I was at the hospital, but I did not know where, and I was in great pain, so great I felt I could not bear it anymore. I looked around me and it seemed like I was in a space ship of some kind - everything was stainless steel and white. I thought I'd been taken. (by Aliens, perhaps? But I realized this was only wishful on my part.) (I've always wanted to be taken by a Space Ship to visit another planet.)My feelings were about not wanting to die yet - I have so much I want to do yet.
I did not want to die, but I knew I could not bear the pain anymore. Then it seemed I was transported somewhere else - I don't remember any white lights or tunnels, nothing like that. But there was a great meadow of green grass and flowers, flowers in pink and purple and yellow. My mother was to the right near a bench, something like a park bench where one might sit to rest, and she was planting large plants beside the bench at the end of it. I think the flowers were orange tiger lilies. I tried to get her to look at me, but she would not. I called her and called her, and she paid no attention to me whatsoever. It was as if she could not see me or hear me. That made me feel so peaceful for some reason. So I moved on.
Over to my left, on a hill was my best friend Buddy, who killed himself a fews years ago. He was looking west, in the opposite direction of my mother. He appeared ot be smoking a pipe, but he never smoked, so I know he wasn't smoking. Then I realized it was not my friend Buddy there, but Alfred Hitchcock. He gave me a chiding look and walked away, away from where I was. I was so tired after this experience I fell asleep where I was, in a very soft, plushy bed of pillows. I thought I was still going to die and had to wait. I don't know what I was waiting for, but I had to wait. So I slept as I waited. I felt no pain and I felt a relief from my heart, as if I did not have to worry about everything afterall. When I woke up, it felt like I was being pulled from where I was in a whosh - I was alive still, in enormous pain, and 3 of my friends were there looking at me smiling! They were Guy, Sandy, and Emily.
Date NDE Occurred: December 17, 1999
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-relatedHeart attack Also had lung infection and pnemonia Life threatening event, but not clinical death I'm not sure to what extent. My heart attacks had damaged my heart more severly than my doctor realized and 60% is scar tissue - He said he was concerned that I might not be able to make a recovery because of this with the lung infection.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
Did you feel separated from your body? No
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I did not feel in control of myself. That's not very comfortable. But my pain had stopped and I was grateful for that.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Both space and time were different- suspended like...
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Some birds were singing in the distance I think. No other noise.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain don't think so
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Yes - see above. Saw my Mother and my friend Buddy. But no other people. Though I did hear murmurings in the background.
The experience included: Void
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain No bright lights - it was afternoon - afternoon light.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The meadow. It was beautiful and safe.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? First pain. Then my pain stopped and I felt very tired. Sleepy. Then I was comfortable, on a cushy seat or something.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No Only I thought that God could hear me when I was asking to stay alive more years.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I remember fleetingly that I wished I had seen my sons before my surgery.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No It was as the future did not exist anymore.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes Yes, but I can't explain this well. I was not allowed into the meadow. I was on the outside, even though there wasn't a visible gate.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No All of a sudden I totally blacked out. I was blacked out completely for a while.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate I do not attend church.
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist Lutheran
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Yes, I let my grief go. It was such a relief. I felt so good !!! I also quit smoking during this time - did not feel any craving whatsoever for a cigarette.
Made me believe in God more.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There's something about it that happened that I still do not remember. I think I kept asking to talk to God and tell him I did not want to die yet. I kept asking someone to please tell him that. But I could not see anyone else, not near me - only my Mother and Buddy, and they would not look at me.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No Yes, I felt an enormous weight lifted off me, that it is not my fault that Mom and Buddy or dead, that I did not cause their deaths, and could not have prevented either one of them from dying. I knew in a deep way that if I did not quit blaming myself for their deaths - and grieving for them - that I would die. I wasn't strong enough to endure the pain of my grief.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part is that I am so grateful to be alive every single day. The worst part? I don't think there is one. Of course, I wish I had not had heart attacks and heart surgery - I hate that. But it happened - I'm very glad I was able to quit smoking - as I had been praying and praying and praying for God to help me quit smoking. This has become crippling socially in my life...
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my sister. Think I've told my husband some of it - told my children some of it. No one really wants to know - no one wants to hear me talk about death. It upsets them.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No Surprising, I take very little medicine. I do have to take Nitro sometimes, when my heart hurts. That's when I overdo things, try to do too much work.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I think there is a place somewhere that we go if we die - or maybe more than one place. I don't think what I saw was Heaven. But it was not on earth either, not as I know it.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Right now, can't think of a thing! Good luck in your work. I don't know what state of consciousness I was in during this - I did feel separated from my body. I got a glimpse of my body sleeping, but I didn't care to look - I wanted to talk to God about not dying. Strange, eh!