In June of 1998, I suffered from a very extreme bout of clinical depression that was associated with withdrawal from the drug Valium. This depression lead me to ingest a potentially lethal dose of the drug flecainide in a suicide attempt, and as a result, I was taken to the emergency room at my local hospital. I was without a pulse or and respirations were absent for approximately eighty minutes. However, during this time I received oxygen via cardio pulmonary resuscitation (CPR). I underwent emergency surgery to insert cannul' for cardiac bypass, and subsequently spent fourteen days in the cardio-thoracic intensive care unit.
At one point, I became aware that I was no longer experiencing pain, or any physical sensation, and that time appeared to stand still. It was as if time stopped, and so too did all the physical pain and suffering that I had been experiencing. Visually, I became aware that my focus had suddenly split into two, as if I were seeing one picture but that this picture was out of focus and could be seen twice. It was as if I was staring at the same picture reflected twice, like looking into two mirrors. This state was noticeably still, and calm.
Suddenly, the motion recommenced, and I was once again conscious of physical sensation. Shortly after, I found myself speaking to my mother in the intensive care unit. My mother then told me that I had suffered a cardiac arrest as a result of taking my cardiac medication and that I was in hospital.
Date NDE Occurred: July 10, 1998
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death Cardiac arrest.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
Did you feel separated from your body? No
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I believe that I was physically dead, however I do remember the experience very well, and very clearly.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There appeared to be no time, wherever this episode took place.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist Catholic
What is your religion now? Liberal Buddhist
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I no longer believe in God. However, I do believe that I was in a space between bodies, where my mind was present only.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There was no clarity, unusual shapes only, and experiences that are difficult to put into words.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Just knowing that it took place, and that there is another dimension beyond the physical.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Nothing specific. People appear to be disappointed that I did not see a tunnel, of my deceased relatives.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I have practiced meditation for the last few years, and this enables me to recollect the stillness and the tranquility of the NDE.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It appears to be most unlike other NDEs.