I always felt like I didn't belong in this world. So one day, I took matters into my own hands. A few days before my attempt, I went to two separate stores so there would be no alarms or flags in the computer system. I bought two packages of pills. I 'chickened out' and took one pill to go asleep. A few days later, I took the remaining pills in a span about 5 minutes. Then I turned on my 'Pure Moods' CD and laid down to die. My breathing got progressively slower, until it stopped. Twice, my body kicked my heart back on. However, the third time, it did not. There was no light or pearly gates. I think this was probably because I was in some sort of purgatory. Even so, the peace I felt was like nothing I have ever experienced before or since. There, I got into a conversation with a male-voiced 'Entity.' In my opinion, it was God or an Angel. The Entity told me that it was not my time but that I could 'go' if I wanted to. I immediately told the Entity that I wanted to go. The Entity then mentioned how this would irreparably hurt my Mother. I quickly changed my mind and said that I would stay. Right after that, I woke up and started breathing again. I never had to go to the hospital and was even back at the gym a couple days later. A couple of notes: 1) I remember hearing some music in the background. I think it was coming from my CD player because my brain still had some 'juice' left in it. As soon as I chose to live and woke up, a new song started. Every time I play the song that was playing when I was conversing with the Entity, I have this amazing feeling of peace and tranquility. 2) I believe the Entity WANTED me to choose to live, but for the right reasons and not because I couldn't make it to Heaven if I killed myself.
Date NDE Occurred: 18 years ago
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)
I was dead.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Spiritual consciousness is much higher than human consciousness.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was dead.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Spiritual consciousness is much higher than human consciousness.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Spiritual consciousness is much higher than human consciousness.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm An unearthly peace.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, only peace.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life The Entity brought up how my mother would take it.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now believe. Actually, I KNOW God exists.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Spiritual but not religious
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now know I have to wait until God takes me. No matter how much I still want to 'go.'
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Just a voice, male in nature.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes The Entity...
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I couldn't have awoken from all those pills if God didn't 'pull the strings.'
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The peace I felt was Unearthly...
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes How suicide affects loved ones...
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes How suicide affects loved ones...
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? I now know I have to wait until God takes me, no matter how much I still want to 'go.'
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes A thought comes into my head and very soon after, it happens. This seems to happen more and more the older I get.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I now know I have to wait until God takes me, no matter how much I still want to 'go.'
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Best Friend and Mother
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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