Experience Description

I was born with a rare heart disease (Tricuspid Atresia). I was expected to be born still, but I survived and was born blue instead. When I was about four years old, I was old enough to go through an open-heart surgery to fix my heart. I was admitted early on that I may or may not live through the surgery (even though I was only four, my mother felt it would be best if I knew the truth right away).

I was sitting on the table in my surgical gown while my doctor was talking to my mother. After a few minutes, the doctor tried telling me (while my mother was crying) that he would put a mask over my face that would make me fall asleep right away, and I have to pick out a flavor. He put the mask over my face, the scent came to me, and I started counting backwards from one hundred, and fell backwards into the sleep.

I woke up after the surgery in a bed (I'm not good with medical terms, but it seemed as if I woke up in an incubator) there was a plastic dome all over my bed. I could feel the wires in my chest. I looked to my left, and then to my right, and realized I was in a waiting room of sorts, and I started crying. (But yet, I wasn't. You can call it a Kundalini experience. I was crying, but I had no idea why. I wasn't afraid, nor was I in pain, and I had no control over myself. I literally lay there wondering 'Why am I crying?') Two nurses rushed to my bedside, one checking me and the other putting the mask back on me once again.

Next, I wake up in a normal children's hospital room. I am looking towards the corner of the room, when suddenly it seems as if I am getting closer to the ceiling. Eventually I realize I am, and I start to see a glowing light appear right in front of me. It starts of small, but grows bigger and brighter the closer I get. Before fully submerged in the glowing essence, I could tell something was going on in the room, but I was not sure of what.

The white, warm glow surrounds me. It is the purest white light you could ever see, glowing all around you. I felt so comfortable, and so undoubtedly happy. I knew what was going on, I knew it as a fact, not assuming. I was dead. It felt like a long time before I was spoken to. It was not verbally, nor did I see anyone/anything else around me. I was being spoken to from within my own heart. It is hard to describe without sounding like I am making a conversation with myself, but that's what it was. It was like my inner conscience was talking to me. It asked 'Are you ready to come home?' I knew it meant death. I thought about it, I really did, I thought so hard and for what seemed like hours, I contemplated. Do I really want to die? This was the greatest feeling I had ever experienced, do I want this feeling to end? My answer was 'no'. I wanted to live a life. As soon as I answered 'no' (which was not done verbally, I doubt I even had anything like a body at the time) I was immediately hit with, well, intuitions of the future. My mother and I would never be as close as we were then, I would find a man I'd truly love and have two kids, but it would be hard and difficult, but eventually, I would be at peace, love, and happiness. Again, the inner conscience 'spoke', and asked 'Are you sure?' Again, I contemplated for what seemed like hours, now having this new level of understanding. (Could my mother and me really never stay as close as we were? Would I really get the chance to have kids, despite my heart?). I chose 'Yes'.

My journey was the same, just backwards. This time I could hear doctors and nurses talking, and machines going crazy. I looked behind and could see my own body lying there cold, with the others cluttered all around me furiously trying to revive me. I look back up towards the ceiling again, and 'close my eyes' once I reached my body, and never woke up until morning.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1993

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Surgery was life threatening, basically died on the operating table.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The light began it, but as soon as I was spoken to was when I reached the highest.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It seemed like a long time, yet no time at all. I was only four, though, too, so that may give fault on my end.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was able to see the brightness without discomfort. Though the glow was white, it was not white - so hard to explain really.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the experience I didn't even hear anything.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No No tunnel, just 'floated' towards a white light that brightened and broadened.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I was talked to from within. After it happened, and when I learned religion, I thought it to be of God. I personally feel it to be more of an inner conscience 'talking' to me. But I never saw anyone/thing else.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Incredibly bright, and white - yet not white, hard to describe - it was so warm and so beautiful.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No Just white light.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Uttermost happiness. So joyful, it is hard to think I passed it down at times.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Yes, as soon as I answered, I had intuitions of future events. Everything that had come to me has come true.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal None

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No I was raised without religion, and though I have claimed it to be God talking to me, I feel it is not and hold no religion.

What is your religion now? Liberal None

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No I was raised without religion, and though I have claimed it to be God talking to me, I feel it is not and hold no religion.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I had intuitions of future events.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Almost immediately after, I and my mother started to fall apart. I almost immediately realized what every kid has to go through, your parent is not a superhero; they are not the end all and be all. The NDE helped me to realize there is more beyond and past her.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There is nothing that could ever fully explain how I was talked to. It was not me, and it came from my chest area, my heart. The words were formed and understood there. It is so hard to explain, it is the most unique and unforgettable things about the whole experience. The white, glowing light is also hard to explain. It was warm, bright, and white but yet comfortable and sending out nothing but love and warmth.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Since then I can have intuitions about the future. Such as with my significant other. The first time we ever hugged each other, it felt like an hour passed, and within that hour I 'knew' we would have a really hard separation, and then we will become extremely close and will marry. The separation has happened, we are engaged. That is just one example.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The conversation especially, but the whole experience is extremely meaningful to me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I do not remember when or who I first told, but I do know I didn't tell anyone for a while. I doubted anyone would believe me (I never knew of NDE till a while later).

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was definitely real, no doubt about it. The feeling, emotions, and everything was all too real to be anything else.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was definitely real, no doubt about it. The feeling, emotions, and everything was all too real to be anything else.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Not that I can say.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? It's set up pretty good as it is.