Suddenly there is an explosion in my head, a large, overwhelming sea of light. It is so intensely bright that my eyes close, but it doesn't help. The bright light comes through my eyelids and becomes a much brighter ball. It shoots upwards in an ever-smaller ray of light that stays there on the horizon. It leaves a large circle of light where my body is. I am sucked into this bright ray of light, and I leave everything, including my body, behind. I don't know where I am. I do know that my body is lying on the ground, and that the back of my head is up to my ears in concrete. It's like the concrete is quicksand, or maybe the back of my head is - I don't know. There is an enormous pressure in the back of my head right up to somewhere behind my nose. It feels like I have developed a cold. There are voices around me. They call my name all the time. It annoys me, and I want them to leave me alone. I want silence around me. Repeatedly they call my name. I don't want it. I want peace. I want out. While I have these thoughts, I'm being sucked in further. Slowly I float upwards into the beam of light, which is getting narrower and brighter. My eyes and body are drawn towards it, and I let myself go completely. I'm moving in an infinite oasis of peace and safety. I'm floating slowly through a space of intense peacefulness, in a soft color of grey/green. It embraces me. I'm part of it. I'm one with it. The voices are fading. I hear them in the background, but they don't reach me. About halfway I reach other surroundings, where the soft grey/green color becomes bright, light grey. It's more beautiful than where I was before. At this point, I stop. I see an almost invisible boundary between the spot where I am and where the beautiful, bright light begins. I'm at the end and at the beginning. The doorway looks inviting. With a start, I realize that it's up to me now. But is it? I'm already here. My whole being is soaked with it, absorbed by it, and the door gives access to an even more beautiful being. An unprecedented feeling of peace and quiet descends upon me. There is a feeling of freedom, an overwhelming feeling of longing for the light, the peace and quiet, and the beautiful. Without any doubt, I want to be there! It draws and draws, and it feels unprecedentedly good. I am home. I have no doubts, or fear and no resistance whatsoever. 'Mamma, mamma, I'm here with you.' It is a soft voice. I feel something touching my hand. Soft fingers pick it up and hold it tenderly, and soft, cool fingers caress the upper side of my hand lovingly. 'Mamma, I'm here with you.' A sweet voice keeps repeating that sentence, and the soft fingers keep caressing my hand. In despair and reluctantly, I feel that I am being pulled downwards, away from the light, towards the voice that keeps talking to me, towards the hands holding my hand and caressing it. I realize much later, that the voice and the hands belong to my daughter. I talk to her from a distance, but she can't hear me of course. I tell her that I don't want this, that I am so very tired and want to go to the light. I tell her that I'm home and want to stay there, and that she has to let go and let me go. She stops calling and caressing, and like an arrow I shoot upwards, not floating like the first time. I shoot to the light, that light-grey spot, and I stop there. The door is still open, but I seem to be hesitating, although the same longing overwhelms me even more intensely. 'Mamma, mamma! I'm here with you, Mamma!' the same voice calls. Again, that caressing hand on my hand. I fall down again and feel the resistance that goes with that. I can't and I won't! I start to panic. All of a sudden, there is another voice, a voice that is angry, snarling and irritated, or is it worried? It doesn't sound like that, not really - or does it? 'Keep your hands off your mother! Leave her alone! Stay away from her!' At that moment, I detect no understanding towards my daughter in that voice. After a while, I realize it's my husband's voice, and I feel an angry indignation. I hear my daughter go on at my husband about her fear, about what she is trying to do. But she has to go. She lets go of me, and I hear her crying and shouting that she's going to call 911. From a distance, I tell her, 'Well done, sweetie. Very good.' But again she can't hear me. I want to go after her. I feel her panic, her pain for being sent away and her fear, because she doesn't know what's wrong. With a crying heart, I have to let her go. I can't react. As soon as I don't feel her hands or hear her voice any more, I shoot upwards again away from where I was. But I don't get far this time. The door seems to retreat as I try to get closer, further and further away.
Date NDE Occurred: 20 December 2006
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident. Direct head injury 'Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening'
At the time of my experience it wasn't clear whether the situation was life threatening. An ambulance took me to the hospital, and after various photos and scans the doctors found that my life was not in danger.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While I have these thoughts, I'm being sucked in further. Slowly I float upwards into the beam of light, which is getting narrower and brighter. My eyes and body are drawn towards it, and I let myself go completely. I'm moving in an infinite oasis of peace and safety. I'm floating slowly through a space of intense peacefulness, in a soft color of grey/green. It embraces me. I'm part of it. I'm one with it.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time here.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. All was one
What emotions did you feel during the experience? An unprecedented feeling of peace and quiet descends upon me. There is a feeling of freedom, an overwhelming feeling of longing for the light, the peace and quiet, and the beautiful. I am home. I have no doubts, or fear and no resistance whatsoever.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I got the feeling that everything was right, that all the pieces of the puzzle fitted, and that I was ready to go. The door was open.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I divorced my husband, partly because of my experience.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I couldn't believe what I had experienced, although I knew right away that it was an NDE. I felt an incredible fear that it would go away if I ever talked about it. I felt pain, longing and shame because I wanted so much to stay there, a thousand times more than having to come back.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The next morning I wanted to share the experience with my husband, but his reaction was touchy and irritated. I talked to my daughter about it because she was there, although how long after the experience I can't remember. I also told my best friend. I can't remember her first reaction, but it felt good to tell her, although I found it difficult.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I know that because I was at that door three times in a row. I felt it in every fiber and every pore of my being.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real The more I read about it, because I wanted to know, the more I become convinced that my experience was real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I have tried to put it in words, although it is almost impossible. It is difficult to be back in my body and my life, even though the experience is an enrichment. Dying isn't all that bad. After your life, you can rest in infinite peace and happiness.
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