Leonard R NDE

Experience Description

My NDE happened when I was a child, although I didn't remember it until after my brother died. I do not think that is mere coincidence. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. I wondered what my brother went through. So I simply typed in what happens when we die on Google, not knowing what to expect. I watched videos, which popped up of these things, called 'Near Death Experiences'. I then started looking at one of a guy named Ian from New Zealand. I really was watching passively to be honest, but then I focused on him seriously, long enough to take notice of his expressions. It was then I realized 'this guy's not telling a story HE'S RELIVING IT'. His expressions were real. I became borderline obsessed by these videos, trying to see what my brother might have experienced. I figured if anyone would know that it would be people that had caught a glimpse. I then noticed another video that Ian had made; only this time he made a video in which you could see what he was talking about, like a mini-movie. At that point, I had already watched this same video a few times, but this time something clicked. Ian was showing something he saw in the darkness, when I thought 'I remember that'. Then, realizing what I had said, I exclaimed, 'What do I mean, 'I remember that!'?!!!!!!'. I stepped away from the CPU and went outside to have a smoke.

I recalled that when I was three years old I had been hit by a car whilst following my uncle across the street (unbeknownst to him). The memories came back to me and hit me like a ton of bricks - 'That was death!' I couldn't believe it, and to tell you the truth it's still hard to. After being struck, I found myself looking up at the bumper of the car, and I seemed to be paralyzed. I couldn't even blink, much less move. All of a sudden, I heard an audible voice say 'LET GO'. I instantly felt what can only be described as a tingle (a pulsating, vibrational type of feeling) and then immediately found myself standing up. A figure, or person, was across the street, summoning me to come to her. I say 'her' because I felt as comfortable with this person as I would my own mother. I remember being a little scared or apprehensive about crossing the street to get to her. I was afraid of being struck again. The person assured me (not verbally, but like mentally) that I would be OK. I just thought 'OK, I'll just go over there'. This is where what I now know to be a life review started. I saw a picture of myself, but at least a few years older. Then another picture and then another until eventually I had images or videos passing by me so fast that it felt uncomfortable. It's almost as if I was downloading the images or videos as I watched them. I guess my discomfort was noticed because things slowed down dramatically, and then a sudden pause or stop. I was now looking at a picture of a young man. As I looked at this picture, I was struck by the realization that I was looking at my son. I couldn't believe this was my son. Here I was, three years old, looking at a picture of my son. Eventually things kept going but at a much slower pace. By name, I saw so many unfamiliar people and places. After it stopped completely I found myself stepping into a dark cave, or room. I distinctly remember feeling that I shouldn't be there, as a child who had walked in on his parents may feel.

The darkness scared me. There was something in it with EYES looking at me (this is the part of my experience that reminded me of Ian's video representation). All of a sudden I felt a soft breeze, and with that breeze came an UNBELIEVABLE PEACE!! No longer was I afraid of the darkness, in fact it was like I no longer even knew what fear was. I then found myself back facing the accident scene. The person that had called me over accompanied me. It was like I was holding hands with this person while I looked at my body on the ground. The man whose car had hit me was kneeling over me, frantic and scared, but I was thinking 'Why are they worried about THAT? I'm OK!' It really bothered me that he was worried about that thing on the ground. I clearly remember thinking 'They don't know anything about where I am and have no idea it even exists'. Now, at this time, I was just three years old, yet some of the things I was thinking would have come from a much older mind. You would think that being so young I would be aware of only what I observed happening. I might have been wondering about it, but I wouldn't have been able to think about it the way I was, to deduce what might be happening, or analyze any of it, yet I seemed to have the intellect of at least a ten to fifteen year old.

