I took an overdose of prescription pills in an attempt at suicide. I was a drug addict and my mother was being buried that day. I had been arrested and charged with felony drugs crimes and had lost custody of all three of my children. I spiraled into a deep depression and tried to kill myself.
I can remember the light and I heard voices but a baby crying drowned out the voices - I think the baby was my cousin's son who had died.
Shortly after this happened, I had a dream that my mom was holding that baby and showing him to me. The only thing that saved my life was a police officer I had known since childhood. I can remember him calling me back telling me I couldn't do this to my family. I turned away from the light and then all I remember is everything going black.
I woke up in intensive care unit two weeks later. I had to be intubated and resuscitated at the scene. They told me there was no reason I should have lived. I called the police officer crying and thanked him for saving my life.
Date NDE Occurred: may 26 2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) drug overdose intentional suicide attempt
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I heard the police officer's voice telling me I couldn't do this to my family and that my brother had already killed himself, I don't remember anything after that.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The light was bright very bright and felt warm it looked like a tunnel and things echoed.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. See above.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I saw the tunnel heard the voices and a baby crying I don't think I went into the tunnel because the police officer called me back.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I heard them, but they were in the tunnel and I couldn't see them or reach them.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was very bright and felt warm and loving there was no judgment in it I mostly remember how bright it was it should have blinded me but it didn't.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, sadness, hope, love, fear, OMG so many different things it is difficult to explain.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes When I came around I knew I shouldn't be alive I knew there was something bigger than me and that there were people there waiting for me. I knew it wasn't my time and that everything they say about suicide being an unforgiveable sin isn't true. I felt no judgment in that light. I think it would have let me in if I hadn't truly wanted to come back I don't know.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I appreciate the people that love me I view the world more positively. I don't always look for tarnish and I face my responsibilities now. I realize that whatever is out there wants me to live and achieve. I know I have a purpose in life.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The hardest thing was people not believing me. I had witnessed my mom in a near death experience and we had talked about it. But I heard voices and a baby crying so I think the baby was my cousin's dead son, he had died right around the same time.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I have dreams now that often come true I get eerie senses when exposed to negative or bad people I can see things that are going to happen and then they do.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The baby crying I feel in my heart that was my cousin's baby.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Shared some with a friend and his reaction was curiosity and amazement I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want people to think I'm crazy.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I mean I had heard of it and witnessed my mom have one she told me all about hers. She saw her dad a light felt like she was seven years old and was going to reach for her dad he died when she was seven. She said she heard me calling her back and repeated what I had said. She also saw my son Kyle's face and said at that point she reverted back to being her adult age and turned away from her dad.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew it wasn't my time and that I still had things to do and things to answer for. I wanted to be a better person, I stopped using drugs.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I know it was real because about two years later I made another attempt at suicide and had another experience that was completely different and the light was disappointed in me, can a light be disappointed?
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes A second near death experience due to a suicide attempt.