Please let me explain my circumstances upon waking up from the coma first hand. It took me a day or two to remember my experience.
I lost the week before my car accident, and the next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital, and I felt like it was the middle of the night. I was in so much unspeakable pain, and I was soooooo thirsty. They said 'Welcome back Mary, you are in the hospital, and you were in a very bad wreck.' The first thing I did was try to jump up, but of course couldn't. I had a broken back, an external pelvic fixator sticking out of my hips, I had a tracheotomy in, and had a gaping huge wound down my abdomen because they couldn't sew me up because I was so swollen. Frantically squeaked out my voice, which said 'My son!!!', and they said 'No no! Your son was not in the car, he is fine!'
After that, I was so relieved, and just focused upon my thirst. They said I couldn't have any water because I was very sick. I ended up contracting MRSA, and Pneumonia three times and had severe pneumonia when I woke up. They sucked the lung fluid out of my trachea when I couldn't breathe for a week.
I remember being so very angry, they wouldn't give me any water. Felling that thirst was like being in the bowels of hell. They eventually gave me little wet pink spongy things on sticks, and I sucked as much water as I could out, and I passed out again. I woke up the next day in daylight, and my family was there. They said I wasn't right in my head for two weeks. They said I talked like a child. I remember wondering if I really did die and was in hell, in the form of a hospital. I was not right in my head for at least two weeks after waking up. I couldn't focus, not only in my head, but in my vision as well. I couldn't read, focus, write, or draw. I was suffering delusions the first few days. I thought my mom died, I had thought they told me that, the hospital staff, and I was so scared and sad, until I saw her in the flesh that day. I was ever so relieved.
Finally, after about a couple of days, I was getting back to normal in my head. All I could think of was what I experienced:
I was floating in complete darkness. I knew I wasn't on Earth. I instantly realized that I had been away from Earth for a long time but only a short time where I was at. It was if you would compare the two lengths of time, they were the same, but different when viewed from each perspective, if that makes sense. It was like one minute I was in complete darkness, kind of like floating in outer space, and this was equal to like a week when viewed from earth. It was like switching American dollars to denominations from other countries, like a foreign currency exchange. This is the only way I could contemplate, or explain, the concept of time where I was at. Anyways, the time difference was the first thing I remember thinking. Then I remember wondering where I was at.
I felt like I was naked, floating in the middle of outer space, in pitch black darkness, but even though I couldn't see, and even though it was complete darkness all around, I knew, and felt a bright white light, encompassing my whole body, in which I was floating in the fetal position. It was like I could see the light trough my closed eyelids. During this realization, I was a tiny bit scared. I was thinking that this isn't right. It felt like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was like the best feeling you could ever think of on Earth, and intensified by a trillion.
I can't remember hearing the voice; I can't remember if I heard it aurally, or mentally. Yet, a female voice said, 'You have to go back.' I said, 'I don't want to go back.' Then I remember her saying it again, and I heard it through my ears. She said it louder and sternly.
That's all I remember. I did not experience a tunnel, or rising over my body in the hospital, no life reviews, no deceased relatives (but I didn't really know anyone who had died). I didn't have the typical experience, but I know for a fact I had it. I felt it. I know it is real. I know for a fact God exists, and the spirit lives on, and when the spirit comes home, it's better than any joy that can be perceived in this place we reside; Earth.
It seemed as if my experience was only a moment here on Earth. During the experience, when I was on the other side, I can't necessarily say how long the whole thing was, due to time not existing there. But if compared to Earth time, in terms of hours or minutes, I'd say it was perhaps an hour or so. I was at the highest level of consciousness during the whole experience. There wasn't a time when I wasn't. The only thing unenlightening about it was myself thinking 'Wait a minute, this isn't right.' But those thoughts were quickly edged out and forgotten by the pure bliss and utmost forever wonderful feeling I was feeling.
