My name is Laurence. At the time, I was thirty-four years old. It was April 23, 2001 and I had to meet someone and then get to an important exam for a diploma that same morning. I was nervous. I usually took the four-lane highway to the training center, but that morning I heard on the radio that there was an extensive traffic back-up on that road, and so, not wanting to be late, I decided to take a smaller, more winding, road. I never was to make it to the meeting, or the exam. I skidded and lost control of my car while speeding over a lot of wet newly mowed grass that was strewn all over the road. The car rolled over several times, and my head crashed into the car roof. I had an instantaneous feeling that I am going to die along with a sincere feeling of repentance and the thought, ‘This does not matter, I've still had a good life, even though I will no longer be there for my children. And it's too bad, but Lord, forgive me!’ And then everything went black.
Suddenly, I become aware of a light in the far distance. I can't see my body, but it feels just like I'm seeing with my eyes. I feel a lightness and I am moving forward. ‘I know,’ I think to myself, and as soon as I feel as if ‘I know,’ I also have this indescribable feeling, stronger than any emotion I have ever experienced. It is pure love, and I feel others around me. I can only make out one silhouette. It is my father. I ‘know’ that we are many that I am linked to them and they are to me! I am connected to my father. It is powerful! I perceive that he thinks I shouldn't be there, and that I am going to have to go back. I am in a halo of wonderful thoughts. Then I do go back. It's brutal.
When I open my eyes, I see the blue sky, but I hurt, I suffer, and I can't move. I'm lying on the road. My back is shredded, blood is oozing into my eyes, into my mouth and this man is saying to me, ‘I'm here! Everything is going to be fine. The firemen are on their way, I'm not going to leave you! Look at me! Look at me! I'm a rescuer, hold on!’ I can't even find words to describe the pain that is radiating through my head and my body!
I revisit what I just experienced in that black halo. That tunnel, where a brilliant and wonderful light illuminated my eyes! Where I felt good, at peace, with a feeling of having acquired an immense amount of knowledge, my own knowledge and everyone's knowledge, as if we were all one, and yet still ourselves!
I am all the others, and myself too! We are a magma of love, or, how shall I say, ‘I am love within love!’ And that knowledge, it's like a medicine that soothes all fears, then you become love inside love and when I went back, I knew that I did know everything, and yet I could not remember it!
I know that the impression stayed with me, but even if I no longer ‘know’ what ‘it’ is, ‘it’ stays. ‘It’ is the knowledge. It’s soft and beautiful.
I said to the lord, ‘I do not remember all the thoughts that were exchanged with them during this near death experience, but I remember there was a very strong thought about my children, and that I wanted to be there! I wanted to be present during their weddings, I wanted to become a grandmother, and so I went back.’ They made me think of my kids.
I did not see Jesus or God, but what a powerful love I felt!
After my long months of recovery, I thought about all those on Earth who are deprived of love and all the feelings of sadness in their hearts. Not even on Earth could I feel such emotion! It's encouraging for those who suffer and want to be wrapped in love! I thought about these men and women who are religious, and about their priestly sacrifice, and their reward in that love! I thought about these things by myself for a long time.
It took me five years to really recover physically, but spiritually, everything changed in my life and I told myself, ‘You did not lead the life of a saint, hey, Laurence? And yet when you said: 'Lord, forgive me!' you received love in return, then another chance!’ What more is there to say? God is not the one who selects, I'm sure of it! I did not see Hell but I felt the forgiveness. It's us who either want, or reject, that Love!
The remembrance stays! Yes! After the car was smashed by rolling over and over, (resulting in my head getting crushed up against car roof) and it finally stopped its wild rush and fell back violently on its wheels, I wound up with my face embedded in the steering wheel. Then I saw the darkness. Then nothing. And then suddenly, the tunnel, and the light. That love inside me! That feeling of being so much better than better! Loved, repaired, forgiven, with everyone joined as one, and my unique self. All together! It's the life, which truly awaits us.
Nevertheless, I only went along for a small portion of that trip before I had to come back, but I returned full of emotions, of lucidity, of peace.
