Experience Description

I was at the time an addict, heroin to be specific. I had gotten a prescription from my family doctor for some pills to help with my withdrawal, I was trying to quit, and I had two little boys and knew that I had to stop. The biggest problem was their dad was an addict also and he could not quit and I knew I would someday have to choose between him and my sons. Well, to get back to the NDE, I guess at some point I took too many of the pills and blacked out, my boyfriend carried me into the emergency room of the local hospital. He said that a dear friend of mine who was a Christian recognized me and said she would pray for me. The doctors told him I was critical and might not pull through. I was transferred to Los Angeles County Hospital because I had no insurance and that is where I returned to my body.

In my NDE state, I was in a void that was total blackness. My mind was working perfectly. I remember thinking that if this was death it really sucked, because I was totally alone, in silence. I tried to listen for my heartbeat, but heard nothing, tried to hear myself breathe, but heard nothing. I realized that I was not standing or sitting. I was suspended. I felt no fear. There was no need to breathe. It was just so empty, just total nothing.

At some point, I felt a hand in the middle of my back and it seemed to push me forward toward a tiny pinhole of a light. Suddenly, I was being moved at a faster and faster speed towards the light and the closer I got to it the bigger it got. I could hear many voices, like a muffled crowd of people speaking, but could not make out what they were saying. Then in a blink of an eye, I opened my eyes and realized I was in a hospital bed.

Once before this I had, had an out of body experience. It was in 1974 when I gave birth to my second son. He tore me up on his way out and I had bled too much before they discovered it. They had to sew me up with no anesthetic. The nurses were holding me down but the pain was more than I could bear and somehow my soul left my body and I was up in the corner of the room watching what they were doing to me.

I never forgot either of these experiences, although I never really discussed them until maybe ten years ago. Before that, I thought I was different from other people and they would think I was crazy. I have no real fear of death, other than the fact that I hope I don't go back to that void, that scares me. I have kind of figured that the void was some sort of purgatory, a place I could end up in if I had kept doing drugs or overdosed again. I have a sense of needing to do many things, I really cram a lot into a day, to the point of my son saying he cannot keep up with me. In all, the NDE, even though it was not flowers and birds, was a good thing.

When my mom was growing older, she asked me about it a lot. It was a comfort to her and to me to be able to be so open about death and the possibility of something else. I believe that there are a great many things we are capable of doing, I believe that we can leave our bodies; I wish that I knew how to control it. I wish that I knew why some of us have these experiences and some do not.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1977

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes drug overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Drug overdose.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was very aware of where I was and what was going on, or in my case not going on. I knew I was dead, I knew I was not breathing but didn't need too, I knew I was totally alone, and I felt the hand on my back push me forward. I think in everyday life, one becomes complacent and just doesn't pay attention and that was the difference.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Actually I was angry, angry with myself I think for being in that void, I had a sense that it was my fault that I was there. I also was really hoping that that was not all there was to being dead; I think that was answered when I was pushed back into the light, even if I felt totally alone, I was not.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe in many things, God, Wicca, goddess, I try to learn from all things. I believe that in some way they are all one. Nature is very big with me; she is the mother of all life.

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe in many things, God, Wicca, goddess, I try to learn from all things. I believe that in some way they are all one. Nature is very big with me; she is the mother of all life.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I guess you could say I believe in other planes of consciousness. I think that the dead stay with us to some extent, and if we just open ourselves to them, we will know that they are near. I think people look for big things, like ghosts or something, when it is the little things that communicate their presence to us.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes At the time it was hard to communicate, I kept it to myself for a very long time. Back in 1977 it was not something you discussed; they would have thought I was crazy.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Actually, the NDE came three years after an out of body experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Being in a void sucks! Probably not a good idea to commit suicide or die by overdose of drugs. I have always wondered who pushed me back to this side.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Many years, ten or more, some thought I was full of crap, but most were interested and wanted to know more. It was of great comfort for my mother in her last years of life and for me to be able to give her that.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I knew it was real, in fact that was one of the first things I asked myself when I was in the void, I am dead and this is real. There was no doubt in my mind at all.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It has never changed, I knew it then and I know it now.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No That's funny, I took LSD, peyote, you name it, none of those ever gave me the experience that I had. Not even close.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I would like to have more answers, I have so many questions.