I was driving in an ice storm and a huge truck was sitting across the highway and I could not stop. I hit it head on. The few seconds before I hit all I could think about was my beautiful little girl at home who needed me and was all alone, probably scared to death wondering where I was. When I hit I thought I was dying from the pain in my chest. I couldn't feel or see my legs, I thought that they were gone. I had an elderly passenger with me and all I could think of was trying to comfort her. We were trapped for hours before we were able to be rescued. The emergency room was packed and understaffed in the entire hospital because of the crippling weather. The doctor said it was a miracle that I survived and that I did not have any broken bones or internal injuries. My legs were badly bruised, swollen and cut and I could not move them. They released me to my brother and sister-in-law; there were no rooms available to keep me overnight. My brother and his wife had to carry me into my apartment. A friend in town had taken my daughter home. She was only twelve years old and had been home alone for hours in this terrible storm. I thought I would be okay alone. They were the only family that lived close. I called my daughter and a few friends. I had asked my brother to make me a drink before he left.
I was in a lot of pain and I took two pain pills. I couldn't go to sleep. I felt so alone and so scared. I was a single parent and I was overcome with thoughts of how I was going to manage caring for my daughter and getting back to work when I could not even walk. I had to go to the bathroom and realized I had no way to get there, but to crawl. It was extremely painful and difficult. I had to use my upper body to lift myself up. I just crawled to my bedroom and was on the floor just crying and feeling so helpless. I took a sleeping pill. The next thing I remember was my heart pounding so hard I could hear it and feel it. It woke me up, my eyes were open and I was so scared. Then it stopped beating and I was being pulled incredibly fast through this dark tunnel toward a bright light. I felt there was someone beside me. I was scared; I knew it was not a dream. Then suddenly I felt as if I was dropped back onto the floor. I looked over at the clock, it was 3:00 a.m. and I had no idea what had just happened to me. My mother called me the next morning and told me she had awoken at 3:00 a.m. with this terrible feeling I had died.
Date NDE Occurred: February 24, 1996
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Accident Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening
How do you consider the content of your experience? Disturbing
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes When I felt that my heart was not beating I was being moved quickly through this tunnel. I did not see my body separated from me, but it felt as if I left it lying on the floor it happened so quickly.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? My eyes were open and I knew I was awake and not dreaming. It was very real.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was being pulled incredibly fast through a dark tunnel toward a bright light.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I could feel someone beside me in the tunnel.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was incredibly bright and it felt good to see the light after the darkness in the tunnel and the darkness I felt inside that evening. But I could not stop thinking of my daughter and how much we needed each other. She had been my driving force, my reason for everything for twelve years; it was just the two of us.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, fear, and anxiety. I was looking for my daughter, I could not leave her.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I just knew that I had died and came back very quickly.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No I just felt this overwhelming anguish about leaving my daughter. It pulled at me and was stronger than the beauty and comfort I felt coming from the light.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The difficulties I have always experienced in my life and continue to do so seem so trivial and unimportant. I have not been to church on a regular basis since I was a child, but I have always had this incredible, unwavering, undoubting faith and trust in God that has always got me through everything. That has intensified along with a strong desire to learn more. There are just things that I know to be true about life and afterlife. The things I struggle so hard at are convincing the people around me of what I know to be that truth. They think I'm 'crazy' in a good kind of way.
After the NDE:
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes One year ago my fiancé's father asked if we could take his mother's ashes out to sea. He was devastated, his mother had lived by the ocean and wanted her ashes to be scattered in the ocean after her death. His older brother was given the ashes and agreed to do that. My fiancé's father was too overcome with the loss of his mother. When his brother died last year and he was cleaning out his house, he found his mother's ashes in the garage, over a decade after her death. My fiancé, mother, his sister, father and I took our boat about a mile into the ocean. I had a very uneasy feeling of anxiety and began to tremble (that has happened to me in the past several times before something bad has happened to someone I was close to) I suddenly somehow knew he was having a heart attack. He didn't display any symptoms, he just seemed overcome by the emotion of what we were there for. I told the others I felt he was having a heart attack. They joked and laughed at me and thought I was ruining the whole experience. They said he was probably a little sea sick. I asked to please go back because I was sure of what was happening. They still did not believe me. I remember sitting alone saying, 'I am so sorry for doing this. I can't get anyone to believe me,' I begged for God's forgiveness. My fiancé's father did in fact suffer a massive heart attack that required a quadruple bypass. That evening sitting on the boat I was with my fiancé and his mother. I was reflecting on what had happened, feeling so guilty for not convincing the others sooner of what I knew, a white mist that looked similar to a miniature cloud or dense patch of fog drifted toward me and went right through me and I had an immediate feeling that everything was okay.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The worst part was the fear of not being with my daughter, the fear of not having the joy of being a part of her life. I still have that fear. I feel there is so much more the two of us have to share. The best part is knowing that this life, good and bad, is to teach me and to improve my soul for what is waiting beyond this life.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Not too often, because of the reactions I get. My daughter is the one that I talk the most to. I want to help her in her spiritual growth.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am thankful for it. I sometimes go to sleep wishing that God could show me just a little more.