I saw a light. It appeared small and then grew bigger and encompassed me into it. I was not afraid and very much able to evaluate the light coming toward me. I noted it was not large and then grew larger. I remember 'floating' through this tunnel like thing - and then I just folded out into a huge room - not sure it was a room but it was a space. It was brilliant and had a pink tinge. (Hence the name of the book I later wrote about it titled 'Is God Pink - Dying to Heal''.)
God held me - I don't remember if my whole body was in his arms or what - no recognition of that. I knew it was God because he was an omnipotent being. Not like a person - much less limited in form. I did not see God but felt him through my skin. He spoke through all of my senses. He called me by name and told me I could not stay. I protested. I told him all of my services on earth (working 24/7, not much money for my work, a good wife, a good mother) I did not want to leave this place. Then God asked me, He said, 'Let me ask you one question. Have you ever loved another person the way you have been loved here?' The love I had received in that time was so overpowering - I had never felt anything like it so I answered God honestly. I said, 'No, it is impossible, I am just a human, you are God.' He gave me the illusion of a sweet protective chuckle. He then said, 'Mary, you can do better.'
I woke up to my husband shaking my arm and crying - telling me I was very sick and they were going to have to take me to surgery. He was telling me they would have to open my head and clip an artery that was bleeding. He told me please not to die. I told my husband not to worry. I had just talked to God and He wouldn't let me die. My husband thought I was hallucinating (he is a physician, and I would have thought that too since I worked in a Cancer Center and used to never believe these stories). I recovered so quickly from the brain surgery - the neurosurgeons were perplexed how this could be.
Date NDE Occurred: 'April 24, 2003'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Direct head injury Cerebral aneurysm Other I had a cerebral aneurysm...I am sure my brain was dying...but my heart rate although slowed was beating
I could have died - I had about 50cc of blood in my head. An artery in my brain had burst.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was aware and alert through all of it. I was so overtaken by the love and acceptance I did not look around much. I was so content and at peace when I wasn't arguing with God to stay.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
When I came back it seemed like I had talked to God for a long while. It was only a two to three minutes that I was unresponsive.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was different. There was a sense that I had a 'Knowingness' I do not have in my everyday world. Everything made more sense. I think this place I went was also a place I had come from. It was not scary - I belonged there.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard through my other senses though. I do not think my hearing was different than my sight or skin.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I saw a light which became bigger and I went into it. I floated through something that appeared 'tunnel like' - although I am not sure.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It started small and became larger.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was in a beautiful place. It had brilliant lighting and I was held by God in this place.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Total loving - acceptance. I had never been loved like that.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I was being held by God in a beautiful room. He told me I could not stay. I was upset and started protesting.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Very skeptical at the time that there was a God as I had been taught as a child.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am more spiritual - less religious.
What is your religion now? Moderate I am very spiritual...still practice the Catholic faith...but very differently.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am more spiritual - less religious.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I felt like everything there made sense to me. I had a knowingness of this place. It felt like my original source.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain At first they changed a lot. I expected more from them - thought they had seen the same thing I had seen because of my experience. I realized that I have to live with people who do not have the same awareness I have. It is difficult. I am constantly frustrated by petty situations I am pulled into. When I first came back it was easier - I find myself becoming more and more 'human' again.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The colors were not colors as we know them. They were brilliant. God spoke to me through all of my senses. The love and acceptance I felt was not a human emotion I had ever experienced before. I had to grieve being sent back to earth.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My analytical skills are much improved. I also look younger. I have no fear of death. I have a sense that we are 'limitless' in what we can give and do on earth. The only limit is ourselves. I see life on earth as more plastic - not real. I see my body as a shell I have to take care of - but it is not meant forever. I have a trust and I now know there is a God. It feels like everything now that I want to progress in is happening - almost like an unfolding for me in a way it has never done before.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It was all significant to me. The room - the colors, the feeling of God's talking to me. The feeling of love and acceptance. I am a psychotherapist and are paid a lot of money to help people change. I may spend years trying to help them change one small behavior. I spend two minutes with God and my whole life has changed. Who can explain that?
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I work in healthcare so I was afraid to talk about it. I told the first person about a week after I got home from the hospital. I talked to my husband about it right away. He is agnostic but had to admit some 'weird things happened that he cannot explain'. I was supposed to die - and I walked out of the hospital not needing any rehab. It was unbelievable considering the assault to my brain.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain Many patients dying of cancer while in my care would tell me they saw angels or had visions. I was soooo skeptical. I regret that now. What a fool I was, and how much more I could have helped them pass on to God if I would have been a better listener.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It scared me. I wasn't sure I could live in this world after being with God. I had a lot of grief coming back to Earth. I had to talk to a therapist to let go of being with God. It wasn't the right time.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I feel like it is a great blessing and responsibility. I could rationalize that I was ignorant or unknowing when I sinned before my experience with God. Now I cannot say that anymore. He held me and talked to me. Nothing in my life is the same.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It continues to be the biggest blessing of my life.