I felt confused at first, but I just went with it, for there was nothing else I could do. It was what it was. I felt purely awesome. That feeling was better than any drug on Earth. I just felt great, with an indescribable, eternal, never-ending, awesome, greatness. I knew that back on Earth, I didn't feel good at all. I actually never really felt too good my whole life mentally. I lived my life feeling as if I was just here to get it done and over with. I don't feel that way anymore.
Date NDE Occurred: 'July 1st, 2006'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. CPR given. Direct head injury Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was not shown the wonders of the world, all knowledge, or a life review, as mentioned in the book, but I remember the feeling. That feeling, like I am sure many others have stated, is indescribable. Seeing your child for the first time after birth, climbing a mountain, hitting a jackpot on a slot machine, solving a major problem, appreciating beauty, the best day of your life, the feeling 'over there' is a billion times better than any of that.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the whole experience. See narrative above
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
Like I had stated before, that was one of the first things I was thinking of, when questioning what was going on. I knew that a minute where I was at was like a week or two back where I came from. I knew the sudden 'couple of minutes' of what I was experiencing was a long time. A few weeks had past where I came from. A couple of 'minutes' was two/three weeks back on Earth. It was like sudden knowledge. No one had ever told me such things like this, but as soon as I thought of time, which was the first thing I remember thinking of, I automatically knew it had been a long time back on Earth. When I was thinking of it, I didn't think 'Earth'. That word was never conjured in my head. It was simply 'where I had come from', and I knew where I was at was not where I came from. That was like automatic knowledge as well.
I felt united or at one with the World.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I am not completely sure if the female voice, (I never saw who it came from), first spoke to me in words. I can't remember if it was aurally. I knew her second command was aural, I heard it in my ears, like she was about to yell at me, if I didn't go back. She only had to tell me twice before she got mad. I felt like I didn't want to make her mad, whomever she was. I felt like she was getting mad at me because I wasn't listening, because I wanted to stay. I think when she first communicated, it was in my head; when I first heard her speak, and it was in my mind.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I did not run into anyone I knew, or should have known, on the other side, to my knowledge. I just heard the one female voice, but I never saw her. I don't know who she was.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I didn't have my eyes open, but it was there, I could see it through closed eyelids, and felt it. It was an unusually bright light
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place The best I can describe it is like that scene in some Stoner movie, where a fetus is floating in outer space inside a placenta, around the planets, a typical hallucination of people on LSD from the seventies. That's the only thing I can compare it to. I was floating in pitch-black outer space, with nothing and everything all around me, in the fetal position, naked, neither hot nor cold, nor no thought of temperature at all. At first, questioning what was going on for a split second, and then going with the feeling of greatness and superb bliss.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No I never was told the secrets of the universe, or never felt as if I knew it all, but I surely did feel like I knew a lot more than I did back where I came from. I still feel that way to this day. I have always been an intelligent person, but I came back spiritually 'educated' if you will.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future Even though I did not have any scenes of the future that I can recall in the NDE, I do have to share that a few years after the experience, I was slipping into depression again, since I am permanently and painfully injured. I stress this may not seem relevant initially, but I promise it is, to me anyways. But I was getting in a down mental state again about three years after my NDE. I had a dream. I had dreamt I was wading in a cesspool in the outskirts of some depressing, overcast town, trying to get out. I had the notion in my head that something was out to get me, and the dream went on like this for quite a while. It was like I lived a few days, within the dream, with a feeling of impending doom. Anyways, I was walking down a cobblestone street in the rain, I noticed a man in a silver hooded jacket, and I couldn't see his face. He kept following me. I felt he was after me. I got scared and ran. The next thing I know, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and the man who was following me was face to face to me. And I got extremely frightened, for this man had no face! Just a gray, smooth, featureless, slate of a face. I screamed. He grabbed me, and said 'Shhhhhh!!! Mary!!! It's O.k.!!! Chill out!!' I calmed down minimally, and turned around, and saw my body lying in an intersection, dead, with two cars collided, with me in between them, with people freaking out and crying, and I instantly got frightened. I said to him 'I knew you were coming, so I was trying to out run you, and now look!!!' He, the Reaper, with a gray slate for a face, said 'I know Mary it's frightening at first, but seriously, trust me, it's all good.' He said 'We all have to die. Now I have to take you somewhere,' he stated. I said OK, but only if he swore he was telling the truth. He said he was. I didn't really trust him, and I was ever so frightened. I didn't want to die.
