On the afternoon of June 12, 1995, around 3:00pm I was picked up by a high school friend. She was moving back into town and had just passed her driver's test. I was grounded because I had been caught coming home in the AM hours while my father had been working midnights the previous weekend. My parents had separated 60 days prior. I lived with my father and stayed in the only house I had ever lived in. I called my father on his bag-phone and begged him to let her pick me up so that we might go see our other friend. Reluctantly, he gave me permission. The other friend's house was about 4 miles away. We would take a poorly paved rural road that has a series of small hills with the second to last hill being the steepest. A driver going 30 mph would get a 'tummy thrill' going over every hill.
My friend knew that the kids from this area would jump the hills in everything from 4-wheelers to snowmobiles. When we came down the road and around the corner, I looked at the speed we were going. She drove a silver Geo Prism. It had a digital speed gauge. I immediately told her to slow down and warned her about the hills coming up. I grew up a tom boy and was familiar with and very aware of machinery, nature, and knew there was no way she could control the car the car at the speed we were going. The speed gauge was approaching 50. She had an excessive personality and was somewhat of a jokester, optimistic teenager. She waved off my suggestion and sped up. I repeated myself as I reached around and started to put my seat-belt on. I always wore my seat-belt but our family routine was to click seatbelts on as we approached a stop sign at the start of the highway; not before that time and not on the rural roads.
The next thing I remember is waking up to a stuck and running motor sound; dust and smoke; and the sight of my condition. My right arm was twisted as though the back side of my hand was stuck facing me as if it was the palm of my hand. And I panicked and went to grab the car door handle to let myself out, except my arm wasn't moving and the door wasn't opening. I remember thinking, 'I have to be dreaming, right?' and as I asked myself this, I started looking around the car. I saw long dark hair hanging from the windshield in front of me. I saw a smashed radio console. Then I looked to my left and saw a blonde girl with her head lying on a semi-deflated airbag. I thought to myself, 'WHO is that girl?' I looked back down at my arm and noticed that a large hump was protruding through my orange sweater and blood was seeping out everywhere. Then I realized blood was on my face, falling in my eyes, and I could smell it and taste it. I realized this was not a dream. I screamed out, 'God! God! Please ! God!' I screamed so loud that my voice gave out. My intentions behind my call was literally to call upon my God and his angels to save me now. I never doubted for second God wasn't out there. But I screamed loud enough that God could not ignore me. At the same time, I noticed the blonde girl had started to move.
Then I saw a bright white light with a tinge of the palest and lightest yellow growing closer. It seemed to be coming from the sky and even though it grew closer, it didn't seem far away to begin with. But from the second I saw it, someone told me, 'I'm here. You are going to be okay. It's ok to close your eyes and rest. I will be with you. I am here.' It was a being, yet I heard no voice nor did I saw a human shape. But something was translated to me and it was real. No words can describe this. It was being of light and my God. I was immediately relieved and not scared. I believed what was being translated to me. I shut my eyes in comfort.
Five days later I woke up in a room and saw my father and grandfather in chairs sitting next to the bed I was in. My dad saw me, jumped up, and brought in a nurse. Soon after, a doctor came in. They immediately started asking me simple questions, like what year was it, who was the president, what was my home phone number, etc. I answered them. Then asked, in fact with much anger, what the heck happened and why was I here? Before telling me, they started asking me questions about that day. The only thing I remembered is what I told you above minus why I was in the car, where I was going, who I was with. I remembered the light, and I remembered the scene in the car right after impact. Nothing else surrounding the incident. The first of my account came from my father and a note that the friend left. I do not remember personal accounts of any part of that previous school year but I retained the education I learned and I did not have repeat any schooling.
