Experience Description

First of all I studied Nursing for two years, so I have quite a good knowledge about medical conditions. I suffered a sudden severe depression, and after I finished my nine month course on Seroxat, I was way worse than ever. After a long time thinking about my life before the depression and what my future holds (especially after I had been posted for three months to work in a mental hospital during my studies), I decided that if this is how life was going to be then I don't want to live. I knew it was going to be hard on my family but I couldn't cope anymore. The depression had taken over my life.

I stole some ecstasy tablets and counted them. I decided that if there's less than twenty I won't bother. There were forty two. I took them all in about ten minutes. I didn't feel anything for about fifteen minutes, and then I knew I was overdosing. As I was mentally ready for what I've done I didn't try to fight the feeling. Eventually my boyfriend that I was living with came home. I didn't want him to call the ambulance. I told him it’s almost over and I'm happy its better this way. Eventually about three and a half hours after I took the tablets, I was seeing many colors. I knew I was hallucinating. Then suddenly there was this bright white light and I knew it was so close to being over. I was drawn to the peacefulness. I just kept thinking, ‘this is it.’ It’s almost over.

My boyfriend kept slapping me hard to keep me conscious, but I just felt something numb on my face and couldn't feel my arms and legs anymore. I was floating up, getting closer to the light. Every time my boyfriend shook me or slapped me, I was back on the couch. I remember getting very annoyed because the light was 'calling' me. Eventually my boyfriend decided to take me to hospital with my car, as the ambulance hadn't arrived after almost an hour. I remember my boyfriend driving fast and beeping the horn constantly and the panic and shouting but I was above it going to the light.

Eventually, I remember my boyfriend carrying me to the emergency room, then passing me on to a nurse and eventually I was on a bed or a stretcher. The doctor was calling my name telling me to speak to him, but I remember telling him to leave me alone. I just wanted to go to the light. Then I just felt peacefulness. The panic around me stopped. I was being 'lifted' to the light. Three days later, I woke up from a coma after I was on artificial in ventilation.

My parents later told me the doctors told them to start preparing for my funeral on my second day of the coma. When I woke up, the doctors said it was impossible for me to be alive or not have any brain damage. Basically, they said it was 'medically impossible' since I was admitted to hospital more than four hours after I took the tablets. It was too late to pump my stomach and I had to go through the full effect of forty two ecstasy tablets.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 09/17/2001

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death . I was clinically dead. I stopped breathing.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I knew my body was on the couch, but my 'soul' was being lifted. I knew I was getting separated.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was aware of where I was. I could hear what was going on around me but was too focused on the bright white light.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? There was a sound but it’s hard to describe. Not music or voices. Closest thing I can think of is the sound you hear when you are diving in the sea. But still different.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Just a bright white light that doesn't hurt your eyes. I was drawn to it. I had to go to it. Kind of magnetic.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Due to the overdose I wasn't able to feel my arms and legs. Later I was told my body was jumping. I could feel part of me being lifted, but not my whole body. Kind of my 'soul.'

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Amazing happiness that no one will experience in life. Not the happiness as we know it. Also total peacefulness.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I just knew that at the end of the bright white light there was 'God'. I could feel him. There was kind of a communication but not talking. Somehow I just knew, like I was being told without hearing anyone speak.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Catholic

What is your religion now? Moderate Catholic

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The second I woke up from the coma I refused to be depressed ever again. I had more strength to fight the depression and, luckily enough, I never got depression again.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Can't really say there was a worst part in the actual near death experience. The best part was knowing that there is something after life. I don't know what, but my boyfriend just believes that once you die that's it. But I know we reach another 'level' I can never forget the peacefulness and happiness awaiting us.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I haven't told many people. They were amazed, but I think it’s hard to understand until you experience it, and most people won't have the chance to come back and share their experience, unfortunately.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I had to have surgery which has nothing to do with this event. When I was coming out of general anesthesia, I was reliving it. Then my friends told me I was crying a lot.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I read your articles about out of body experiences, and I think it’s all psychological. You read about near death experiences and know what people went through and subconsciously you try to recreate it.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? What is the very last thing you remember? What situation made you experience the near death experience? Try to seek more medical knowledge from the person. Ask if they were undergoing treatment or suffering from an illness beforehand. Try to understand if it actually was a near death experience or hallucination. Also maybe help me to come to terms with the whole near death experience. Tell us how people were affected afterwards. How they were leading their lives. If they still think about it every day? I never met anyone that went through a near death experience so it’s hard to know how to deal with it after. I just try to forget about it but it’s hard.