He took me to the basement of a huge grand building. The basement was huge. It was completely pitch black, except for a light off on the other side, miles away. It looked like a roaring fire in a fireplace in the distance. He told me that he had to leave me now, and told me to go to the fire. He told me not to be scared. So I walked forever until I got there, and I was pleasantly surprised to see my parents and my son's father, whom are the people I love most in life, next to my son, although my son wasn't there. I was greeted by hugs, and warmth, and we sat on a cool old Victorian style, burgundy couch. Above the fireplace was a flat screen TV, and we started watching my life, happily, as if looking in an old photo album one has not viewed in twenty years. Then I awoke. I know this was just a dream, but I felt as if it was a reaffirmation of the glories and joys of life, and not to be scared of death, for it's a trillion times better in the afterlife, for all, all encompassed in everlasting light and love. To me, this is a somewhat premonition of the future, although not experienced in my NDE. I felt like it was a reminder to keep the up and up I learned from my NDE. I hope reading this was not a waste of your time. I do feel it is relevant. I felt this was truth, and was something that will happen to me in the future.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No I was just floating in black darkness with an invisible light all around me. I just had the voice telling me to go back. It wasn't like 'this side of the line, as opposed to that side,' or anything like that.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I can't say I had a line presented to me with a choice of crossing it or not. I didn't want to come back, but a woman told me no, and I obliged. I am glad I did, because my son had just turned two years old, two weeks previously, when this happened. If I stayed, I would have robbed my son of a mother, and that's not right. I truly believe I am here to be an awesome mother to my son, and I always was an awesome mother, but now I am a 'superb mom of the year' type of mother.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist I did not believe in God, only science..I figured that when you die, that is it. I was not raised with religion in my life, so I was never into it, and I even thought everyone involved with religous organizations were simply wasting their time.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I still don't practice in any congregation, but I pray in my head before bed every night, and I ask God to keep my family, my parents, my son, and my son's father, and his mother, safe. I imagine the light over my loved ones and me every night, and ask for health and safety, for this World is a very dangerous place. And scary too. Death is nothing compared to living life.
As the years have gone on, I have felt God's presence through signs, personalized signs, just for me, quite frequently. God and a guardian angel, I am sure, have assured me I am ALWAYS safe, AND ALWAYS taken care of, no matter what.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I still am not involved in any religion, but I do respect everyone, and their religion. I no longer look down upon people for that aspect of their lives. But I do know God, in whatever form you choose to beleive in him, is real, and does exist. But in my opinion, from what I experienced, God is bigger than everything one could conceive. You just can't explain God. But he is there, that's for sure!
