The evening of my NDE, I quite literally crawled to bed. I was so sick and in so much pain that I couldn't lift my own head without great effort. I remember crawling into bed and curling up into the fetal position and sobbing and rocking from the pain, I moaned, 'Why me God? When is this going to be over, how much more can one person take?' Quite a normal litany under the circumstances.
Suddenly the tears stopped, the pain stopped, the confusion stopped. I became clearer headed in that moment than I had ever previously experienced. I KNEW what I had to do. I had to ask for it to be over. Simple. Or so I thought. I now know that nothing is SIMPLE.
I rolled onto my back, closed my eyes, and prayed for it to be over. 'Please God, let me come home.' I began to experience a small amount of fear or separation anxiety, so I immediately began the relaxation exercises I had been taught to help with the pain and anxiety I had experienced for many years.
Just as I felt myself relax, about to enter the alpha state, I felt a heat and a light move up my body. When it got to the top of my head, I felt a great pressure and the feeling of a void, no sound, no light, like being stuck in a vacuum. Suddenly there was a noise like the passing of a speeding train, a whoosh sound and I was moving it seemed upward through a dark colored tunnel filled with lights like stars around it.
With a flash of the most intense white light, I found myself standing before the Source. I hesitate to explain my experience at this point, as it seems to me that that part of an NDE is very individual and personal. I will suffice to say that the Source was a geodesic orb, which emanated all I sensed, felt, etc. and that there were other entities present. I was told to turn and look at what I was leaving and where I was going, in order to make a good decision. In other words, is this what I really wanted, or did I just want the pain to end?
As I turned, I saw the Earth in the distance. My experience lasted six hours in our time, and as such it is impossible to accurately describe everything I experienced. I will say that I saw my future, my past, and was allowed to make my decision from my now, as well as being given an important life message.
My reentry into my body was very painful and I immediately felt that something was very wrong, like I got back in the wrong body or something. I got up slowly from the bed, looked in the mirror, and got scared. I didn't recognize myself immediately. Many others didn't recognize me after the experience, as I underwent some intense physical changes in that short time. During the experience alone I lost two inches in height and twelve pounds as well as more cosmetic changes, hair, complexion etc.
Date NDE Occurred: January 9, 2000
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness illness considered life threateningWithin the previous six months I had received eight diagnosis from eight different specialists, most of them auto-immune in nature.
At that time, my physician prescribed marijuana and told me to look elsewhere for my answers, as 'they' could not even begin to explain why I was still alive, much rather how to 'cure' me.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Light and energy.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Conscious state to alpha state.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Noises upon leaving the body, whooshing sound only intense.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Suicide is not an option! There are many ways to commit suicide, all with negative consequences, spiritually, physically, mentally. We naturally choose suicide in some form here, the ideal passage will teach us to live and appreciate life. Really important to survive our suicidal human tendencies through to our natural end of physical life. We are here to learn how to survive ourselves, literally.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will Resignation and hope.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Christian
What is your religion now? Liberal Spirituality
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Complete change of belief system.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes We currently have no words in our experience to adequately describe a 'FEELING' or 'KNOWING'. The feeling that is the most difficult to describe is the pulse of light and feelings of acceptance and drawing that emanated from the 'SOURCE'.
I have heard this referred to as 'unconditional love' but that only takes into account one of the 'feelings' emanating from the Source.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It is usually when others share with me therefore we both experience affirmation of our experiences and I have found this to be a useful tool in healing.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Wondering if anyone else has experienced extreme physiological changes after their experience.
I continue to increase and decrease my height rapidly, and although it is medically documented, there is no medical explanation for these changes. Sometimes the experience is painful and I can increase or decrease by as much as three and a half inches at a time.