I was in my hot tub with my boyfriend of five years. It seemed like a normal day except he was distraught because his mother had set up another mass for his son who die three years earlier due to a drug issue. He had had some alcohol, and perhaps some painkillers, but seemed to be ok. We were enjoying the day as much as possible, laying in the sun on chairs and getting back into the hot tub for several hours. Then, the subject came up about how his ex-wife wanted to get on with her life after the son's death and have a new life. A look of evil came over his face. As I exited the hot tub, he pulled my hair and violently forced me back into the tub. My back hit the armrest and I was in excruciating pain. I thought then that I had broken my back. However, I was able to fight and try to break free, but he had pushed me down into the bottom of the tub and pinned my head under the water. I don't think that I had any water in my lungs because of the way that my neck and head was pushed down under the water.
I fought as best as I could kicking my legs and arms to try to get free, but he had me pinned with such strength that I could not get free. I had just had a big toe implant operation and I remember that hurting as I was kicking. I had no oxygen for many minutes. When I ran out of strength to fight, I said to myself, ‘he is not going to let me out. I am going to die now. My life is over. What about my mother? What is she going to do? What a terrible scandal, why is this happening?’ Then it was over. A complete sense of wellness came over me. There was no more pain. Although my hot tub had never been in the sun (only in the summer in the morning), there was this beautiful shimmer of sunbeams and shimmering light coming in. Although I was not looking at the water because my head was pinned down and I was obviously unconscious, the light was drawing me to it. I felt an overwhelming sense of calmness and a release, and felt so free to escape that way. I was seeing visions of shimmery dark figures in the distance, but could not make it out. But, I felt that at this time, it was where I was supposed to go. As I began to get closer and feel more and more love, I felt my hair being pulled up. A voice that said ‘Oh no,’ or ‘uh oh,’ or something, and before I knew it I was conscious again. I don't know if I was slapped or anything but when I became conscious again and was able to get out of the tub, I jumped over the side to get out.
Date NDE Occurred: June 2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drowning. Criminal attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes The forms of darkness were moving toward me but I could not make anything out. Everything happened fast and I wanted to go with them. I was disappointed that I had to return.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I felt like I could lift myself out of the tub, but that did not happen. I did not see myself from above like other people mention. I was brought back too soon.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I started seeing the shimmering light, I had accepted that my life was over. That I was dying and that there was another place to go to. Before that, pure survival that was the main focus.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
Time was going slower.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had never experienced that type of warmth or that color of light, not before nor after the experience. I did lose some mental capacity for a few days. I was frightened afterwards. My brain did not feel up to its usual function.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no sound during the experience. My hearing appeared to be normal, but I was bruised from head to toe with a large ‘porterhouse steak’ bruise on my back. If I landed on that armrest one inch different, I surely would have been paralyzed.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No There was no tunnel, but the shimmering lights were very vivid. Like sun coming through water. But as I mentioned before, my eyes were closed and my head was tucked down into my chin, and there was no sun in that tub, especially at that time of the day.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They were too far away to recognize, but I felt comfortable with them.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw dark objects, some closer than others, that were also shimmering, but in a way that was darker than the light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was mystical as I had never experienced feelings like that. It was a total mind/body release and a feeling of happiness and joy that I was looking forward to going.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? At first, sadness for my mother and family that they were losing me, and sadness for the person doing this because he would be in jail. (I was fighting for what seemed like ten minutes or so). After I accepted death, and did not have any more strength, I felt serene, at peace, and loved.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No I did not have any understanding of what happened. Only that I had trust that I was going to be ok.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was hurled back into my painful body. I don't know how, or what, my boyfriend did to get me back, but I remembering talking a huge inhale and realized what had happened and got out of the water immediately. I walked around in a daze for a while, but felt that I needed protection. I tried to look for a weapon, knife, or whatever, and locked myself in my bedroom. I could not dial a cell phone or even find a cell phone, or think about what to do, so I grabbed a stick or something.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I was forced to attend church as a child Lutheran Religion, but never felt spiritual or close to a maker.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I do not fear death. I don't go to the doctors as much. I am not nervous about driving.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No There were no voices.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists┬
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I felt that they (the beings or guardian angels or whatever) didn't think that it was my time for such a horrible tragedy to occur. I was pushed backward fast back into my body and the pain and horror was dealt with by me, knowing that it was the decision.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife probably exists Yes
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I have been sensing different things, like my deceased cat walking across my bed to wake me up in the morning to let him out. I heard a toilet flush in my bathroom, and I was in bed, and there was no one here. Sometimes I had strong scenses of my cousing who passed last year with breast cancer.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I do not fear death. After my brain started to function again (couple of weeks), I was sensing more spiritual feelings. Like I had a spirit guide, though it didn’t communicate.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Well, I broke up with the guy who did this to me and I was heartbroken that it happened. So was he, but he needed psychiatric help to deal with this son's passing.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No Although I had a couple cocktails that afternoon, the entire experience was memorable and I think about it often. It took me several years to accept what happened, and sought professional help to try to make sense of why this happened. I could tell the story anytime. Every memory is like it happened yesterday.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes More dreaming. Realistic dreams (pleasant) that wake me up after and I don't know if they happened. Feeling the presence of people/pets.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The fear of death at the end when I knew that my life was over was specifically damaging to me. I believe what I went through caused me to have ‘post-traumatic stress disorder’, which I was diagnosed with.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes My sister noticed my bruises and demanded that I go to a hospital and go directly to the police. I went to the police but did not press charges. I believe that it was a onetime problem as there was no history of abuse. He was a loving person that just wigged out.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I began pondering and questioning how the light was in the tub when there was no sunshine.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No