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was a pessimistic manic despressive individual whom felt I had no place here in this world, and I felt like I was waiting around to die. The only time I didn't feel like that was when I got pregnant, and the year after giving birth... Then I felt those negative mindsets again, and then I died twice, from trauma ten trauma, and my life was changed forever.I no longer feel like I am sitting around, waiting to die.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I did not believe in God before. I thought, like so many other people that if there was a God, he would not let all the atrocious and despicable things that happen on Earth happen! My sister, a month ago, when Colorado Springs was burning down in Colorado, stated 'That's why I don't believe in God, because if there is a god, he wouldn't let that happen.' I responded simply with 'It has nothing to do with God'. I left it at that. I said that because it is the truth. I tried to explain to her, but I just couldn't. She thinks I'm full of shit anyways.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify A woman told me I had to go back. I said 'No, I do not want to go back'. To be specific, being a pessimistic manic depressive, I actually remember saying, and excuse the specific's, But I said, 'Na, fu#$ that! I wanna stay here.', and after that, she said it again, this time aurally, and it was stern, kind of on the verge of a yell. I listened the second time. And I don't remember anything after that, except them waking me up in the hospital.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain God goes by many names. And since I never knew him personally in my previous life before the NDE, or in any organized religion, all I can say is yes, I encountered God. I can't say he spoke to me personally, because he didn't, but I felt him, and knew he
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I got affirmation that God is real. Exiatance after death is real. It's kind of like life is a school, or a trip, or bootcamp, that a spirit signs up for, in a way, to further their knoweldge. And most of us, will be back, for another round, if we choose.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes God made it all. Universe and all space around the known universe, that is too far for humans to navigate, at this point in history, to discover....All I can say is God is bigger than anything anyone can think up. He made it all, and loves every one of hi
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Once again, God never spoke to me personally, nor did anyone really, except for the woman telling me to go back. But like above, I felt it. And that feeling is revealing in terms of God. Only God can make you feel like that, and he let me feel like that, even though it was only momentarily. I have been a believer since. Especially in my daily life. I observe so many people every single day, whom wear misery on their face's, and complaing about this and that, and getting mad about things that are so small and trivial. I am no longer like that. I am not perfect, and I'm not saying I no longer have experienced anger since, but my temperment and mentality, and problem solving is for sure increased, ten fold.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I felt special that I experienced God, firsthand, even though he never was brought directly to my attention. I still felt as if I knew him, after that.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I just left with the feeling that I need to chill out, and quit all the negativity I have mostly engaged in lifelong. You just need to let go, eventually....Just like death.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I cannot describe it because I merely felt it. Once I felt it, was when I knew. It was a fact, once I felt it. I know there is an afterlife.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I came back with the unspoken knoweledge that we all can better ourselves every single day, and should try our hardest to do so. All the negativity is something that exists here on earth, but it doesn't exist over there. But we all have to do our best, and it isn't just a saying. We all need to strive to be helpful, kind, and non-judgmental....Despite that being a hard endeavor in this day and age, we all still have to try our best.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No I kind of feel like my whole life was hardships, so there was no need for that. I did not encounter any such information towards such.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Once again, it wasn't said, but the specific information/awareness of love, was simply wrapped up in the indescribable bliss I felt from head to toe. It wasn't a love like love on Earth. They follow the same principles, but out of this world love, like wh
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I was a pessimistic manic depressive individual whom felt I had no place here in this World, and I felt like I was waiting around to die. The only time I didn't feel like that was when I got pregnant, and the year after giving birth. Then I felt those negative mindsets again, and then I died twice, from trauma ten trauma, and my life was changed forever. I no longer feel like I am sitting around, waiting to die. I came back with the unspoken knowledge that we all can better ourselves every single day, and should try our hardest to do so. All the negativity is something that exists here on Earth, but it doesn't exist over there. We all have to do our best, and it isn't just a saying. We all need to strive to be helpful, kind, and non-judgmental. Despite that being a hard endeavor in this day and age, we all still have to try our best.