form of meditation, I worship in a living lifestyle, and I find ways to fill needs for anyone; I love genuinely, every person I meet. Though some are harder to love than others. I am TOO trusting, and I do not offend anyone, as I am careful of every word that comes out of my mouth. I care about others more than myself, and I am learning to love myself as God sees me. My heart screams for God and desires a very close relationship with HIM, He is always there and He shows Himself to me. I trust that He protects me in this world. I have compassion for sinners and ignorant people who don't know how to act better in behavior and manners. Respect in authority is huge in God's order. I have humbled myself greatly, I long to help others get closer to God, and love affection. I hate evil.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian My spiritual and reigious state currently is extremely radical. I have a different awareness of Truth and Knowledge of God, his creation plan and angels and demons. I have been born again into another realm that is in the midst of this earth, the unseen world. His Kingdom. I am madly and crazy in love with God and Jesus Christ and I want to only to minister and talk about God and his salvation plan. My interest and desires have all changed. And I see the world and people and myself completely different.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience That the bible says, when you are out of body,you are present with the Lord. His presence is what sustains the universe in love, peace and joy that is heaven and surpasses all understanding.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Absolutely, everything has to line up with God's word and what pleases Him. Even the deeper issues of the heart and tackle them to walk in His Truth and Righteousness. I have understandings in depths, and it is a hard walk. But, I know it is a gift. The Bible says, when you are out of body, you are present with the Lord. His presence is what sustains the universe in love, peace and joy that is heaven and surpasses all understanding.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I was with an angel, but we did not speak with our mouths only with our minds.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Yes, that I needed to heal from sin and the hurts from this world and to fall in Love with God and to know Him intimately, and personally. I never knew you could, never knew how personal God is and How he wants to reveal Himself to us. I felt that interna
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Yes, many visons and Truth that changed me for the better that freed my mind from wrong thinking, and helped me move on to more healing, the more understanding that I was given the more peace I felt. I saw God, I smelled smells and images, that I wrote do
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes that when you are out of body, you are present with the Lord and anything that isn't right internally, is filled with balance of peace and love, and enveloped with it.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That there is definitely a life beyond the body and in the presence of God who is peace, love, and oneness in mind and spirit with His chosen. I live now in an open awareness of enlightenment, seeing things I never did in nature, animals, people and His plan for the world, and His Son Jesus Christ. It is like living in the midst of a different realm that is all around us, and seeing God everywhere: His face smiling, clouds, nature, animals, songs, and having this knowledge internally of how much He is crazy about us and wants none to perish.
Knowledge of how repentance is so important and that everyone has some ways or sin to turn from and be healed from the effects sin leaves in you. How sick we really are down here. I had a mission to tell others about what God was doing, did in my life, what he showed me, about Truth, and sin and good and evil.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes That I was sick and needing to heal and this was going to be the start of me healing as I see myself sitting on the couch looking into my window outside in my back yard. I believe I was shown other future events but I am unable to recall them.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes That there is definitely a life beyond the body, and in the presence of God who is peace love and oneness in mind and spirit with His chosen. I live now in an open awareness of enlightenment , seeing things I never did in nature animals, and people and Hi
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain Not that I recall, other than I would have this understanding I needed alot of healing from God.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes That I was sick and needing to heal.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I was in a heavenly blissful state, I had never felt that peaceful before, yes, it was heaven to me.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life My fear level has diminished considerably, but I was so immersed in the presence of God that I was extremely fearful of everything, and people, too. I was fearful that God was going to be mad at me. I tried too hard to turn my life around to be the best person for Him, in complete obedience; I changed everything I knew that didn't line up in understanding of how to walk in His Spirit. I know that my fears were irrational and kept me in bondage, but I also had bravery about me to put myself out there, in my unhealed state to change their world and turn it upside down with how wrong, unfair and hurtful it is. I wanted justice and I believe I was kept in fear for a reason to not put myself out there like that. God knew I would, because I believed what I knew was true: it was happening to me, and was real. I had no reservations to being a Joan of Arc, but I wasn't well, and a lot of what I didn't know could have hurt me terribly: even though I had good intentions. I needed to understand better and heal the hurt and anger that rose up in me in a fury. Large changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes My family and I are not close anymore because of my radical conversion. No, I have a hard time with relationships now.