I only knew that my physical body was dying. Without fear and after going through a phase of denial, I gave myself up to death. After my experience, I resigned myself to either living or dying. Even after a year, I continue to be confused. It is like having been reborn, learning to walk again, and feeling the world around me.
Date NDE Occurred: 12/19/2006
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' . There were three life-threatening episodes caused from severe hyponatremia and cardiac failure almost to the point of needing a transplant.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal In the coronary unit.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While in the coronary unit.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I lost the connection between my body and my mind.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? There was diminishing clarity in colors and brightness that still continues to this day.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw my dead father, aunt, and grandparents.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I returned to my body through a tunnel of light. When I returned from surgery, there was darkness.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt a vacant feeling of relief when I returned but my body didn't feel anything.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Just my life, infancy, adolescence etc.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I felt the presence of loved ones who had died. They were sitting on my bed talking to me, giving me courage, and telling me that everything would be O.K. soon.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I learned that life and death are the same, but that I shouldn't leave earth prematurely.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My relationship with my family and friends as well as my view of the world I am now in.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I awoke in the world not knowing anything and having to relearn everything. I have unknown fears, no desire to live, no way to reconnect with the physical world. I feel sadness and indifference. I have no feelings of love for anyone. I feel very alone. I feel like I am someone I never was and am returning to something unknown. There is conflict between my own being and not knowing who I am.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Everything I experienced before and after the surgery.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes With family members, friends, psychologists, and psychiatrists. I was diagnosed with depression from emotional trauma and suicidal.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had cardiovascular surgery when I was 4 years old, paroxysmal tachycardia at 32. I believe they are memories of critical situations in life.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. Experience was definitely real and traumatizing. I felt as if I had returned from some kind of hell and didn't not know why I was alive.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It completely changed my life. I feel lost and do not understand the world I am in.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Medications
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Questions about confused states, personality changes, fears, anxieties, rupture with the past, not understanding the present, and fear of the future.