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain I have not changed into a perfect person. I was pretty bitter after the wreck, just because the guy who did this to me plead not guilty all the way, as if he didn't cause these injuries to me, and was just a total jerk. He didn't have a prior record; he only served a month in jail after being sentenced to six. He quit paying me my restitution, my measly 38,000.00 dollars. I was pretty bitter of that. I just had the sixth year anniversary of my death. I feel like I'm letting go of all my hate towards the guy who ruined my life, and the numerous other guys who have verbally abused me, physically abused me, and raped me. They took pretty much everything from me, such as my house, my livelihood, the ability to walk correctly, hold my baby on my hip, my physicality. I'm starting to let go of the grudges.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I still can't explain the above thoroughly. You just can't. The feeling of God is not meant to be put into words, nor could it ever be.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I only say ‘as accurately’ due to the fact that I remember the NDE, and I remember waking up out of the coma. I will never forget those two experiences. They are both meaningless to describe in spoken word. Because you just can't.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I feel like I can be a good judge of character, and also I kind of feel like I am successful at knowing what people are thinking, without them saying it. I kind of felt like I could do that previously, so I don't know.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? What was so meaningful to me was that God saved me. God let me come back and healed me. The doctors said they had never seen anyone survive my injuries before. They said they didn't know why I survived, and why I wasn't paralyzed. I even had a doctor tell me he was going to write about me in a medical journal, but I don't know if that actually happened. Being a miracle is one thing I appreciate, but first and foremost, the most significant, is feeling God, and KNOWING he is there.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told several people as soon as I could talk. Most looked at me like I was still messed up from coma drugs and trauma. That was the worst, being treated as if I was stupid. I have continued to speak of such to any who will listen, or ask. They all ask when I talk about my car wreck)
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard of such, and the white light and all that. After actually experiencing it, I am a believer, although mine wasn't the typical NDE, I guess.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real Logic and earthly reasoning kicked in. I started telling myself, maybe it was all the drugs they had me on, all the trauma, nutrition through a stomach tube, for two months. All these things were piling up in my head, and for years I figured it either happened, or it didn't, but I was more on the side of it indeed did happen.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real You cannot hallucinate, medicate, or make this feeling up. It happened, and I have never felt anything so strong, in such a capacity, I guess you could say. There's just no way of falsifying this. Anyone who has been through it knows, without speaking a word.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I won't go into details, for we will be here all day, but God has come to me when I feel like I'm losing it, or when horribly worried about health,(I had a cancer scare for the second time in my life.)God sends me signs, in which he reinforces his presence. No matter what happens to you, you will be OK. Being shocked back to life, my injuries, my pain, and everything that happened, just in this car wreck alone, nonetheless all the other hard stuff I went through in life. I know eventually, someday, my time will come, and I will be freed from the pain, utterly, and completely, and will be myself, but a million times better, enjoying myself more than I would ever imagine. Someday. I know this for a fact.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I got affirmation that God is real. Existence after death is real. It's like life is a school, or a trip, or boot camp that a spirit signs up for, in a way, to further their knowledge. Most of us will be back for another round, if we choose. God never spoke to me personally, nor did anyone really, except for the woman telling me to go back. But like above, I felt it. And that feeling is revealing in terms of God. Only God can make you feel like that, and he let me feel like that, even though it was only momentarily. I have been a believer since, especially in my daily life. I observe so many people every single day, whom wear misery on their faces, complaining about this and that, and getting mad about things that are so small and trivial. I am no longer like that. I am not perfect, and I'm not saying I no longer have experienced anger since, but my temperament and mentality, and problem solving is for sure increased tenfold. God made it all, the universe and all space around the known universe that is too far for humans to navigate at this point in history, to discover. All I can say is God is bigger than anything anyone can think up. He made it all, and loves every one of his creations.
Although it wasn't said, but the specific information/awareness of love, was simply wrapped up in the indescribable bliss I felt from head to toe. It wasn't a love like love on Earth. It follows the same principles, but out of this World, the love I felt is like the butterflies in your stomach within a young puppy love relationship, intensified by a trillion. It is anything you can think of, that truly brings a smile to your face, that truly makes you happy, times a trillion.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I can't think of any more. I think you asked the questions as accurately as one could. These things are very hard to put into words. Thank you for listening. Most people think I'm full of crap, and reading the book, made me cry many tears of joy. It was like an epiphany, and it felt good to hear that so many other people have similar experiences to mine. I thank you, Dr. Jeffrey Long, and everyone involved.