Right before I woke up and saw my father and grandfather, I had an experience. I've thought about it over the years just as much as I have the light. Before I awoke, I was surrounded by earthly toned beings. Again, I cannot really describe it. There just aren't words it seems. There were many beings and one that was seemingly in control and translating to me. The being seemed female. I seemed to be debating with her saying that as much as I looked forward to staying with her, I felt love and sorrow for my dad, and that I wished to have had a child before they took me. The debate was a subtle and kind conversation. There was no animosity. And although there were two choices on the table, I remember thinking that which ever choice I was allowed to choose, everything would still be okay. I remember her telling me that if I go back, I will have a child. But that I will have a special duty as well. I made a choice to go back to the life I had rather than staying with her. She told me that I needed a lot of work and that her bees would need to heal me before I could wake and start to heal on the outside. Then I was laid down and thousands of bees swarmed me. They entered my body and exited my body in a fury for several moments. I still to this day get phantom sensations from the bees buzzing and the feelings I had of them entering and exciting my body. They did so though my ear, nose, and throat physically and swarmed consistently all around my entire body.
My injuries: a complex compound fractures of my right arm. Where the middle broken piece was protruding out of my arm. The EMTs put a tourniquet on it. Dr. Fisk saved it and I still have it today. My left hip was pushed out of the socket and sheered off a 1/4 of the bone of the ball that sits in the hip socket. I had 6 broken ribs. A broken nose. A scalped scalp causing me to lose my hair to the windshield, multiple stitches throughout my scalp. Stitched on the palm side of my left hand. A burn on my right leg below the knee from the motor coming in through and below the glove department, and a bruised brain. I was in the hospital a total of 10 days. They put my in an induced coma and fixed my arm one day, my hip the next, and let me rest the other days. afterwards, I was at home in a make shift hospital room and a wheel chair for months. My arm was in an open cast for 12 weeks. It left my arm frozen at a 90 degree angle. I had to hold a 50 pound weight in my right arm to pull it out again. Dr. Fisk warned that it would hurt, but that unless I wanted to reach for things for the rest of life and I have my arm not move, I better do it. And I did.
I was profoundly different after the accident. My personality. The way that I saw and reacted to people in the world.
Date NDE Occurred: Jun. 12, 1995
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Car Accident. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)
I was the passenger of a car during a car accident. After impact, the driver had high blood pressure, a bruised liver, and had fallen into a poison ivy patch while trying to get out of the car. The driver was highly allergic to the plant and it ultimately led to 3 days stay in the hospital.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes When I had the account with the seemingly female being and her bees, she allowed me to scan through my life. I always seemed to stop on my dad. At that moment in time, I could see him crying and I could feel his longing for me to not be gone from him yet. I felt sympathy and wanted to stay on earth because of him. I also had hoped to one day be a mother.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was like hyper-awareness.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was in shock right after impact
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
It was almost as though I was controlling the rate of time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Colors were saturated, and it was as if my vision would zoom in and out, depending on what I was looking at. I can remember seeing the fine print on the radio dash when I was seeing that it was demolished.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was poor. The sound of the stuck on engine and other distortions from the vehicle. The only thing I heard was my screams to God.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I felt a presence.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes White with the palest, slightest yellow to it. Growing closer but bringing comfort the second I saw it.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I cannot describe it. It was vast and went on forever. I seemed to have no form; nor did the beings communicating with me.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Relief, safety, reassurance, comfort from the God's light. A second home when I was speaking with the seemingly female being and her bees.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I seem to have a gift now. I can feel and sometimes see what others are going through. I get a large sense of the type of person they are. I have also had many premonitions and psychic accounts since the accident. I have always felt as though guardians surround me.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Events from my life seemed to be shown to me from a distance, as if a replay.
