Mary D STE

Experience Description

Loved: A Transcendent Journey  Check it out at:  Click Here







This is an excerpt from my experience of oneness that is fully described in my book:

When I focused my attention on the grass, the love was like I am reveling in the life, in the detail. I am love revealing and expressing myself as grass, it was glorious!

In the experience of being one of the trees, I felt the love resonating like a sense of strength and glorious power, sturdiness, powerfulness, and longevity. When I felt the love when the beam first reached me, it was first like I am precious, I am cherished. I felt cherished, I felt me specifically, I am loved by God and I want you to feel that, that truth, that knowing in your cells: that you are cherished, you are loved, you are precious, you are God's precious baby, delicate precious infant, God's own creation. God loves you as if you were the only thing in existence. God loves all things like that. God loves all of existence preciously and specifically. God glories in the detail of the magnificence of the life you are co-creating with God. I love God.

When my focus shifted to the rocks, I lost my focus from the love, I was so surprised, I still felt the love but my focus was on ‘really? I am the rock? Really?’ When my focus shifted to become the universe, the love re-established and multiplied with such immense, immense love. I love remembering it. I love trying to get back to the place, the immensity of the whole universe. I love it. So full, so incredibly awesome, immense love, I want that love for you. I want you to know the immensity of the love that God has for everything in the universe and the universe itself. It's so immense; I love that.

I want to try to take you there with me, so imagine how big the earth is. Wait, no, back it up, and imagine how small a grain of sand is. So you make the earth a grain of sand, and then the sun is as big as the earth. Then you make the sun a grain of sand and the solar system as big as the sun. Then you make the solar system a grain of sand and the galaxy as big as the solar system. Then you make the galaxy a grain of sand and a tiny little piece of the universe as big as the galaxy. Then you make all the quadrants of the Universe as a grain of sand and the Void is bigger than the universe, if the universe is a grain of sand. Then stretch it all back, which is the immensity of love.

When my focus went to the field of particles, I had the thought, ‘What is this?’ that was immediately answered with, ‘This is the tiniest particle. This is from what matter comes. This is love expressed as material. This is what everything is constructed from. This love, this love expressed as matter, is what the universe is made. This is love; this is God's love. Each physical piece of it is love and consciousness, and the space between is love, consciousness and infinite knowledge, infinite information. This is what you did not know yet. This thing, this is it, this is the bridge between my love unexpressed and you. This is the bridge between all that energy unexpressed in the void and you, this field’.

I drifted through the field, not in any particular spot, and I observed how the particles were organized in this matrix; and in the matrix, the particles were not touching each other, not a single one was touching any of the other ones. They emitted a light, the rays of light from one reached the rays of light from the other, they entangled, and those lines of energy kept the distance stabilized. The energy pushing out, the rays coming out kept the next particle separate; there was a tiny membrane around each particle and inside the particle was illuminated, too. It is not that there's something more, this is IT, this is the tiniest thing: this radiating particle.

If I was going to draw it, it really just looks white but I was seeing or experiencing the information of the particles-ness of the substance, that it’s actually matter, the way we understand, the way common people understand matter. Just let me be clear on that, since taking a bunch of physics classes there are some people who would say there's no matter in the universe, it is all energy. Matter is energy and expressed as matter, it is different resonance. It's stable energy and is different. It's not just energy, it is energy expressed as matter. It's love actually. It has equilibrium, a push and a pull, or radiance and a grab.

