I went to the hospital on Saturday morning and only remember a few moments in the emergency room. My family told me that by Monday morning they called my sister to tell her to come to the hospital. They put me on life support and I was gone for almost two months.
When I was in the coma I remember being able to hear people in the room but I couldn't wake up, I couldn't respond. I remember being very cold. I remember my sister covering me up and holding my hand. I had a very high fever. I heard the nurse scolding my sister for covering me up. She told her I needed the covers off because of the fever. My sister told the nurse that she could tell by my face that I was cold and agitated. I told her about remembering it later. She confirmed that it did happen, funny how sisters know how to read the expressions in each other's faces.
I remember hearing my brother's voice in the room -- he had flown in from out of state. I knew when I heard his voice that I must be in serious shape. I remember feeling so lonely and helpless. I wasn't sure where I was, my mind was still going. I was so happy when I could hear voices in the room. Hearing voices was the only thing that told me that I was still alive. After I got out of the hospital I kept feeling like I should go to the hospital to let families know to not leave their loved ones when they are in a coma. I had first-hand knowledge that they can hear you.
I started feeling that I was drifting further and further away. I can remember asking God to please don't let my brain turn off. I felt that that was the only thing; the only sign that I was still alive.
Then I felt like I was just in the dark somewhere. I must have really been struggling. I remember a male being. I remember him talking or mentally communicating with me. He kept telling me that it was ok to die, to quit fighting so hard and to just give up. He was there for a long time. All of a sudden it was like he slipped up somehow. I felt that he was evil and trying in my mind to get me to commit suicide by giving up. I remember asking God to help me and the evil being was gone.
Then I remember being in a very brightly lighted place. It was like being in the air or a cloud but I knew at the time that it wasn't a cloud. It was wonderful. The light seemed to hold me, like someone carrying or cuddling me. The only way I can describe it is feeling like I was part of the universe. I remember not feeling surprised, as if I knew all along that I would soon be there, as if I had been there before. I was more at ease than I could ever imagine in life. I sincerely felt like I was back where I came from and knew it. No one was there.
Then in a distance, I saw a figure coming towards me. He stood upright like a man, yet had some sort of electrical energy around him. I don't remember him talking at first. I remember in a childlike way I said to him, "You are doing all of this," and then almost before it was out of my voice or thoughts I knew that he was God. I felt that I had been so irreverent and didn't know what to do. He was communicating with me with his presence. I don't remember anything that he said but I know that he made me feel wonderful and at ease not only with him being there, but with my life and with what I was experiencing. I wasn't at all afraid. I remember feeling like my brain just opened up and all the answers to life were right there flowing through my head so quickly, like all the troubles of the world (not just mine) were all going to be ok. I remember feeling amused that everything, and I mean everything, the good the bad and the ugly in the world was all in control. It was all planned and almost wasn't even real. I felt like where I was, was real and that the life part had all been a dream, a test or an experience, and for some reason I came back.
I've struggled with it for the past year -- even felt angry because I didn't get to stay. I didn't get to remember it all -- still question it all sometimes -- to this day I still have quick memories -- remember things that I had forgotten I guess -- as my psyche told me -- who by the way has been very supportive. I lucked out and found a good one -- she told me that this is the same way that we believe in God but don't know for sure. I can continue to believe that it really did happen and someday when I meet him again I will ask him, "Remember in April 2001-- did that really happen?" Then I will know the answers for sure but in the meantime, I am going to have to live on this earth and try to keep myself from going crazy trying to remember all the answers -- who knows -- maybe I will keep remembering and by the time I go I will know.