I don't know how time differs between this realm and that realm but it seems I was there for a LONG time, even though it might have only been between 1 and 10 minutes. I do remember going to another dark place, after getting bored or frustrated with the people and their emotions about 'that thing' (my body) on the ground. It was as if I was there to simply think. I knew there were others around me - I could feel them but I couldn't see them. I remember hearing the words 'go to the light', which seemed to frustrate me. They were getting on my nerves with it and I would have to say I was deliberately trying to ignore them. At some point, my mindset changed. I then felt myself moving or floating up, and then talking to a person. 'Perfect' is the only way to describe him. I cannot describe him totally because I could only see from his neck up, but I can describe his face. He was perfect in appearance but what struck me the most was his eyes. His eyes were beautiful. The word 'beautiful' doesn't quite do them justice so I'll attempt to describe them for you. Picture microscopic rays of sunlight, but instead of the rays being white or yellow they are all the colors of the rainbow. Those eyes were not only the most spectacular I have ever beheld, but I found them almost hypnotizing. As we spoke telepathically, I found it hard to look anywhere else. I can't remember all of the conversation, other than I was told that I wouldn't be able to remember it all. Actually, I was told I wouldn't remember the experience as a whole, which I found quite disturbing. Right before being sent back to my body I was asked by him why I wanted to return? My original answer was that I wanted to help my mother raise my little brothers, which is amazing in itself considering the fact that at the time my mother only had one of my three brothers and I. He started snickering and asked me the real reason I wanted to return. My answer this time was I wanted to leave the world a better place. To think, I possibly lied to or tried to mislead Jesus or our Higher Self, knowing those eyes were not only looking at me but seemingly right through me and into the depths of my soul. Yes, I do believe it was Jesus or our Higher Self as I have come to understand. I know that when I started asking about my mother, I found myself rapidly being sent back to my body. All I was thinking was 'NO, NO, NO!', but to no avail, until I was about five inches over my body, face to face, then instantly looking up at the bumper again. I do remember coming back to my body. It felt like I was being placed inside some kind of form made of heavy clay, or into something hard but hollow (if that makes ANY sense at all, but it is the only way I can describe it.) The next thing I knew, my mother was picking me up. She placed me on her left shoulder. I do know I wasn't crying, in fact that's the only part I could remember over the years. Whenever there was a conversation about the accident, I knew I hadn't been crying, but I couldn't remember the reason why.

I only started crying when my mother had me in her arms, frantically checking me out, and SHE was crying - that SCARED me. And the peace that had come back with me (which was the reason I had felt no need to cry) went completely away. I distinctly remember thinking 'Maybe something just happened to me. What was it?', and that's when I started crying. I do know it felt like the whole thing took a lot longer than just a few minutes. In fact, if I had to equate it to an understandable time scale, I would have to say that every minute here is like a year there. One more thing, at some point during my experience (I believe towards the beginning, but correct time line is kind of hazy) I was shown images and people that were foreign to me and one particular picture that everything seemed to pause on, I was shocked, looking at this picture because I understood him to be my son. Most people have a life review after they have lived their life, but in my case, I was looking at a life I hadn't yet lived. I was shown the complete life I would possibly lead. I say possibly because we all apparently have free will, making not only mine but everybody's future fluid and flexible. Yes, that would also include my brother's untimely demise. With that in mind, when my mother returned home with me for the first time and she put me on the floor to play my little brother I remember doing a double take, being puzzled but yet so happy to see him. To me it was like 'hey, I have already grieved for you but how am I looking at you now?' Anyway, I wouldn't remember any of this for 38 years. I do suspect I had remembered it for at least the first few years of my life, but it got pushed further and further back as the years passed until it was all but forgotten completely - that is, until my brother died. To me that's no coincidence, because I don't think I could have got over his death without that memory coming back. Well, I haven't gotten over it but I can cope with it a lot better. I went from being unbearably sad to being envious of him. WOW! Now I wish I could have remembered BEFORE he died. I truly believe I could have comforted him about death, because he was understandably scared. However, I'm sure he found out.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: June 1972

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident struck by a car Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I was hit by a car.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Some things, for example the person who greeted me seemed kind of hazy (for lack of a better word.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Only heard audibly, one thing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes One for sure, and vaguely about 10 others - memories of which were too little to mention, partly because not long after I asked the question and was sent.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The only time I think I saw a light was back with my body when I heard the words 'LET GO'.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm dark cave or tunnel , and vaguely another place

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? A bit of fear in the beginning, none after the breeze.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I was so young, I might have missed mine - it would have gone by so quickly, but I would have to say maybe.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal I didn't have one to young

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal Christian

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I felt older than my age.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? No Although some was, most of it shouldn't have been.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I referred to my body as 'that'.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A few.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Although only after my brother died.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Since we last spoke, I had quite an experience at a hospital. I had been having excruciatingly bad headaches, and my mother convinced me to go to the hospital. I was given a CT scan. Whilst waiting for the results I took a snooze. The nurse who had asked me the preliminary questions walked in with some pep in her step, woke me up, and told me to put on a hospital gown. She told me they had found blood, I was going to be taken upstairs, prepped for surgery, and the doctor would be in to talk to me in a second. While she was speaking, another nurse walked in and put something on my bed. I thought I knew what it was, but I asked anyway. She told me it was a defibrillator. The doctor came in and told me that I had an aneurysm. As he was leaving, he said 'good luck' (like Doctor Gregory House, of the TV show 'House' might have) and looked at me like I was a dead man. After he left, I looked at my mother and could tell she was holding back tears. I'm sure she was thinking 'Not again', after losing my younger brother in August. For a second I was a little happy, thinking I could be going back to that peaceful place I had gone to during my NDE, but I thought about my children and knew I wasn't ready to go yet. I asked my mother what she really thought about my NDE and, being brutally honest, she told me she thought I made up this fantasy world because I couldn't deal with my brother's passing (which is the exact opposite of what my NDE did for me - it in fact comforted me). I told my mother there was something I had to do here and until I had done it, I would not be leaving. Other than my children, I hadn't done anything significant enough yet. I told her that I would walk out of the hospital with nothing wrong with me. I was 98% certain of this, and that certainty came from thinking about the experience as a whole. [I figured that during my NDE as a child, as I was being sent back to my body, I protested because although I wanted to come back to leave the world a better place I still didn't want to leave that peaceful place. If I didn't 100% want to come back in the first place (that was like 70/30 with the 70% wanting to stay there) then why would I be taken when I didn't want to leave?] The 2% uncertainty scared me, as I didn't want to leave my family.

