I attempted suicide when I was twenty-four years old. On the way to the hospital, I died in the back of the ambulance. I was kept going by artificial respiration. The doctor told me I was dead for about three minutes. That experience I kept to myself for almost thirty years. While dead, I spoke to someone who told me to go back, that it was not my time. I was told to be patient because there was a need for me. I was also told not to try suicide again because I would not be successful. So I waited from age twenty-four to age fifty-two and nothing.
Then I have a heart attack of all things! I'm not overweight and I was very active but still I had a heart attack. Within two weeks of diagnosis, I was undergoing open-heart surgery. Leading up to the surgery I just wanted to die because the pain I endure on a daily basis from my injuries drives me crazy. Death seemed like a welcome relief from what I was going through, but that experience as a young man still haunted me. I wanted to know if God would consider it suicide if a person refused lifesaving surgery and let themselves die instead. At first, the doctors thought I was crazy and asked a shrink to come see me. The psychologist soon realized I wasn't crazy, just tired of life. He asked the preacher to come see me and I asked the preacher the same question. He couldn't answer me either. So I decided the only way to get the answer was to go through the operation and ask my question on the other side.
Question from NDERF reader:
'I was very interested in a NDE on your archives page (John R NDE 5231) Number 2735. He mentions wondering if refusing lifesaving surgery is considered the same as suicide in the next life as he was told not to attempt suicide during an NDE and he says he decides to ask this question during lifesaving surgery. What was the answer he received?
The answer is kind of murky. I never really asked if refusing live-saving surgery was good or bad while on the other side, but you must understand that the other side is very different from this thing we call reality and besides, we had all types of far more important things to talk about. When your soul or whatever you want to call it is on the other side, things like suicide and money worries etc. are so trivial as to be not thought about. They are concerns of this world. I can also say there is no short cut from this side to the other. We are each here for a specific reason and to learn specific things. If that learning process called life is interrupted by something like murder, which is the random act of another, then we will probably have to come back again to complete that lesson, unless the murder was planned into the life for the learning experience. All I know is that I was told not to attempt it, because I would not be successful, but that was when I was twenty-four years old (about 1979). For the rest of my personal life I'm going to treat suicide as a no go. What I do know is that you have to pay for your decisions on this side when you get to the other side and suicide is not a load I would want to carry over to the other side. In essence, it's your call but the action carries consequences.
Date NDE Occurred: 'June 17, 2008'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I underwent open heart surgery. I call it hypothermic surgery. They lowered my body core temperature to around 90F while my heart and lung functions are stopped. My blood was artificially oxygenated and pumped by a machine during the surgery. I was in this state for over two hours. The surgery lasted many more hours than that.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As soon as they switched me over to life support.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? As soon as they switched me over to life support.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. As I said, on the other side we exist as energy.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Things were communicated both telepathically and verbally.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My mentor.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I went from my body to above my body looking down. This lasted very briefly then I was through a light and talking with my mentor or teacher (like I said things don't always translate into human speak all that well).
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Pure peace.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I am very glad that I was told that I won't be here when the real problems start.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I was kept in a kind of waiting room for lack of a better explanation. It's where they keep spirits of people who are not going to cross over but have come to the other side during human operations and such. (Open heart surgery etc.)
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate none
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate united church of Canada
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The fate of humankind.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Things don't translate from that place to here very well.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes The one at the age of twenty-four.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real After I woke up from the anesthetic I spoke to my wife and she told me that the doctors couldn't warm my body up after the operation. I immediately told her that was the time that I was deciding whether to come back or not.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real After I came back from my experience I predicted that the Dow Jones would hit 6500 when it was still above 12000. It finally bottomed out at 6593. My prediction was in July 2008.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I was asked to watch mankind for the remainder of my life. For what purpose I don't know but I do know that I will have to 'report' when I die.