Experience Description

In June 2005 I had a normal day - went to work, got sicker as the day proceeded. By 1:00 pm, I was near total bowel strangulation. I called my husband to tell him what I thought and then called 911. The paramedics didn't think I had long to make it. Emergency surgery revealed the strangulation and large and small bowel resection was performed. The weird part to me is that intuitively I knew I was dying. I had a good hunch that I had little time left for a few weeks before this incident even occurred. I had thoughts of suicide and was depressed. For the year prior to this, I had some personal situations to deal with and found no hope for progress and bound by fears, hurts, abuses and oppressions in my life.

The emergency surgery did not work. I began to fill with infection and gangrene of my internals began. I needed another even more critical emergency surgery. More bowel removal, large and small, I needed an ileostomy/colostomy to survive.

During that surgery, somewhere very deep I was given a choice between life and death by a messenger, Jesus, God, the powers. It was wind falling up and being sucked down like a tornado, tight air, lightness, smallness, and then peace. The darkest darkness that could ever be blackness. I'm so tiny - the light is tiny - then larger, wiggly, blossoming into fullness, ghostly moving, energy, possibly a face, blue white-clear-smoky like rays of sun that don't burn. All knowingness. I know I want to die. It hurts to be gutted. The messenger knows I want to die. He/it calls it and asks me 'if I want to die', but not with words. It starts as words but it becomes intense thought into my thoughts but wind, screeching, birds? Energy, cool collective to the point. I don't know how to explain it.

He already knows I don't want to die; I'm just too infected by society to forgive and heal myself in my thinking at times because of some hard experiences. He mentions my daughter and I feel a twinge like an intense tickle that you can taste. I want to live for her.

He said that I'm not telling enough people about HIM. He said he is life and life more abundant; and that he was going to send me back with the breath of life and he breathed and the wind started and I knew that it would hurt back in my body and I regretted not choosing to stay in that peace but was intense on returning to my daughter to raise her. I didn't like the options I was presented with about who would raise her. I saw a blink of images of futures for her paths and I felt her emotions about it in the future.

He told me that regardless of my decision that I was going to heaven. Now or later. He/Jesus/God/the angel - knew my thoughts. I did not know his. But I had a sense of knowing 'things'.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: June 2005

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' Bowel strangulation requiring two surgeries. The second surgery was when something happened.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal At the most peaceful moment.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the most peaceful moment.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Tight air-pressure-power.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Depth perception degree of solidness/transparency - yes. Smallness / largeness.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Stranger sounds I've never heard and I can't describe.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It had no touch - I wanted to touch it - could not. I landed in it, like a falling up feeling.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The light was it. It knew me.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Like wind you can see as a light - small and becomes larger.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? A bit of fright - then a 'landing', calming.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future My daughter's future without me. She still needs me.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I knew if I chose to die I would go to heaven or the other realm known as heaven.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Christian/Believer

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe more.

What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist same

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe more.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Knowing a mother needs to be there for her daughter, sacrifices, pain, heaven is real - we go somewhere and one/he/Jesus/God/it/power/ knows what we are doing here.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I care more.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Can't describe the messenger as a visual as much as an intensity. Although it was visual.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Certain people had blue or white glows/auras around their heads and shoulders. I had/have moments of knowledge into people's thoughts, emotions. Know they are calling/or thinking in my direction. Healing prayer. Saw/heard apparitions? Intuitive thinking.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? If I killed myself I wouldn't go to heaven. No one will.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A little while, weeks. I didn't think they would believe me. I didn't tell anyone because I believe that I was in shock from it for a bit also. They don't believe me. I don't tell people much.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No Nothing I looked into.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I thought it could be the pain, or morphine.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I still think of it every day. It was too intense.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I hope I help someone.