I was in the bathroom. As is often the case when I feel that an epileptic seizure begins, I smelled an odor like burned rubber. Then, I had the sensation that I would throw up. Then my thoughts and sensations went wrong, as I didn't see anymore with my eyes, and I didn't hear anymore with my ears and that I hardly could control my body. Lifting an arm came to be quite an achievement. I was alone in the house. But if anybody had seen me at this moment, I'm sure that this person would only have seen the white of my eyes, and the jerky and uncontrolled movements of my body. There also was background noise that gradually increased. The best description that I can give is that it was like the sound of the helicopter on the CD of Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon, at the end. The closer the sound came the more pain I had. I remember that I wanted to press my hands against my temples and wanted to scream as hard and stridently as I could, so intolerable was this. I don't know if I was doing this. I didn't see how I could tolerate this any longer.
All at once, everything stopped. No sound anymore. All was calm. A few seconds (well I suppose) passed and I suspected that things were not anymore as before the seizure. Some more seconds passed. And there I realized that I was INSIDE my head!! I saw things as of the interior of my head. My head was empty and I could see the exterior world like it was, without any change, but only through the two holes of my eyes! I saw the interior side of my cranium! As if I had a brown packing bag on my head, with two holes to see through.
It was strange, but unlike what I would have expected, I was not scared. I explored my new state. Several minutes went by doing this and nothing happened, until I started to go up. There I started to feel a little bit scared, as I felt that I had no control over what was happening. Immediately after moving, I wondered where I was going. For a short moment, I thought that I would be stopped by my cranium, but to my big surprise I went through it! I found myself back in the bathroom, still mounting. I could see everything, the washbasin, the walls, the floor, the door, the ceiling. My body was still sitting on the toilet since I sat down immediately when I felt that I was getting a seizure. Strangely, I didn't see any movement of my physical body. It was there, that's all! I continued to mount and then I started being afraid because I asked myself where and when this would stop. I had the dark feeling that if I crossed the ceiling, as I did with my cranium, I wouldn't be able to return to my body. In other words, it would be my physical death. It was frightening.
Contrary to all expectations, I stopped at the ceiling and floated up there, during an unknown period of time. I continued to look at the bathroom, wondering who or what was controlling me. Because I couldn't move by my own will even though I didn't feel any constraint. Then after an undetermined number of minutes, I started to go down again. I reintegrated into my body. Or should I say I went back into the interior of my cranium. I didn't stay long. Because immediately after, I found myself I don't know where, but it was a totally black space. I had no physical body. I tried to move, but contrary to the experience in the bathroom, I felt like being imprisoned in a yoke, preventing the slightest movement. It was like being fixed in a magnetic field having the strength of a magnetar! [Editor’s Note: One of the strongest magnets in the universe.] There was nothing I could do. I stayed there, alone, without anything happening during what seemed to me several minutes.
I felt the presence of a multitude of beings facing me. I couldn't see them but I guessed them to being small and agile. I saw numerous little light dots moving in front of me. I also clearly felt bad intentions, nothing but BAD intentions. These were Evil beings. I heard them whispering without understanding a single word, like in a horror movie. They seemed to be excited and moved around a lot, in the way excited sharks do when they are circling a prey. The prey was ME, except that I was not surrounded. Everything happened in front of me. All eyes turned on me. It was then that an event happened. I felt all beings stiffen, placing themselves swiftly. The voices showing a certain panic. You could say like soldiers reintegrating their place before their commander shows up and catches them. That was not good at all.
There was Total silence. I felt all those beings, well placed here and there in front of me. Then, all together, they started to call my first name, weakly at first and then ever harder. Maaaaaarc, MAAAARC, MAAAAARC, MAAAAARC: I detected a certain kind of sadism in their voices. I really did not feel at ease. Then I felt another presence, a terrifying one: Satan. The voices continued to mutter louder and louder. The excitement was growing. Then I started to move forward and there the excitement reached its height. The presence came gradually closer. I guessed him to be enormous, to be avoided absolutely. MAAAAARC...., MAAAAARC....No murmur anymore. I wanted to move, but impossible. I wanted to scream, howl my terror, but there too, it was impossible. Against my will, I advanced. Something should be done, BUT NO USE!! I guessed a certain line that was not to be crossed, a point of no return... MAAAAAAAARC...., MAAAAAAAAARC, MAAAAAAAAAARC... It was almost a scream. No! I don't want this! NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O! NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!
Then suddenly there was nothing. Full of panic, I was completely confused, didn't know what to think. It took me several minutes to realize that I was back in my body. Writing those last lines, today, on September 12, 2013, my body is totally tense, my breathing panting and my pulse elevated. My whole body is trembling imperceptibly. I feel a precision on my chest. It took me 5 years before I could talk to anyone. Since this experience, I wondered why this stopped so abruptly. More than once, it came to my mind that I might be damned. Then, one day in 2005, I realized that it was Jesus who saved me from eternal damnation at the last second. It can only be like that. Even if I didn't feel his presence.
