In March 1987, I didn't feel well. My condition deteriorates, I'm hospitalized. I sink into coma. Two weeks elapse and the night when I went out of coma, just before, I see myself above my body. I am overcome by a feeling of fullness. It has such an intensity that I can't manage to describe it. I see myself in the bed, there is a being dressed in white on my right, and he is moving the air with his robe because my body is hot. As for myself above, I don't feel anything. I also see around my bed people who came to see me during those two weeks. I hear what they tell me, I can accurately tell what they wore and where they were around my bed. These are facts I could check with them afterwards. I see all this in a state of peace and serenity. All of a sudden, I realize that I don't see both my daughters. In a split second, I feel myself go back to my body. It is much too small for me. I'm twenty-one and it's as if I were putting kid nightclothes on. It is painful. I wake up from coma and I realize that I am in a place I don't know. Paralyzed, I can't move and barely speak. My sight is blurred. It is hard to come back to this life. I slowly recover and at the end of May I leave the hospital walking. Physically I recovered, but psychologically that's another story.
The experience has been informative for me:
- If I'm here, that's because I have a mission to complete, as any of us has.
- I had to have another child born.
- Work at body level (physiotherapist) for twelve years, so that today, in 2006, I am applying for a job, to work with people grappling with death.
- I do not fear death anymore.
- I know I have a soul.
- I still look for this intensity; I feel it with people at end of life.
- I feel lonely and always will be. I consulted therapists for years and I still do. It's as if I had a foot here and the other one there.
- I am not able to integrate it in daily life. I'm on the way but I do believe that I will never make it totally.
Thanks for reading me, Louise.
Date NDE Occurred: mars 1987
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Coma 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' . A deep coma, a paralysis. Virus causing encephalitis, meningitis and myelitis.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Total fullness. No human thought. The real peace.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just before thinking of my children.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning In that state, time has no importance. But I saw all of them at once, whereas they came at different times.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? A clarity that goes beyond what one sees.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I heard everything with great clarity.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes A being dressed in white was to my right in my bed.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain It's as if I had been in the light. I did not see it. I inhabited it. The presence was white, like the light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? That was very intense. I still look for this intensity. It is not human. It is Divine.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Those that occurred during my coma.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist Catholique pratiquante
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I don't believe in God, I know God exists. I don't believe that I have a soul, I know it.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I don't believe in God, I know God exists. I don't believe that I have a soul, I know it.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Now I know that I have a soul. That we are all here to learn to love and be loved. Hard to find this intensity again.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My values, my priorities. I had to change my relations.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The intensity, the feelings, the emotions, this is nothing human.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have a lot of intuition. I feel things to come; sometime it's hard to experience this. I remotely feel people.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Mainly the state you are in then. Also to see yourself outside of your body. Presence of that being on my right.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I believe I shared a few months afterwards. Well received but I did not feel I was understood. I believe that what I am influences them, but I would like to make them feel my experience so that it is clear for them. I feel close to that state when I am with people at end of life.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I know that it is real but I don't think I can manage to make others understand that. It is painful for me not to be able to express this experience as I lived it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Even nineteen years after, I consider this is not so positive a gift. There is a reality in that experience that is not human, but we are human. You feel an intensity that you will look for all you life. How to be able to integrate it in daily life?
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? How to be able to integrate it properly. I'm still searching.