Within each little buffered field, each particle did have some wiggle room to move around. It didn't spin. I shared this story with my astronomy professor and he asked me if they were spinning but they were not spinning. They were just moving slightly in their positions and sometimes there would be several moving in sequence, thus, there would be like a wave effect; mostly they were, individually, just little nudges moving around slightly so I can now extrapolate in what that could result. Any tiny fluctuation could result in the fabulous detail of the reality in which we exist. Just like that fractal math, the tiniest little fluctuation creates detail and that's what I saw. The love there was really immense and phenomenal, as well. I don't want to lose that. Each particle was conscious and loved specifically.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 03/29/2001 4:20 pm Pacific time

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Other: Healthy, Stayed conscious.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes My physical body stayed conscious while operating my vehicle. I have subsequently had veridical OBEs. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was the vast void, let’s say: normal is 11 or so lines of coded information. The vast void had a millions lines of coded information.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Slowed, stopped and went outside of time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see 720 degrees and through time and space. I was outside of time and space. Layers and layers of visual information like Photoshop by seeing the image the information of all the layers is self-evident. Also, emotional and other types of information were available.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The sound also contained layers of additional information and emotion and intensity: it still does.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I saw a beam of white. It came out of the sky and touched me on the shoulder. I felt the tangible touch. I became one with the beam. This beam transitioned me from my body. This was an experience that seems to be functionally equivalent to ‘the tunnel’.

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No Not in this particular experience, but in many others.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The Beam was diffused at the top and sharp on the edges and came to a point at my shoulder. Then my body glowed in a bluish white from inside. The field of particles was also sort of light.

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The field of particles and the vast void.

The experience included: Hellish imagery

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Immense Love

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

The experience included: Awareness of the future

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Why is this an either or question? I received much information about the future.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes There was an event horizon between the fields of particle, and then I went beyond to the vast void.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will This is a little vague but I did feel like the topic came up and was decided.

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist Formerly Catholic but never really believed it during the time I was going through a period of atheism then agnosticism and I was conducting an experiment to experience God.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes From doubt to certainty.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated My knowledge now is beyond all religious limitations. I understand the value of them for others.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience The name "God of Abraham" is obviously from my culture and the beam does show up in the bible several places, but the whole experience is so far beyond anything that is taught in Catholicism it is inconsistent.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes God does exist and loves me. My actions matter. I am more aware of my actions and feelings.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I heard several voices from different locations around me and within me. One said ‘everything will be alright.’ One responding to my unasked question ‘who are you?’ The response: ‘God of Abraham.’

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No Not in this particular experience but in many other expereinces.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I, as God am uncreated, eternal, have been before this and will remain after.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes We are one!

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God Exists. We are in fact God but we chose to forget ourselves.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Omniscient!

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes We exist to experience. All of creation exists to experience.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes We are so much more that this fluff of biomatter.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes From the higher perspective it all makes sense, frustrating as it is that we don't remember. It does help to know that.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Suffering is a mechanism for spiritual evolution which is one of the most valuable experiences to have the experience of learning growing and evolving and we remember who we really are and return home.

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is the basis of all creation. Love is God. God is Love.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. I felt horrible working for corrupt corporations and challenged their behavior. That did not go over very well. I have a difficult time receiving money now. It is a work in progress.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain I am still a hot mess when it comes to relationships. But I hope there is a much stronger connection with some.

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There is creation beyond anything in the physical universe.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It's more clear and more intense as a memory than reality is as reality.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can talk to the sun and the sun answers. I can feel solar flares and other fluctuations in the magnetic field. I have prophetic dreams and visions. I’m hugely empathic.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The field of particles that is the substructure of the universe has not yet been validated by science, but it will. In 2013, UCLA imaged the atoms of platinum and it looks the same as the field I saw. I feel that is because atomic structure is built on the framework of the field.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A couple of days after, I told my friend who believed me because she had already had an OBE.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had seen this awesome site; and read a few of the stories. I had also seen TV show about it.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was absolutely real but I still wanted to meet someone else who had experienced it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Validation, Validation, Validation. Other people have experienced similar and almost identical experiences.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I have since had many OBEs: Fully through layers of heaven, hell and the vast void.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I never was close to death but it is still an NDE because of the spiritual elements. Also it is not enlightenment because I did not have spiritual guides and community. It is not just an OBE from sleeping because I was fully conscious. It does not really fit any category. I also felt most at home with NDE, as opposed to any other group.