Date NDE Occurred: 19 juillet 1982
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain 'Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening' Durant une crise d'épilepsie
Shortly after my seizure started, I found myself outside my body. Even seeing my body, I have no idea if I was suffocating or not: I was completely disconnected from my body. In the past, I once suffocated during a seizure: my tongue was blocking my throat, what prevented my breathing. I really thought I would die and then the seizure just ended at that moment.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the whole experience I didn't notice an improved level of consciousness and alertness.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I knew that I had no eyes, nevertheless, I could see. I didn't perceive anything more, before and during, the experience. I would even say that, before reading the question, the idea never hit me that my vision could be different. Which means if there had been any change of my vision, I would have noticed it. Unfortunately this simply was not the case.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same as for my vision, I didn't notice anything unusual. I must say that the only time where I was hearing something, during my experience, was the scary murmurs of my name being called by the evil creatures, shortly before the end of my experience. Before, and during the experience, I heard no sound: 1. I was alone in the house immediately before, during and after the experience; 2. Except the evil creatures at the end, I didn't hear anything and no one. Attention: In question #2, I'm mentioning sounds resembling an extract of the CD Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd. I do not consider this as DURING the experience. Besides, I happened to hear this extract of Pink Floyd more than once before an epileptic seizure. On the other hand, I had only one experience of being outside of my body.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm As I said, I found myself in a completely black space. I didn't see anything, but guessed, right or wrong, that it seemed to be a vast hall. I couldn't see any ceiling, no walls, and even no floor.
The experience included: Hellish imagery
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? At the beginning, when I was in the interior of my head I felt surprise mixed with curiosity. When I was under the ceiling, seeing my own body, I felt good even if I wasn't controlling what was happening. I also felt fear: what will happen if I cross the ceiling? Will I reintegrate into my body? Did I die? Finally, moving forward towards the evil creatures and their 'master', it was straight terror that I felt. It was the worst moment of my life. In terms of intensity, it will be unbeatable for the rest of my life.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain There were 2 moments where I felt a boundary that should not be crossed, at least I didn't want to cross those two limits, when my conscience was under the ceiling, I felt that if I crossed it, it would be a point of no return. The second moment was when I advanced towards Satan and his evil creatures. I clearly felt a certain line that was not to be crossed under no circumstances. It was another point of no return, with consequences that were immensely more serious than the first point of no return.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will The answer to this question is yes (I'm talking about the second point of no return of the question # 29). On the other hand, this was not a barrier that I was not permitted to cross. On the contrary! And it wasn't also a barrier of which I had been sent away against my will. Believe me, my ONLY wish at that moment was TO NOT CROSS THIS LIMIT!! But it was no decision to come back to life (and the term 'come back to life' raises concerns. I never had any awareness that my physical body was just dying. Even today, I cannot say if I just skipped death or not. I'm more sure to have escaped eternal damnation than death!) In fact I wanted to be anywhere else, than at the place where I was.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic À cette époque, j'étais plus ou moins pratiquant mais j'aimais penser que j'étais croyant. Je me cherchais moi-même, je cherchais aussi ma mission sur Terre. J'ai découvert beaucoup plus tard l'Église catholique ne me convenait pas parce que trop dogmatique. Ça me puait au nez. Mais ça, je ne le savais pas encore en 1982 même si je ressentais un certain malaise face à l'Église.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No My beliefs changed (evolved) but nothing changed specifically as a result of my experience. This said, my experience in 1982 is still present in my mind. This surely is influencing the evolution of my beliefs/religious practices.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Do not know Lorsque je dis que je ne sais pas, c'est parce que je me considère en cheminement. Je suis inconfortable à dire que j'appartiens à une religion, chrétienne ou autre. Par contre, je suis beaucoup plus confortable à dire que je suis chrétien sans religion en particulier parce que je crois en Jésus. Pas en l'Église, catholique ou autre. Ceci étant dit, mon cheminement me mène sur d'autres voies, telles que la physique quantique, et des auteurs comme Gregg Braden (La divine matrice) ou Lynne McTaggart qui me font réaliser que nous, les humains, les animaux, les plantes, les insectes et quoi encore, nous sommes tous reliés ensemble. NOUS SOMMES L'UNIVERS! J'essaie de tout synthétiser cela pour comprendre qui je suis et où je m'en vais mais c'est un long processus qui en vaut néanmoins la peine. Mais une chose est sûre: ce cheminement me rejoint dans chaque fibre de mon corps et de mon âme. Je me sens sur la bonne voie.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience J'ai été élevé (conditionné?) en apprenant à avoir peur d'aller en enfer si je ne me conduisais pas bien dans ma vie. La religion catholique a eue une place centrale dans ma vie, mais pas nécessairement de la bonne manière. Au moment de mon expérience, je vivais dans une peur quasi chronique que Dieu ne m'accueille pas dans son Royaume à ma mort.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I was raised (conditioned?) in learning, to fear going to hell, if I didn't behave well in life. The Catholic religion had a central place in my life, but not necessarily in a good way. At the moment of my experience, I was living in constant (chronic) fear, that God might not accept me in his Kingdom at my death.