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I discussed my option to stay or go. Even though she seemed to want me to stay she was not upset or against me coming back. However, she made it clear that I would have a special duty. She also said that yes, I would be permitted to have a child which was one of my reasons for wanting to return.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian Baptised Christian non demoninational; attended private Christian school until age 13;hadn't been attending church at time of accident.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes It is as much a part of me as my eyes. It is no longer pigeonholed to Sunday or a church.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian I currently study the Qabalah, the 22 meditations of the Hebrew language. This book was given to me by a librarian who worked at Multnomah Co. Library in Portland, Oregon in 1997. It was on the floor and I brought it to her because it did not have a code on the binding so I did not know where to place it on the shelving. She said that it was not the library's and I may keep it. I did not open the book until 3 years ago. It was only then that I acutally realized what I had a copy of. I absolutely cherish it.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I believed in God. God Came. I never thought of a light, or a female being.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes That what we do, counts.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw no being, I heard no auditory voice but they somehow communicated to me and me to them.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I went on to study arts, culture and religion. Sometimes when I read of goddesses I feel as though that same being who had bees, is nudging me and reminding me that I have a job to do, and that I should not forgot so often that I am a spirit with strength.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes That I would have a child. That I was a good soul. That I would have a speacial job to do.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I felt as though everyone was loved but that everyone did not love eachother. This was the problem with my earthly world.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes When the seemingly female being was spending time with me, I knew she was not the same as the light. She and I knew that she was not THE God. But I knew that God was there with us during this time.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I can't say that I specifically know what my special duty is. But I seem to be doing it just by the way I treat and listen to people. I am somewhat of a mom to all of my friends. I listen and I remind them that they are loved and they have a purpose and don't have anything to fear.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Love.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I just know that it was real.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I lost blood and my mother donated blood for me. My parents paid $75 at the time to make sure it was her blood that i received. I would have died if Jeremy Fenton's mother had not fell ill and returned home from work aearly that day. She had CB in her family van and called for help. Menard County only had a rescue team. However, there had been a car accident on Route 97. when the rescue team showed up, they pronounced me dead and called in the accident. the ambulance responsing to the accident on 97 said it was not a bad accident and Duey from the rescue team had them come get my friend. About the time they arrived, so did the tool they use to crack open a crushed car door. And when they attempted to opne my door I sprung awake. Duey yelled at the EMT's to take my friend out and put me in. Duey later told me that I asked for my dad, and asked for them to please leave me alone, that I was going to die and I just needed to see my dad. He said shorlty after I became calm and held out my left hand fro him to hold. He said he held my hand I was back asleep. My orthpedic specialist brought 9 residents in to see me while in the hospital. One Indian gentleman stayed being and told me that he never bought into his parent's Hindu religion and no relgion at all but that he had sensed a God. He said, 'little lady, I tell you thikn because you are very lucky, the combination of injuries, your location, everything, says you should not be here, but you are. You are lucky and need to remember this. Because of you, I believe in a God now.'. He was right.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I knew now that there was nothing to fear. Although I believed it before and I was saved, I knew that I could tell others. I could reassure them that they are loved. and that they need to love in return.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes see above.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I do not keep harmful malicious people in my life. I also let people know when they are being unreasonable and entirely selfish. I remember watching a 'Feed the Children' commercial while I was recuperating. The same commercials I had seen several times before and I was more annoyed by them than anything. Now, it broke my heart. I didn't want to eat because they could not eat. I did not want to own anything worth anything because they had nothing. Still to this day- I am the same way.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Because I did not see a person, thing, or actually hear the being, yes. It was very real. But not in the sense that we normally know 'real'.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I am ultra-sensitive from hearing, to sight, to observing and remembering things verbatim. I sense what people are feeling and what they are like. I have also had psychic premonitions. Too many for it to be coincidence.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entire event is as meaningful as it could be.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only my current fianc├⌐ and my best friend, three weeks ago. I never realized NDEs were okay to talk discuss. I didn't want people to think I was crazy.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew it was real and I wanted to tell someone. But I did not because I felt they might cheapen it or be so mean about it that I may try to forget it. I wanted to hold it dearly to myself as only a happy recollection.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Now that I know others have also experienced these NDEs, I feel more proud of my 'definite' answer that it was and is real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am reminded of the event every day. I suffer permanent damage to my left hip and will have hip replacement surgery at an early age.