I was admitted to hospital with a blood disease called sepsis. I had been sick for a couple of days or more with high fever and chills, flu like symptoms. My fever kept going up to 106 at which time, my wife took me to emergency room. The doctor diagnosed it as the flu, prescribed some meds and sent me home. My fever and chills worsened over the next four or five hours with my wife taking me back in.
This time after more testing, they found sepsis and admitted me. The time was just before Christmas. The staff at the hospital treated me well. The day before Christmas Eve the hospital staff was but a few with few registered nurses. It was morning, morning light out the window, no roommate, no one around, and I still had a high fever. Everyone in my family had stopped in to see me the night before.
In an instant, I found myself in a completely opaque, dark place, void of everything. The place was far away from here, huge beyond description with nothing in it, nothing, no sound, smells, dimensions of anything, neither hot or cold, quite perfect in that regard. I had no sense of a body, no feeling of anything, no pains, no arms or legs but something akin to a very fine cloudy mist in their place without definition. It's hard to describe, I don't recall looking or finding my trunk but did look to my right where an arm should be, seeing this very vague description.
This was secondary to me wondering where I was, what is this place, where am I, what is going on. I looked behind me for an instant seeing a rectangular white shape not pure or clear white but weathered white very far away perhaps hundreds of miles. It appeared to be door shaped. I had no way of getting to it regardless. Remember, this was just for an instant.
I turned back; this was amazing too, that I could turn forward or back without a body or why I could see without a head. Very baffling, feeling fearful of this place, looking around everywhere trying to figure anything out. There seemed to be some red in the black but nothing else. I recall looking up to my right trying to focus on anything. I felt a very strong presence at my back, very strong as if keeping me in place faced forward. I was afraid to try to look back, feared the devil was there. I was judged, I recall thinking I was judged fairly. I didn't see any life review but had sense of my entire life. I didn't fight or argue went back to looking straight ahead with a terrible feeling of despair and loneliness. I remember feeling so disappointed in myself that my life turned out with me being all alone in this black lifeless place for eternity. Unless you have been in this place, you can't imagine the despair and fret.
I recall thinking, 'I want out of here. I don't deserve this place. I don't want to be here. How can I get out of here?' I was starting to become frantic all in my mind, no voice, no body to wrench around. I could say I was scared but that is a pale description of the emotional devastation of this place with no way out.
At this moment, I could see a very small speck of light way off in the distance. Way off is muted language for how far it may have been away, imagine a million miles. This speck of light is all there was in the void with me besides the strong presence behind me. My eyes focused on this light with my complete attention. My mind has never been as sharp, as it was while in the void. I have never been so focused or attentive; my eyesight was perfect along with my awareness.
In a short period of time, the speck of light grew into a tunnel. The tunnel moved toward me but below and to my right thousands of feet below me. The tunnel was worm like with slight bends to the left and right, not up, or down. The tunnel was baffling to me too. How could this be here, in nothing? I don't think I moved toward the tunnel but it came to me. This is impossible to comprehend.
I was trying to figure out what this tunnel could be or how it could be. I looked at it from above, seeing the opening. Within an instant, as fast or faster than thought, I was inside the tunnel. The tunnel appeared to be drilled out of rock with ridges in the walls. The tunnel appeared to have an overall color of yellowish tan, it had white in it that had some volume, charcoal streaks, amber hue here and there hard to describe but you can see what I saw, I will tell you where later. I started moving through the tunnel ever faster toward a speck of beautiful blue at its end.
At this moment I realized I was dead, not before, because I was busy just trying to figure out anything. I was able to stop my journey turning to my left looking at the side wall. I accepted my death at this moment but happened to notice the sidewall had a highly polished micro inch surface. I recall thinking it was time to go, turned to my right again and moved very quickly toward the blue at the end of the tunnel. I could see the blue unlike a blue I had seen before, I thought it was the sky, looking for a cloud to cross the opening but nothing showed. Then I was moving faster and could feel my spirit moving into the blue.