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Very much so, people didn't understand the spiritual language I was speaking. It was hard describing the wonderfulness and flood of emotions and experiences. I had no trouble telling of my experiences, which to me was happening so frequently, that I thought it was a normal thing, but people didn't understand. I would share with utter delight but all that was happening was so mind boggling that I would end up having to convince people instead. It made me angry that they weren't interested or were trying to understand or want to believe. I tried not to exaggerate what was going on so people would believe me and my testimony would not be jeopardized, but it never failed, they didn't want what I was sharing about God.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I know there is more in my out of body experience, and i have wrote down some of the details so I would not forget, but I know there is so of it that i can not even put into words. It is that wonderful. I wish I would have been better in writing more in details about all my experience in the beginning, I had no idea how priceless and wonderful the riches I was given really was at the time. I had no idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Many.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Seeing Jesus and I dancing together on my patio window in a wedding dress; seeing His face and my Heavenly Father's face; seeing Jesus on His Throne; Seeing Jesus: those are riches beyond me; and when He speaks to me personally: the words are better than gold. I know there is more in my out of body experience, and I have written down some of the details so I would not forget, but I know there is some of it that I cannot even put into words. It is that wonderful. I wish I would have been better in writing more in detail about all my experiences in the beginning; I had no idea how priceless and wonderful the riches I was given at the time. I had no idea!!!!!!!! I was in a heavenly blissful state; I had never felt that peaceful before, yes, it was heaven to me.
I had this understanding that I needed a lot of healing from God. I was sick and needed to heal.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared with anyone who would listen at the time until they didn't want to listen anymore. Then I decided to write a book of my testimony and experiences. I only shared about 1/3 of my experience as it was so much to write about and it would have been maybe TOO much for anyone; but I am more than willing to share everything with anyone, if they want to know what God has and is doing for me.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Not much, I have heard of others experiencing beyond, and saw movies, like Ghost and such, but not really, no.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real There is NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER, AND I WOULD DIE FOR EVERY WORD I SHARE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE. IT DOESN'T CHANGE IT IF YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT HAPPENED, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS. People, who know the truth, will know. It is a mind-set to believe, if you really want the supernatural or more of God, it is believing the impossibility, and that comes with faith of knowing who God is.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I am still experiencing God and His grace and love. Seeing Him still in the clouds, and eating His live words he speaks, and listening to Him sing to me. As I never give up, never.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I lived out the healing on the couch just like I saw in my out of body experience, which was a specific night of seeing God appear in my tree outside my window. It was the beginning of everything.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It hasn't ended, and I would love to share with anyone what has happened to me: about God and even help people know God and His love and power in your life. Supernatural things start happening when I share and encounter others: God is with me in a way that is very supernatural. When you are out of body, you are present with the Lord; and anything that isn't right internally, is filled with the balance of peace and love, and enveloped within it.
I needed to heal from sin and the hurts from this world; to fall in Love with God and to know Him intimately, and personally: I never knew you could. Never knew how personal God is and how he wants to reveal Himself to us. I felt that internally, I had a God knowledge and awareness that was awakened that I did not have before. My eyes were opened to seeing the unseen, of good and evil. God was real, He was close and wanted to get closer to me, I was in His hand as he showed me. I couldn't do anything without wanting to be closer to Him. I read book after book, and testimonies, trying to know about the ONE with whom I was falling in love. His ways were amazing, wonderful, full of mercy and compassion, and you wanted more and more and more of Him. I had many visions and Truth that changed me for the better, that freed my mind from wrong thinking, and helped me move on to more healing. The more understanding that I was given the more peace I felt.
I saw God, I smelled smells and images, which I wrote down, and tried to draw what I was seeing. I saw images in the clouds, which was one way He was speaking to me; I would see Him in nature. I would experience heightened highs that would send me into worship for hours dancing and speaking in tongues, (this was not in my out of body experience, and this was in my experience with God in the last seven years.)
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Not sure at the moment, my brain is on overload. God Bless you! Hope you like what I have shared so far!