Date NDE Occurred: 04/21/2001-06/2001
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness was hospitalized for pneumonia-sepsis-ards-put on life support for almost 2 months-doctors told my family they didn’t think I was going to make it -dr. told me it was a miracle that I was still here-thought he had lost me Life threatening event, but not clinical death The doctors had almost given up hopes that I would live --there was a lady in the hospital right before me with the same pneumonia that had died -- when they took me off the life support they called my family in to be there in case I didn't make it -- but I did.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I remember looking down on the nurses and doctor working on me. I remember feeling sorry for the nurse because the doctor was frantic and yelling at her. I felt sorry for the doctor because he was trying so hard to keep me alive.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In a coma.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I don't know if it was a tunnel or not when I was in the dark. I didn't know where I was. I don't think it really crossed my mind --but there was no light.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The first male in the dark I am convinced was the devil himself. He was so charismatic and sly. When I was in the light I sincerely believe it was God, that was the feeling that I was left with -- my worldly mind still struggles with it all but there is something in my brain my heart and my soul that believes it was all real. I don't remember seeing anyone else -- but I have a feeling inside that I did.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I already have. See main narrative.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Amazement, contentment, love for life and the afterlife.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Not that I remember. I do remember having the feeling that everything in my life was ok. I came back with a feeling that now I know God doesn't expect our lives to be perfect.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I came back with the sense that everything on earth is just a passing thing. We've experienced horrible wars, and many bad things happen in our world, but we should just keep on going because even with all the heartache and horrors they will pass and someday we will look back on this life like it were a dream, that none of it really happened. I'm not saying that we all can't make our own individual lives to be the best that they can be, and to do as much as we can to make life better for as many lives as we can touch while we are here, but don't take it all so serious every day -- the best is really yet to come.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal i was raised a catholic-have not really practiced the religion but it doesnt completely leave you-the last few years i had been questioning to my self if when we die do we really go somewhere else or do we just die ? I always believed in God but never believed in satan-i always believed that people did bad things because of their own weakness -i believe satan does exist now
What is your religion now? Liberal i am confused but since the experience i believe that God the almighty being really does exist-i believe that he is as much a part of the universe as the air & light-he is a part of all nature-i belive that satan does exist to play on our weakness-i dont really know if i will fit into any religious group now
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I think I have already covered the way I feel.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have never remembered many of my dreams. But when I have one I know it was a dream as soon as I wake up. I've taken medications before that gave me some real strange dreams and knew they were dreams -- the dreams would leave me. The first words that I said to my doctor when I woke up, was that I had been arguing with the devil. The doctor later asked me what I meant. I was afraid to tell him. I thought he would think I was brain damaged and not let me go home. For the past year, I kept remembering the experience every day, like it was haunting me, no matter how hard I tried to push it out of my mind. Dreams don't do that -- the experience left a feeling in my heart and soul that stays with me. I know that somewhere in my mind is a lot of knowledge that was put there when I was with God. I remember my mind feeling so clear, 'smart', knowing all, at ease with life and existence, like I was able to use all of my brain at once, just for a very brief taste -- he may have taken it away but I constantly feel there is something there that I have forgotten and I want it back so desperately. I know I am rambling again -- the experience left me knowing that our minds and souls are a part of the universe. I just thought of something. I wonder if when you are dying, and you let go of life, and all you have of your body that is left is your brain, and it empties out of all the worldly thoughts, maybe the brain changes.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain When I came home from the hospital every time I went to turn light switches and lamps on or off I would blow the light bulbs. It got so bad my daughter wouldn't let me touch the ones in her room. It went on for several months. I kept thinking it was something wrong with the power, or maybe the way I was walking. I read somewhere recently that someone else had the same problem after his or her NDE. This made me wonder if there was something to it -- my daughter didn't blow the lights. It doesn't happen anymore.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The experience of the afterlife and the knowledge that it really exists. The worst was that the Satan really exists. I never believed in the dirty rat before.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The psyches are convinced that I really did experience a wonderful phenomenon. They are trying to help me keep a balance in dealing with it and holding on to it yet not letting it drive me nuts. I told my sister, thinking that she would think I was nuts, or tell me that it was the drugs. She said that she could tell when I came home from the hospital that something had happened to me.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I guess you would call it post-traumatic stress or that is what the doctors call it. I think all it is, is the memories coming back one by one, not usually when I am trying to remember, but at times when I am not expecting one to just slip to the surface.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? As you can probably tell by now I feel like I have so much inside me that I could never tell it all. I don't even know how to put it all in to words. It does feel great to be able to let so much out -- the psychiatrists only give you 45 minutes. By the way, they did certify that I am not crazy. That was a real relief.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Just keep doing it. People who have been through NDEs need to talk and need to hear other people's accounts of what they experienced and, if it will give the science and religious sectors some insight on the experiences that would be wonderful. I think we would all like to know what happened to us.