Since then, there have been many manifestations, supernatural male visitors and female visitors and events, too, and some real intuitions.
I am a ‘link,’ I stayed a ‘link,’ that I know. That ‘link’ has stayed between them and me. I feel at peace, and mostly life does not worry me anymore!
I never did take my exam, and I no longer seek financial gain, or glory, or material goods.
I want a quiet life until I leave. A life full of love with my close ones, and then I want to offer love to those who need it. That's what you take with you!
I have the following sentence always in my head: ‘How did you love? Laurence, How did you love?’ Love. It's the only thing that ‘filled’ me during that fabulous trip through that tunnel towards that world of light.
Date NDE Occurred: 23 avril 2001
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Accident. Direct head injury Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I saw everything around me, I understood everything. I felt a lightness; I had the feeling of seeing only with my eyes. How shall I say this? I could not see my body, but I was myself. I felt really at peace, with no fears. It was natural. I was myself, truly myself. I saw all around me, I grasped everything. I did not hear with my ears. I cannot explain, but it was not with my ears. It was as if the voice was inside myself, as if the voices I heard had penetrated inside me.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? I could not tell. I think I was outside of time. It's hard to explain.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw everything around. I grasped at everything. I felt light. I had the feeling that I saw only with my eyes, as if my body only had a head!
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I did not hear through my ears, I don't know how to explain this, but it was not through my ears, it was as if the voice was within me, as if the voices that I had heard had penetrated inside me. The voices were inside me.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes That black halo, that tunnel where a brilliant, wonderful light illuminated my eyes: I will never forget it. All around me was black, but in the distance, the light illuminated me, and I really did not have the feeling that I was totally in darkness. I truly felt trusting.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I met my father, who died in 1996, but it was mostly his voice that I heard and his silhouette that I saw.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes That light above me attracted me, comforted me, and sent me love.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm That tunnel is indescribable, and I felt that it was full of people, but I could not see much, I only saw the silhouette of my father in front of me, far off. And I recognized him mostly because of his voice and his thoughts inside me!
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? We were like a magma of love, or, should I say, I was love. I was inside love! And that knowledge is like a medicinal cream that comforts all fears and then you become love inside love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I felt at peace, with a feeling that I had acquired an immense understanding. My knowledge and everyone's knowledge, as if we were all, and yet one! I was myself and I was others! When I came back, I knew that I had known everything, and yet now I can't remember anything of it!
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will My father told me not to continue and to go back, but I did not want to go back. And the source told me to listen to him. He spoke about him and me (that's private,) then he told me to go back. He insisted, telling me that I did not yet have a place among them, that I had to go back to my children. Then others told me the same. It was peaceful, so wonderful, and I did not understand. I wanted to stay there. Then they made me think of my children. They showed me my children (inside myself), and then I still wanted to go back, but at the same time, I was confused, I wanted to stay. Then I felt the sadness of my children, and I told them I wanted to be there for their marriages. Then the source told me, ‘Then, go back!’ I went back. Backwards, suddenly, quickly, it was instantaneous and brutal.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I'm on a spiritual quest. I am on a quest for love. I look especially for peace and for all religions that value love foremost. Those that put everyone on an equal footing.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic j'ai été élevé dans la religion catholique, mais depuis plusieurs années je n'avais plus aucune attention en celle-ci
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Yes. I believe in a universal religion, based on love. I'm not attached to any particular religion. Yes, it completely changed my view of religion. It's simply Love. I see love in all religions, but I also see wars, and that does not correspond to my religion, which is a source of love.
