Five days before the event I had a checkup with my doctor. He told me I had high cholesterol and diabetes. He put me on Metformin and Lipitor. The night before the event, I went to bed and told my husband I was a little tired. The next morning I tried to get up to go to the bathroom. I made it there, but I stumbled over everything. I had made it back to bed when my husband came in. He spoke to me asking me what was wrong. I couldn't hear him. I showed him 911 with my fingers and he went to call them. He told me later my lips and ear tips were blue. I tried to stay with him until the paramedics got there. The last thing I remember was the paramedic asking me if I could stand up. I heard her.
Then I don't remember anything until June 15. I was not in a medically induced coma. When I first woke up, they had my arms tied down so I wasn't sure if I was in jail or a hospital. Then a doctor came in and cut my throat to put in tubes for dialysis. I zoned out again. The next time I woke up, I was in a hospital room and I wasn't tied down anymore. I had a rush of feelings come over me then and I recalled what had happened and where I had been. Before I got to the hospital, I woke in a dark warm place with no light. I thought I must be dead.
About the same time, a pinpoint of light started, and I was moving rapidly towards it. I was picked up by a being of light who radiated peace and endless joy and compassion, not to my body, but to my soul. I didn't care where my body was. At first, I could see that the being was dressed in white, but he kept getting brighter and brighter. It seemed we were going up, but we stopped, and it was a gray area. God wasn't in the gray place, but God was everywhere else. We left there, and continued moving into the brightness above. The farther we got up the brighter the being became until I could no longer see his face. I didn't have a life review that I can recall. I had been robbed at gunpoint about a year earlier and I got the mini condensed one then. We got to where we were going, it was like a little garden with a white picket fence, but I could not get in there. They told me I had to go back. I begged and pleaded, but they sent me back to my poor pain-filled body in a rush.
Date NDE Occurred: 'June 5,2005'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I was in shock. My heart Failed, my liver failed, my kidneys failed, and I was in a coma. I had rectal bleeding. My cardiologist had to thump me back two or three times.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I had never before in my life felt such peace and joy, love and compassion. I could feel it like honey being poured into me. Everything was perfect.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I woke in the darkness and thought I must be dead, then the light came for me. The being was full of love, compassion, peace and joy. He gave me that gift. I can remember the joy and the peace and know when I go there again I will be ready for my place.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time there.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It's like seeing clearly to the ends of the world. I wear glasses, and vision here is muddy.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't hear words or songs, they just were. Right before the experience, my hearing was ok. Except for directly before when my hearing was going in and out.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I work in a warm, black place and when the light came I traveled directly to it.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Everything except that one gray area was full of God's Love and Light. It is stupendous.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I think I went to Heaven. It was a place full of joy, peace, love and cherishing. I don't have the words to describe it.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Joy, peace, love, and sorrow that I had to leave because it wasn't my time.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes The picket fence was my boundary.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will The people behind the picket fence said my place was not yet ready. I had to return.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I left the Roman Catholic church for the Episcopal Church because I felt I was no longer Catholic. God loves me even though I was divorced and remarried.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic I have since joined the Episcopalian Church, since the Catholics wouldn't let me take Communion because I remarried after a divorce.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience There is not one true way to God. God is universal.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe God loves me as I am.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I heard thoughts in my mind, but not aurally. I heard songs of praise in my mind, too.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Jesus is who came and got me.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain Close family and friends stop by to say goodbye when they die, now.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I became aware God is everywhere.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God IS. God is everywhere.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I learned I have not completed the task I was sent here to learn.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I couldn't stay because my place wasn't ready yet.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists┬
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There is life after death
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes We are all part of God. God is universal. I no longer hold grudges when someone hurts me because it doesn't matter in the long run. I try to do my best to live like each day is my last on earth.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes God is love, peace, and joy.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I changed my religion to one that embraced me and my rector believed in my near death experience.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I am able to work fearlessly with my psychiatrist now, where I held back before. I am bipolar in this life, but now I admit it instead of just dealing with the consequences of it.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Mere words cannot express the peace and joy I felt. How much I wanted to be allowed to stay, how ready I was to stay. I no longer fear death because death is the beginning of what I think is our real life.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience The NDE showed me that there is life after death, and after I complete my task I will be going back.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I know things beforehand hand sometimes. When someone I am close to dies, they come to say goodbye to me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Knowing death is nothing to fear, knowing my close friends and family will come to tell me goodbye, and knowing that God is.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with a nurse in the hospital first, then my husband, and then my psychiatrist.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes My mother had a near death experience when I was about seven. She didn't talk about it until I was forty.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It happened. I felt the joy, peace and love for a year. Even now I can remember it fully.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened to me. I no longer fear death. My ex-husband came by on December 25th to say goodbye, and I met my husband's mother and brother who were already dead in a dream. They had a message to my husband that he understood. I had never even seen a photo of his brother or mother.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I feel joy when each of my grandsons was born. I have five. Three before the experience and the two after brought me total joy and love.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I greatly feared death, I refused to accept the fact I was bipolar, I dabbled with drinking and drugs. Now I don't feel afraid of death, and the alcohol and drug use is totally out of my life. I feel happy every day of my life, and I am ready at any time to go to Heaven again. My bipolar disorder doesn't give me the sorrow and denial it once did, and after eight years my kidneys healed back to normal. I was on dialysis for six weeks, then my kidneys were still in failure until my last check up when my doctor told me they were healed.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think a separate question about your illness or accident before you went into the near death experience would help to set it up. I went into shock, and if that was a separate question it would have helped me to focus more on the actual near death experience.