I cannot say yes nor can I say no. I believe that this experience was a message for me. What for? I don't know yet, but I believe that I have to find out by my own means. I will continue searching.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The only beings that I met, are those evil creatures and their master. This master was Satan, which I clearly recognized at that moment.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain J'abonde dans le même sens qu'à la question # 32. Aucun savoir spécifique suggérant que Dieu existe. Mais ce que j'ai vécu me permet de conclure par ricochet à l'existence de Dieu avec une certitude de 100%.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I became aware that I am, above all, a spiritual being in a physical body. I try never to forget this and to always learn more by reading about this subject.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain La question est difficile à interpréter. Je n'ai reçu aucun savoir spécifique suggérant que l'existence persiste après la vie terrestre. Par contre, le fait que je sois sorti de mon corps et monté au plafond règle la question en autant que je suis conce
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain Comme les questions # 32 et 33, il n'y a aucun savoir spécifique concernant l'amour. Par contre, encore une fois, ce que j'ai vécu est tellement effrayant, que je ne peux absolument pas concevoir que l'amour n'existe pas.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I would say, if there was a change in my life, it was that I was more motivated than ever to search for God in my life. I have a funny impression, as if what happened in 1982, is linked to an event of my future that I have not yet discovered. Moderate changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Définitivement, cette expérience m'a marqué au fer rouge pour le reste de mes jours. Il n'y a pas un jour que je n'y pense pas. Ce qui fait que je me souviens plus précisément de l'expérience que d'autres événements de ma vie en 1982 revêt plusieurs formes: 1. l'intensité de la peur que j'ai eue lors de mon expérience. 2. cette expérience est devenue pour moi un point de référence en préparation à ma vie après ma mort. À mesure que je vis ma vie, que j'expérimente de nouvelles choses (par exemple la paternité, la vieillesse, l'amour, la lecture au sujet de la méditation et des EMI, etc.)je ressasse ces nouvelles 'données' en fonction de mon expérience de 1982 pour voir s'il y a lieu de réorienter ma vie juste un tout petit peu pour vivre le reste de mes jours en paix, sachant que je me rapproche de Dieu.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The fact to face Satan, moving towards him, forced me for a long time to question myself, if everything was lost in advance for me. Then, in 2005, I realized that if this experience had not been interrupted at that moment, I would have difficulties to put words on what would have happened. Why was the experience stopped there? And how? I have just one explanation: Jesus.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It took me 5 years before I started to relate this story. I was scared to be considered crazy. Since then I told it to approximately 5 persons and never got a negative reaction against myself. On the other hand, nobody ever came back to talk again about the subject. My conclusion is that they want to keep it for themselves as I cannot imagine that they would tell this to their acquaintances.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real If my experience had been a dream or a hallucination, my consciousness would have stayed in my body. I know that it is not scientific to say this, but of all dreams I ever had in my entire life, none implicates an OBE. Being outside of my body, my consciousness was not altered. I WAS really out of my body. I saw the bathroom as no different. When the experience stopped, I didn't have the impression of having had a dream, unlike a normal waking up and knowing IMMEDIATELY that I was dreaming. Considering the episode in front of Satan, what I heard was as real as if I heard it with my ears. I perceive a difference between what I hear through my ears and what I hear in dreams. What I heard was definitely NOT a dream.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real In the last 30 years I had the time to question myself in every detail about the reality of this experience. I'm convinced that all was real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I didn't get any special knowledge suggesting that existence is persisting after terrestrial life. On the other hand, the fact that I left my body and mounted to the ceiling settles the question as far as I'm concerned. And, paradoxically, the fact that I met Satan and its evil creatures, comforts me in the idea that a paradise is existing also. I now know that I'm an eternal immortal spiritual being, in a carnal mortal body. It's a bit as if I got a second chance. No special knowledge suggesting that God exists. What I experienced allows, on the rebound, the conclusion that God exists with a 100% certitude. What I experienced was so extremely frightening, that I absolutely cannot conceive that love does not exist. This experience definitely branded me with a red-hot iron for the rest of my life. There's no day passing without thinking about it. I have a much clearer memory of my experience, than of other events of my life in 1982 bears several forms: 1. The intensity of the fear that I had during the experience. 2. This experience has become a point of reference for me, in preparation of my life after death. As I live my life, experimenting new things (paternity, old age, love, readings about meditation and NDE's.) I'm rehearsing those new 'data' according to my experience of 1982, to see if I need to reorient my life just a little bit to live the rest of my life in peace, knowing that I'm coming closer to God.