I stayed Catholic, but I don't accept everything about my religion. It's about all that of the heart, of the source linked to us that I call God.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I heard the voice of my father, but I could not identify the other voices.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes en etant relié directement à eux, j'etais medecin, infirmière, rabouteux, cordonnier, marechal ferrant, institutrice, je ne sais comment l'exprimer mais j'avais accés à toutes les connaissances... nous etions tous et pourtant je gardais mon unicité, je re
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes la lumière est la source d'amour
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I came back to Earth for my children, and, without knowing why, I know that I play an important role in their lives. And their marriages stayed an obsession that I haven't shared with them, since they would not understand! Thus, they don't know I came back for that, to be at their weddings and to help them enter life. Yes, I had a choice, they told me to go back and it is as if they had made me see the consequences of my choice, without imposing it on me. It was me who thought, seeing my children inside me, I began to doubt, then I wanted to stay, but at the same time to be with my children. Then I went back.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes je me souviens de "comment as tu aimé laurence?" je ne savais que dire...
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes je ne peux le faire de façon precise puisque je ne m'en souviens pas, mais oui j'ai sut toute chose et ce sentiment demeure en moi...
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes que seul l'amour et la connaissance sont nos seuls bagages dans cette nouvelle vie merveilleuse
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Empathy became second nature to me. I'm so empathetic, always with the desire to love, to trust others, even if I am told, ‘You are not careful, Laurence, you should be more careful!’ I saw only the good in the human soul, I only wanted peace, only love, but I was misunderstood for that reason, people thought I was becoming a Bible-thumper. It was the nickname they had given me, and yet, I did not go to church, to mass, every Sunday. I felt universal love and I still had it ‘inside me!’ I forgave easily, and I still forgive easily. I had to find my place between the chaos of life and the desire to be at peace with everything that lived inside me, around me. It was in 2006 that everything became simpler. I finally found the harmonious balance of peace.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I think that the accident created in my mind a new image of me, as if they I that my changing had to do with the fact that I had almost died. I was changing to become wiser. Hum, hum, yes! Before, I had been very violent, both verbally and physically, and I did not care if I wounded someone, especially if he had dared hurt me.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes While in the tunnel and the light at the end of the tunnel, and during my ascending in that tunnel, I was filled with love, I felt love around me, and in me. That love was a whole! I felt that I was not alone, that that source of love was all and one. I was they and I was myself. That source, that magma, could not be defined. How could I describe it? All are linked together. I was separate and unique, but linked to them! And they were linked to me. I was they and they were I. I knew their thoughts and possessed their knowledge, all the while being very distinct, but I found that normal! I remember that for me, it was normal! Words cannot really describe this.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience ce sentiment d'amour unique que je ne pourrais jamais oublié, le fait d'avoir sentie et revu en partie mon père... et cette infini savoir que je n'ai plus... je n'ai jamais put oubliée
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Since my near death experience, I can sense ‘my visitors,’ whom I receive with love. I always feel linked to them and I know why and how to explain. That world is accessible, and mine joins with theirs. I remain linked through feelings. I don't know how to express it. The knowledge of everything, of all, them and myself, even though unique, but all linked. I knew everything about them, I possessed all their knowledge, and they knew everything about me and in that flow of love, I stayed entirely separate, myself, unique.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? When my father spoke to me. As I listened to him, I felt totally at peace and reassured.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The near death experience was in 2001 and three years later I was able to talk about it. First, I told my children. Then I talked to my girlfriends, and then to my family, over the course of eleven years. They did not judge or comment negatively, and I regretted not having mentioned it earlier. Especially since, I learned afterwards that my mother had had a near death experience, too, which she had never mentioned. It was when I told her about my near death experience that she was able to mention hers. Unbelievable! My best friend also went through a near death experience too, and I was surprised to learn that, yes, even those whom I thought I knew so well had gone through a similar experience.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Always live in the present. Love vibrates forever, so no longer be afraid of death. Feel carried through trials and tribulations by a more serene feeling, go through them, and let a positive feeling work through you, act, but also trust. I lived through the most beautiful event of my life, I learned through this experience that any hate I carried, any anger or violence, was a poison for my soul, I learned to accept and leave behind all the suffering I endured while I was little, as well as when I was grown up. I stopped to look at the past, and I learned to love my neighbor. I especially learned to love myself. When I was little, I only wanted to die, and now I wish only to live. Death no longer scares me, but I know that this life needs to be more spiritual. I always search the source of love.