I was age 20 at the time. I went out with friends to a bar. I wasn't drinking any alcohol. I didn't have my driving license. I was going out with a girl who was drinking a lot. When she drinks, she becomes aggressive. A friend of ours got a phone call from his little handicapped brother who had been invited, for the first time, out for an evening. Over there, things went badly for the brother because people were making fun of him. So my friend, girlfriend and I went to go get him.
My girlfriend was very aggressive in the car. She said that she wanted to kill those people who made fun of him. So I asked her several times to let me out of the car. The music was loud. She either didn't hear me or she was blocked. I don't know. I opened the front passenger door of the car; put my right foot on rim of the door, and my blue sandal slipped. My sandal was blue. I was wearing a long white skirt.
I found myself unconscious on the road; on the other hand, I could see from higher above, where my body was lying on the street. I could see my exact position like it was full daylight, yet it was nighttime. I didn't see the car. I saw a happy childhood memory where I was on a scooter with my sister in the courtyard at my parent's house. After that, I saw the white light. Then I saw blackness and felt pain. I hurt at the level of my left ankle, where the asphalt had seriously scraped my skin. My girlfriend dropped me alone at the emergency services. I wasn't afflicted with anything, except hitting my malleolus at the left ankle; no head trauma at all; nothing else.
Later on in 2005, I got into my car. I didn't feel good mentally and was tired of seeing my 8-year-old son in front of his computer. Our lack of communication was hurting me and I was unlucky in love. I drove to my former girlfriend's house. I found she had gone to Ireland without telling how to contact her.
On the way, I was overcome with a suicidal impulse. I was on a less frequented road and thought that if I would kill myself nobody would care. I watched the road and aimed at an oak tree. As I accelerated, I closed my eyes, and then blinked to see if I was still going to hit the tree.
I found myself unconscious at the steering wheel of my car; but in the meantime, I had some flashes of the past and of future events. I also saw the deceased mother of my present partner who was on a bicycle. I had never seen her before, not even in a photo. I saw my son waiting for me and bent towards the kitchen window. He was not in front of his computer and this was exactly what was happening when I got home three hours later.
Date NDE Occurred: 1989 and 2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Suicide attempt. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
The first NDE, I fell from a car going 100 km/hour. After stupidly asking the driver to let me out of the car, I opened the door put my foot at the edge of the door rim, and my sandal slipped. I found myself on the ground. The second time, I tried suicide by hitting an oak tree at 100 km/hour. I succeeded and the car was really in bad shape.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. I think that in order for certain things evolve, they must be accepted.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? After I refused to go to the light, I never saw anybody at the end of the tunnel. That's why I refused to go to the light, despite however soft it was.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual.
There was no notion of time or space in the sense we know it on earth. Everything is relative.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw little difference at the ophtalmological level except that in an unconscious state I could see behind me.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was listening more than before.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain. I passed from the light into blackness before getting back to a conscious state. I don't know if this would be described as a tunnel.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes. On the day I committed suicide, I clearly saw the mother of my present partner. She was on a bicycle close to my home. I only passed her and she said hello and asked me with her eyes to take care of her son.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Abundance
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. We need each other. To have a social life is important.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. I saw myself at the age of 4-1/2 on my mothers lap, on the front seat of a car. My father was driving and we were stopped for identity control. Not long ago, I checked with my mother if this actually happened. My mother confirmed it to me.
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future. When trying to suicide, I saw my son waiting for me at the kitchen window while I was unconscious. When I arrived, he said to me that he was waiting a long time for me at the window.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. There was nobody at the end of the tunnel. I saw a beautiful light but nobody was there. It was like a void in the light or in blackness. I don't see any difference, the void remains a void.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Not important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. At the age of 20, I never imagined to see myself from above my body. Before I tried suicide, I never thought that I could foresee my future or see a part of the past from a deceased person who, at the time, never had a connection with me.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God does not exist
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife does not exist No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Unknown
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes. Medicine has it's limits.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Compassion is sometimes down the road.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I tell myself that science is limited, and somehow that's all the better.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes, I had been reading a book about NDEs when I was an adolescent.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definately not real. If I was thinking that lucid dreams were real, this experience would be stupid and I couldn't assume daily life.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I can't explain it and this has some charm.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I don't understand the question.