September 2012 — It was a normal average day and I was sitting on a chair having a cup of coffee. Suddenly I felt intense pain in my chest as if a knife was stuck into me. Finally, I decided to call the doctor just to be sure it was nothing serious which I was getting the feeling it might be. After I explained everything he said, 'I'm coming over to see you.' And then I thought, 'It's not good if a doctor of his own accord wants to come to see you.' That premonition was correct as within half an hour I was in the hospital getting checked out. After going through the scanner I then went to intensive care (IC). It was determined that I had suffered an aorta rupture. From that moment on the world passed me by and I couldn't understand it at all anymore. The days became long and lonely for me in the ICU. My blood pressure was still not under control (240 over 180) and I was beginning to lose some of my usual vitality.
It occurred to me that I could hear the nursing staff talking in their central station and that they had music playing in the background. A radio (which was not properly adjusted to a channel, 96.5 instead of 96.8) as if a loudspeaker was in my room by which I could hear them because the intercom was still on. And that went on the entire night. I became a bit annoyed because I was unable to sleep. Finally, at the moment I began to rest and relax and to sleep I heard another noise, of ringing bowls and that I was near a white curtain. Behind that curtain was warmth, peace, harmony, love, inviting me to come near. I saw silhouettes/shapes of people associating in loving warmth and harmony. What was most exceptional was that I was no longer feeling physical or spiritual pain and really wanted to go to the people on the other side of that curtain and be in that fine feeling. As far as I can remember I was near that curtain five times and the feeling was very nice but it was rudely disturbed by the intercom and the ringing bowls of the sisters which caused me to slide back into my body and the here and now. At a certain moment it became too much for me and I asked the sisters in a friendly but urgent way if they would please turn off the intercom! They looked at me as if they had heard thundering, 'we have no intercom and no music at all.' So I became irritated and said not to be so contrary and just turn that thing off so I could sleep again. I began to get a bit pissed off and thought I will ask the doctor who would straighten things out for me. Well, he looked at me in a wide-eyed way and supported what the sisters had said. I then decided I would just keep my mouth shut.
Homecoming and Surroundings
In the beginning I got a lot of attention from family and friends. But with the medication, the intercom and the noises I ended up in a deep dark hole, for a time going through life like a zombie. I couldn't think anymore, I couldn't feel anymore, live anymore, I became completely isolated from the outside world. My little world thus became whistle clean and it felt as if I didn't fit in anymore. Friends became strangers to me. My work wasn't my work anymore. It became quiet, very quiet. I had questions: Why has everyone changed? Why were people acting this way toward me? Why don't I have anyone over anymore? Why have I fallen out of society? Why don't I understand it? Every question raised ten new questions. For two and a half years I have sought answers, browsed the entire internet in every corner all without result. What is wrong with me? Going from a normal life to the ICU and that spiritual awakening. Until at last via the internet I came upon the website of Merkawah. And there, under the heading, 'The NDE explained extensively', was written about 85% of my experience. It was as if I'd come home! I wasn't crazy after all! It was my process, my transformation! Since then I've experienced a great inner peace after such a long search.
My life meanwhile has expanded on all fronts and now I help other people get back into spiritual balance. I am now in association with the Stichting Network NDE (formerly Merkawah) as treasurer, and to give more form to the term, 'NDE' and guide people through their experiences. And how does my life look after a year? Ask me that after another year, Seize the Day!
Date NDE Occurred: september 2012
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Middels een aortadissectie op de Intensive Care terecht gekomen. Life threatening event, but not clinical death,
I had an aortic rupture and went to the ICU. [An aortic rupture is an injury in which the inner wall of the aorta is damaged in such a way as to cause blood to accumulate between the walls. It causes sudden sharp pain and is life threatening as it can cause ischemia of other organs.]
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I was lying in intensive care in great pain, physically and spiritually. On those five occasions, I left my body and wanted to be near that curtain because it gave that fine, warm love feeling. It was during those times I would have not a single form of pain and this was very pleasant and inviting. Then I would hear rhythmic ringing leading me away from the curtain and slipping back into my painful body. The rhythmic noises were so loud that I would have to listen, and then it would lessen. In retrospect, I came to the conclusion that my guides and Holy guardian were making sure I returned to earth and wouldn't let me pass by the curtain.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal It was another variety of consciousness. I let it all simply overcome me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I had five NDEs that I can remember, during the time I was in in intensive care. On these five occasions, I had the urge to go past the curtain to the warmth, love and painlessness on the other side. But I was aware I would not be able to return after that.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Before the experience, I had much less clear vision. Now it is much sharper.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Before the experience, my hearing was less clear. Now it is much sharper.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I saw and was at the curtain/border several times. Behind this was light and I saw silhouettes.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was another world, a pleasantly acceptable but unfamiliar world.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Warm, loving, harmonious, non-duality, inner peace, painlessness.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe After I came home, a great spiritual growth took place quickly. This has resulted in my insight into cosmic laws and the working thereof.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events At a later time, I became more clearly aware of all that had happened during my experience. It is such that now, (three years later) the period before my experience feels like a former bodily life.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes This was the curtain.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths Ik heb en had geen enkel geloof
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Ik heb en had geen enkel geloof
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I only had the conviction of rational thinking, and what happened at the ICU captured this rationale due to feelings from the heart.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify By this, I mean the rhythmic ringing and noises.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain During the experience, I didn't get this, but after the experience, I did get all these insights. So during my time in the ICU, my consciousness power opened and all information became available online for me.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God does not exist
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The correction of all imbalances.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No On earth we live a complete cosmic imbalance, which will mean the end of humanity if we don't soon take drastic counter measures.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Death does not exist. The material body decomposes and the energetic body/soul goes back. Also, that death is just a change in frequency, to put it in earthly terms.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes That we need to take humanity from its own earthly flow and turn it back to the cosmic flow.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes On earth we live a complete cosmic imbalance, which will mean the end of humanity if we don't take drastic counter measures.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I lost 99.5% of the people with which I had ties. I have no more connection with them. But in their place, are coming steadily more people along my path who I fit in with, heart and soul.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I am not in a state to find the right words to describe the feelings, emotions, or experiences I had. It is beyond words.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Clairsentience, premonition, inner knowledge, healing, insight to the cosmic laws
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I'm thankful I had these NDEs, which were a turning point in my life. Thus, I now live from a nice pure life-spring.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I began, carefully, the outing of my experience and the mission I have yet to complete in this life.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Because my life turned around 100% after the experience: Other people around me now, other interests, not a single connection anymore with my life before the experience.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real My experiences are clear and sharp in my subconscious. These are clear to remember and not fading. It has become my truth and my conduct and life are re-integrating this. It feels especially good. This is for me a sign that it is a good occupation for me.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The rhythmic noises and ringing of the bowls has stayed with me and they guide me through the making of choices, among other things.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Not anything occurring to me, presently
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No suggestions at the present.