I've had two experiences. The first was in 1984. I had smoked a lot of marijuana to the point where I laid down and passed out. I don't recall a lot of this experience, but here's what I do remember: I don't remember actually leaving my body, but I was in another realm or dimension that appeared dark. There was a very bright light. I knew this light to be God, the Source, and the Creator of all. I don't recall being in the light, but more like an observer from a distance. Everything about the universe and why we are here was downloaded or imprinted upon me. I understood everything about life.
It was if I had been living in a dark room and suddenly the lights came on. That's the best way I can describe it. I know that I observed a whole lot while I was there, but the only thing I can remember actually seeing were ‘souls’(for lack of a better term)separating from the Light and traveling to the earth to inhabit human bodies(earthly birth). There were also souls leaving their human bodies(earthly death)and returning to the Light. I didn't see them actually entering or leaving their earthly bodies. I just knew this to be true. They appeared as orbs of light. The best way to describe it is blips on a radar screen. There were hundreds, if not thousands moving in a constant stream out of the Light and into the Light. I knew as I watched this that we existed as part of the Light before we were born as humans. When I came to, I couldn't remember everything I learned there. It was as if trying to recall a movie you saw a year ago. You might remember the gist of it but you can't recall all of the details. I knew that the reason we are here is to love, to learn, to create and to grow. But mostly just to love. It's all about love.
The second experience was in 1990. My almost ninety-year-old grandmother had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks. Her body was shutting down and they didn't expect her live much longer. Early one morning while I was still asleep I suddenly was engulfed in an incredibly bright light. Even though it was extremely bright, there was still a darkness around it. I knew this Light to be God, the Source, and the Creator of all. There was an even brighter core to the Light, which was off to my left. I either couldn't turn to look at it or I just chose not to because right in front of me was my grandmother. She was staring directly at the center of the Light. I didn't make out a body. All I could see was her face. I didn't recognize her face because she looked to be about thirty years old. I just knew it was her. Her face was glowing and she was grinning from ear to ear. I don't know if she knew I was there or not, because she was in such awe of what she was experiencing. I was in awe also. The light enveloped and permeated every ounce of my being. I felt the indescribable love, peace and security that no earthly terms can explain. It felt like I was swaddled in an eternal security blanket. I could not feel any fear or have any negative thought whatsoever. It just didn't exist there. In fact-seeing my grandmother there- I knew she had passed on but it never occurred to me that she ‘died,’ because death would have had a negative connotation. I don't recall how long this had lasted because time had no meaning there.
The light started to dissipate and as it did, I slowly started to wake up and that's when I realized that my grandmother ‘died.’ I knew she was more alive than ever. I looked at the clock and it was 6:50 AM. I went back to sleep. I got up a while later still in awe of what happened. I was still living with my parents at the time and I just knew that when I walked into the room where they were that they were going to tell me she passed. Sure enough, that's what happened. I asked my mother what time she died and she said, ‘about ten to seven’. I think my jaw fell to the floor.
Date NDE Occurred: Two experiences- 1984 and 1990
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drug or medication overdose. First experience was drug induced-do not know if I died or not. Second experience- asleep
For the first experience I was high on marijuana to the point of passing out or going unconscious.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the whole experience.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was not aware of time. It lost all meaning.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. They were the same.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. They were the same.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes In the first experience I saw hundreds, if not thousands of ‘souls’ who had inhabited human beings and were returning to the Light. Many that were separating from the Light to inhabit humans. In the second experience, I encountered my grandmother. Also, a couple of days later I was reading the obituaries and the father of someone I knew had died the same day as my grandmother. At that moment I recalled seeing him in the Light at the same time I saw my grandmother.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes In the first experience I observed the Light which I knew to be God. In the second experience, I was immersed in the Light, which again I knew to be God.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm In the first experience I seemed to be surrounded by darkness although I could see an extremely bright light. In the second experience, I was engulfed in light but there appeared to be darkness around it. I knew I was in another realm or dimension.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Awe, love, peace, and security. There was no fear.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe With the first experience, I understood everything about life and the universe although; I didn't bring it all back with me. I didn't gain any of that knowledge with the second experience. Just love.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths First- Catholic Second- Fundamentalist Christian
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Firstly, I left Catholicism and became a Fundamentalist Christian. After the second, no. But after researching near death experiences over the years I've left Fundamentalism also and don't subscribe to any organized religion or faith.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated Don't subscribe to any particular faith or religion.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience First- I was Catholic and learning that we existed before we were born did not line up with that. In neither experience did I encounter Jesus who I had believed was the son of God. The only "being" I encountered was the Light which again I knew to be All That IS.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I encountered the Light, which is God.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes As stated above
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes First- I observed that we are all part of the Light. Second- I was immersed in the Light and felt as if I were part of it.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes First- I observed the Light which I knew to be God, the Source, the Creator of all. Second- I was immersed in the Light again which I knew to be God, the Source, the Creator of all.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I learned everything about life and our purpose, but don't recall most of what I learned.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes First- I understood that we are here to love, to grow, to create and learn. Second- no
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes First- I observed souls leaving and returning to the light. I KNEW at that time that we always existed. Second- I saw my grandmother and the father of someone I knew who had both "died" but they were there in the Light.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It's all about love
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I was raised Catholic but wasn't into my religion or spirituality. After my first experience, I had a great spiritual hunger and felt drawn toward God partly because I couldn't recall so much of that experience and I was trying to find the answers. I left the Catholic Church and became a Fundamentalist only because at that time that seemed to be the best thing I could find to satisfy my hunger. Over the years, I've been studying near death experiences and have since abandoned most of what I had believed in spiritually. After reading other's experiences, so many details of those have struck a chord with me as if I actually experienced many of those aspects in my first experience but couldn't recall. I feel more connected with ‘God’ now than ever.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The first experience is not really hard to express, but I can't recall much of it. The love and peace I felt when I was in the Light of the second experience is indescribable.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience Both experiences stand out more vividly than other things that happened around those times but with the first experience I came back not remembering a lot of what I learned there.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it was meaningful.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes With the first, I told one friend of mine who laughed it off and pretty much convinced me it was a drug hallucination. Because of that, I pretty much swept it under the rug. I never told anyone else. It was years after the second before I told anyone for fear that they wouldn't believe me. I wanted to tell my parents so badly the morning it happened but they had been upset that I had left Catholicism so religion and spirituality were very touchy subjects with them. I've since told a couple of people and it was well received.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain With the first experience, I had never heard of the subject prior and didn't realize it was even possible. Because of that, and the fact that the one person I told thought it was a drug induced hallucination, I pretty much let it go. By the time I had the second experience, I may have gotten information about them.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real For the first experience, again I was almost convinced it was a hallucination, but I knew that I definitely experienced something. For the second experience, I was in awe about it. I had no doubt that it really happened.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real In regards to the first, after researching near death experiences over the years, I now know that what happened to me was real. As for the second, I still know that it was real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No