Whilst waiting in the ICU for the results of the second CT scan and other pre-surgery test I prayed because I didn't want to leave my children, who were so young. I knew a by product of the answered prayer would be my mother being shown how real my experience was, by having all my medical problems disappear. After that prayer, everything did go away. Every test was negative - EVERY ONE! The doctors were dumbfounded. I had also been told that I had a very high blood pressure, but this too was now normal. They gave me a spinal tap, which came back negative. They were expecting to see cloudy fluid, but it looked like drinkable water. They kept me for days, just waiting for things to change, to no avail. Nothing was found again, not even in the blood they found after the first CT scan, which had prompted the emergency actions they took in the first place. They asked me to sign some release papers (as they were undoubtedly worried about being sued). The only way they could explain it was a false diagnosis, and they had given me steroids and other drugs by this time. I knew the reason why though. My prayer had been answered so that was the last thing on my mind. Because I knew I wasn't ready yet, because I wasn't prepared to leave my children and because I knew there was something for me to do here I WAS NEVER WORRIED. I almost had a sense of invincibility after that, I must say! Whilst waiting for the nurse to come with a wheelchair to take me downstairs (hospital policy - actually I felt like I could have sprinted) I walked up to a plaque that was facing the room I had been in. I had noticed it previously. It read 'MIRACLES GROW WHERE YOU PLANT THEM'. I smiled and immediately prayed for everyone on the ICU floor. I asked my mother her thoughts on the fact that my experience and prayer had brought about my miraculous healing. She said 'well, you weren't the only one praying'. Wow can you believe that? SIGH. That's OK though, I guess I can understand - and I haven't had a headache since!

After the hospital experience, I was happy spending time with my children and family, thinking everything would go back to normal. I wasn't expecting anymore miraculous things to happen in my life. I thought it might be just that I would was given a chance to see my children grow a little older. Oh, how I was wrong. All of that was just the beginning of a life filled with miracles. For instance, one day I was on the Internet, searching for an old girlfriend (something I had been doing for years, I think I was being guided to look for her). We had been together in another city, and were high school sweethearts. At this point, I was married with three children. Why would anyone be searching for someone after so many years? I asked myself this repeatedly, and I asked why I was so drawn to try to find her. I had moved away with my parents. Not long after I had moved I had received a call from her. She told me she thought she might be pregnant, but I never heard from her again. Why would she not call me again? Why would I not hear from her? I didn't know what to think about the situation. Had she made it up, maybe she wasn't really pregnant, maybe it wasn't mine - I just didn't know. All those years I had looked for her, seeking some finality to this I guess. I was on Facebook one day looking for her again. I found nothing about her, but a young man with her last name popped up. I know there are many people with that last name, but his name, age, and current location all added up. So, as a shot in the dark, I contacted the young man. I explained to him that I might know his mother. After I gave him some background information on my past girlfriend. To my surprise, he confirmed it all, and that's when he informed me that his mother had been dead since he was ten. I asked the young man if he knew his father. I said 'If so, just ignore all of this, if not, that's where I may come in.' I wasn't prepared for his response, which was 'I haven't found him yet'. I asked the young man if he could send me some pictures. He sent me three pictures. In the first picture, I couldn't see him very well, as he was wearing sunglasses and had his head down. The next picture was a profile shot. The third picture was a good picture, just small. As I was resizing and shading the third picture to see his features, I noticed that this young man (whom I had never met) looked familiar to me. It was then I realized that I was looking at the exact same picture that was paused on during my NDE when I was three years old - a 22 year old son I never knew I had, can you imagine? Needless to say, my view of life and death has forever changed, and I would like to spread the word about this in the hope that it can bring the same comfort to others, as it has me.

I don't know why I, or any other experiencer, feel compelled to tell it to people, but we do. In fact, it might have been the purpose for all of this.