When I was ten, my family used to spend our summers up at Lake Phips. It was a wonderful time of my youth. I was wild and I couldn't swim yet. We were at the dock and I told my father I was going to jump in. He told me not to do it. I laughed and did anyway. I sunk like a stone and just stayed sitting at the bottom in all kinds of weeds in pitch-dark water. I was there for five minutes or so. It was the most at peace I ever felt. Who would think drowning would not be traumatic, at least in my experience. I was out of my body. I guess it was weird. I saw myself through the murky water. It's hard to explain, but my mind was just floating around with no body. I saw a very bright white light that started to expand very rapidly. At that moment, my older brother, Ray, jumped in the water and saved me. It was a miracle because as I said you could not see your hand in front of your face. The first thing I said to him when we got on the dock was, 'Why did you save me?' He grinned at me. We still laugh about it once in a while today.
The next time I was forty-one. It was a black time in my life; something I'm not proud of and would not recommend it to anyone. I tried to take my own life. I was despondent over a girl. One night I was in extreme pain, more than I could bear in my heart. I had been drinking and to ease my pain I took pills. I was weak and am ashamed of myself for doing this over a person who wasn't what she seemed. I would never consider it again unless maybe I was to become homeless. Anyway, I digress.
After the pills, I encountered a person in a long white robe, white long hair and beard [don't laugh he reminded me of the wizard in lord of the rings, the good one]. I asked him if he was God. He laughed and said we were friends that we knew each other. I then went into a space, hard to explain. Again, I had no body.
I was with a presence who communicated telepathically. I talked to my deceased little brother. I got loud with him. We argued. I was mad at him for leaving us (selfish on my part). So, they separated us. Gandalf laughing aloud said to me that I could go back. I told him I didn't want to, that people were not nice. He said that was what I was there for anyways. I tried to enter this kingdom or whatever it was. There was a huge gate. Everything was kind of an off-white color (that's what my mind perceived). I was running near the gate and some beings were trying to stop me. I threw a few down, apologized profusely, and started to jump over. I was then pinned to the ground with a power of such that I could not move. Just then, my guardian angel came to me.
He saved me once in bar brawl when I was jumped by over forty people. It was the only time I was ever in fear of my life. I was underneath a pile of people. He jumped on me told me he would take the blows and to leave. I said I owed him one. He smiled. He was a big kid, like me, with a marine haircut. Anyhow, I crawled out from under the pile. Like a three stooges sketch, nobody noticed me. I slipped out (I was wild as I said before when I was younger. Bars, women, and fights. I have since mellowed.) The next day I told my brother's friends about the bouncer that saved me. They asked around. No such person worked there. My angel had a staff shirt on so I think he was my guardian.
Back to the pearly gates. He came to me and I said, 'Hey man, you got wings!' He smiled at me. I asked him what was pinning me and that it was really tough. He told me not to look at it but I did for a second. I had to turn away. He was fearsome, had a few faces some kind of lion, eagle, and such. My feeling was that it was the guard to the entrance of heaven. I told my winged buddy about the emotional problem I had. He understood, but they said I had to go back. I cried like a baby and begged to stay. I noticed my friend had a tear in his eye. Next thing I was back in my body, twitching. I remember Gandalf said that I would remember a little but wouldn't be sure. So I think it might have been a dream but what are dreams anyway, but out of body journeys?
I called in to work the next day, recuperated and am over my pain. It has made me a better person. Next time if I fall in love, hopefully it will be with an honest person. I did go to therapy for an unrelated issue and I asked the guy if someone could overdose on a bottle of pills. He said 'definitely.' I'm a big guy with a huge tolerance but maybe it wasn't a dream. I guess I'll find out when it's my time. Thanks, for letting me ramble it helps people when they write out their feelings sometimes, it's been therapeutic for me. God bless us everyone (as Tiny Tim would say laughing aloud). Remember be kind to everyone we never know when we entertain angels.
P.S. It was hard for me to admit that I was devastated over a woman. I grew up in a very rough but fun neighborhood with football, all that macho stuff but even the hardest people have a vulnerable side. Be careful whom you open up to. There are many duplicitous people out there. But if you've been hurt don't give up. There are kind people around, just tread slowly. My advice for myself, those who care be good.
Date NDE Occurred: I can't remember dates times irrelevant in my opinion
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Suicide attempt 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death'
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness Hard to remember.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Hard to remember.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Met my deceased brother my guardian and a white robed wise white haired and bearded humorous being.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, amazement, sadness.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal brought up catholic thought of myself as a Christian
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes We get drilled with the idea growing up that suicides go to hell, wrong bullshit, you might jump from the frying pan, and the grass is always greener on the other side.
What is your religion now? Liberal same as above as below
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes We get drilled with the idea growing up that suicides go to hell, wrong bullshit, you might jump from the frying pan, and the grass is always greener on the other side.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I'm trying not to hate people that wronged me. I'm grateful for life, shelter, family, health, and trying to be congenial to everyone even when I'm on the rag.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All were significant.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A few days after I told my boss not all the details just the beginning. I told my mom a month later and also my best friend at the time.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I explained in my story above.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Believed it happened. When I think about it I get both sad and happy but who knows could have been I dream.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Hard to express my feeling but it happened for a reason I think.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Eat drink and be merry and the bushes should rot in hell.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No wonderfully done but a few questions are rhetoric.