At that instant I heard, 'Wake up, wake up, I can't get your pulse or blood pressure.' My head was too heavy to move slumped to my right. I heard, 'Wake up, wake up'. I turned my head to my left seeing a nurse with her stethoscope on my wrist pumping up a blood pressure cuff. The next thing she said was, 'Sometimes this equipment doesn't work', putting her stethoscope over her shoulders as she left my room. Eye surgery was completed twelve days before my experience thus drug effects were minimal. I spoke with the nurse that revived me. She said, she responded to the alarm going off for low oxygen levels and found me unresponsive with no pulse or blood pressure. I was left wondering what just happened, was it real or a dream. I told my wife what happened shortly after and she just smiled at me. I told my nurse later that I was in a tunnel, not the same nurse who brought me back. He just ignored me. I didn't mention it again for a few weeks until I was home recuperating from my original surgery deciding to look up NDE to see if it was possible it wasn't a dream. Reading Wikipedia I was not too sure my experience fits until I saw my tunnel in a painting from 1490. It was just as I experienced except it depicted angels and cherubs. This made me think there may be something to it. As time went by, I heard messages from my heart not with my ears or in my head but from my heart.
Don't be prejudiced, judgmental, and critical of others. Love everyone. 'The love you give and receive you take with you'. There are others all having to do with getting to know God and our purpose. I'm still learning.
My experience is the most real sentinel event of my life. Nothing is more real. The event has changed my life very gradually and continues.
Date NDE Occurred: December 2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Illness Other: Hospitalized with sepsis
I was sick with sepsis, had a high fever of 106 and my wife was very concerned. I have since learned my wife was warned I may die.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Best described as how anyone may be while caught on the railroad tracks watching a freight train speeding toward him in the dark with nowhere to go, or as attentive in a life or death situation looking for a way out.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From beginning to end I was very alert more alert than anytime I can recall.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
Time has no meaning in this realm. Can't tell about time. There is so much going on, just focusing on the present was totally occupying. Speed in the tunnel was comforting. Not too fast, plus allowing me some time to reflect on my death.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The start of sepsis originated with an eye surgery lasting several hours under anesthesia. I came out of anesthesia some 7 hours later unable to void. It was a miracle the doctors restored my sight in my eye but I was unable to see clearly with that eye for a while. In the void, my eyesight was crisp as never before. Amazing
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't hear anything in my experience, nothing.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I explained above. A tunnel coming to rescue me. Just amazing.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The light I saw was the tunnel coming to take me out of the void.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Despair, anguish, disappointment, loneliness, heart sick, scared, terrified, despondent, frantic and finally relief and hope.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No The blue light, had I gone into it I would not be here.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic Prayed every day to be the best i could be to others. Not active with going to church or reading bible or searching for christ. Believed in God not sure of christ at the time.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Go to church, pray often, try to find God. Get to know him.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic Actively attending church, read scriptures, talk with others about scripture and faith. Believe in God more than ever and now christ.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I thought believing in God was enough. We have to get to know him. I learned this lately.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes No doubt about God, no doubt about the meaning of love. No doubts I will be judged for effort. No doubt. God gives us all multiple chances to know him.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I saw a lot but don't know what it means. Certainly there is much beyond here but what it is beyond beautiful and vast i on't know.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God exists, so powerful beyond description. Amazingly we go as we are not different in any way.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Certain there is life beyond our earthly realm. Total certainty, no doubt, wonderful spirit awaits us.
There is so much or us to learn beyond this life.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Messages continue to come to me on my heart.
Biggest one lately. We are out of choices when we die, we made them all while here. " they will be done"
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is the essence of our existence. Loving each other our purpose.
Loving God though we don't know him or ever seen him is our soul.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life So many. They are all very personal. I try harder to avoid prejudice, judging others, criticizing, try to love but I'm still just a human filled with frailty. I fail every day to achieve anything real positive but I try. I have remorse.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes My wife, children everyone is so precious to me. They were before but even more so now,
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Vast is a word but can only be compared. The words vast, huge, big, endless are not sufficient to describe the size of the void. Despair, anguish, loneliness, anxiety are descriptive but are pale to the actual feelings of loss. I was so disappointed in myself.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience Most alive i've ever been. Most everything i've ever been. Most emotional just mention anything nothing ever more.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Difficult to say with certainty but I can sense what will happen next.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I was taken out behind the wood shed given a strict talking to. We all have choices to make here. When that opportunity presents itself choose according to your heart.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Right after it happened, with my wife and nurse. Months later with others. Reaction is pathetic; most think it was a dream or hallucination.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real As I said, the slow process of discovery is still going on.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It won't go away. I am being directed to save my soul
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am certain there is life beyond our earthly realm. Total certainty, no doubt. God exists, so powerful beyond description. Amazingly we go as we are, not different in any way. Wonderful spirit awaits us. There is so much for us to learn beyond this life. Love is the essence of our existence. Loving each other our purpose. Loving God though we don't know him or have ever seen him is our soul. Messages continue to come to me in my heart. Biggest one lately. We are out of choices when we die; we made them all while here. They will be done. Amazing truth.