My first thought was that I was looking up at the bluest sky and fluffiest white clouds I had ever seen. I was quite content to just lay there and look at their beauty. Then I noticed a small bug like object moving across the 'sky' and disappearing behind the clouds and then reappearing again. I thought 'what a strange airplane' I noticed it had a beautiful white foaming tail behind it. Then my brain registered what it really was -- a ship. Instantly I had a turning, spinning-type of body rush that brought the scene into the proper 'focus'. I was looking down not up. The bluest sky was really the bluest water and the clouds were really clouds but from the top, not the bottom. I looked more closely. I could see more ships over a huge distance, they were all bug sized. I looked forward instead of down. I was on eye level with the white caps of mountains (I will not say the most beautiful each time I describe a scene but it was and still is) I longed to go closer and to my amazement I moved towards them.
I tried the 'want' a little harder. I moved faster!! It came to me in a rush I could move with a 'thought' I started darting around like a firefly. Rivers, mountains, lakes, oceans flashed into view and out -- it was incredible! And then I looked up. The stars were pinpoints of light that I longed to travel to. I just knew that what I was looking for was up there somewhere. I started to pick a spot to 'travel' to, but a beautiful tinkling sound stopped me. Thinking back now I realize it was the only sound I ever heard 'there': their laughter and one short sentence (that comes later). The lack of all describable feelings, cold, hot, wet, dry, loud, quiet, etc., I didn't notice until much later. Anyway, I looked around for the sound. Again it came and I noticed the smaller clouds would light up BRIGHT!! When this tinkling sound happened. Then I realized it was laughter. I was hearing, short, beautiful, with joy, glad to see you, bursts!!
I could barely start to see their forms coming out as I begged them to come to me -- PLEASE come out I begged!! They were pure love and made me glad all over!! I wanted to be with them. I got the distinct impression that I would know them if only they would come closer, they were moving towards me!! I could not move towards them no matter how hard I tried but we were going to 'touch' in a second. Then in unison their soft, beautiful voices said, 'Time to go back now.' 'NO!!' I cried out 'I want to stay here!!' Again, I heard, 'Time to go back now.' I felt a loving, gentle, non-physical 'push' backwards. I was 'floating, falling' backwards, downwards -- the sky was disappearing.
I was looking into the eyes of a nurse as she was pulling the tube from my throat in the recovery room. I was mad!! I wanted to go back!!, and did I ever hurt. I was vomiting up the tube and yelling, 'Get the F out of here!' Now I wait to return.
Date NDE Occurred: 12-13-1995
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes AccidentIllnessSurgery-related doctors not sure why but muscles on heart valve pulled loose Heart stopped for surgery, blood pumped thru a machine, body packed in ice, on a breathing machine
Heart was stopped for over five hours during surgery, and then restarted with electric paddles.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes No mass of any kind, I seemed to just 'be'.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? See main narrative.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Travel to the most remote regions was possible with a thought.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Not unusual but beautiful!! Tinkling laughter, soft beautiful voices.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I passed a 'plateau' of the upper limits?? Of the sky/earth??
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Hidden behind clouds. I seemed to know them and felt I would have if only they came closer. They radiated love, joy, happiness, and acceptance.
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes BRIGHT!! Light when other People? Were coming to me.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No See main narrative.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Joy, love, knowledge, sadness when leaving
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Not at the time but later.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes See main narrative. Didn't cross the 'plateau' but wanted to.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will Didn't want to. Told 'them' I didn't want to, but was sent back anyway. For what?? I still wonder today.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist catholic
What is your religion now? Moderate catholic
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Less aggressive, less Catholic, more universal type religion. Don't believe much in Hell anymore. Not afraid of death at all -- believe the best is yet to come! Stopped buying things, stopped hunting although I don't condemn it, it's just not for me anymore -- don't even kill bugs:):):) I fish but only catch and release. But I am not a vegetarian.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The beauty of it; the absence of noise, but sounds; the absence of cold or hot, but comfort; the absence of body, yet substance? etc., etc.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Answers to difficult questions or forgotten items seem to come to me from nowhere, they just pop into my head at odd times.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best was the traveling. The worst was having to return.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A couple understood, most look at you like your crazy. I stopped sharing it a couple of years ago.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No My heart stopped beating three days after the surgery but no visions -- only three or four seconds flat line -- and three months after surgery it had to be stopped and re-shocked with paddles because it was beating so fast, but no visions.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Last week a seventy year old man came to me with this story. He said he was visiting a missionary almost five years ago late during November or early December when a local showed up at the door and said I am out of money, I'm losing my home, my family has no food, I need $450. He was invited in for supper. A little while later another knock at the door and a man standing there said, hi my name is (my name), and I own (my business), and I'm from (my town), and GOD sent me to give you this (an envelope with money). This man was in amazement because he is from a nearby town and recognized both my business and town. This person at the door was invited in for supper and left afterwards. The money in the envelope was $450. This man said he was stopping by to thank me. I figured this was some type of scam. So I started treating this man badly, asking him if he wasn't ashamed of himself. He was puzzled I could tell. I explained to him I have never been to that country and never gave any missionary money. He said it had to have happened because he was there, saw it, had supper with this man, who else from my business could it have been??? Then the time frame he was talking about came rushing back to me. The visions of mountains, lakes, rivers, jungles, etc. I showed the man my scar, told him to thank GOD and leave me alone -- I was not willing to talk about it (sure not convinced this was not a scam). He started crying and left. I looked him up in the phone book. He is who he says he is. I will be following through on this soon I think. It scares me badly. I have been searching for my mission ever since that surgery. Has it come to me???