After I was stabbed, my sister drove me to the hospital, which is located a little over a mile from where it happened. The whole time she was screaming at me not to die. I was coughing up blood, but trying to remain calm. I could feel my body starting to shut down with my arms and legs feeling very numb. As the energy left my body, I looked up to see the traffic lights that marked the entrance to the hospital emergency room. They seemed so far away. I remember telling my sister, ‘I'm not going to die, but you better hurry, Connie.’ I leaned forward and laid my head on my arm; the index and middle fingers of my right hand where inserted into the wound. The warmth of my blood felt good against my cold skin and I asked myself, ‘So, this is it?’ My sister's screams where the last conscious sounds I remember.
I closed my eyes and prepared myself for whatever was coming. My faith taught me that there would be a bright light and peace. I guess that's what I waited for. Instead, I seemed to focus on the little lights you see whenever you close your eyes real hard. At first, they were moving around really fast, but then they began to slow down and become fewer and fewer, until there were only one left.
As this single pinpoint of light bounced around my field of vision, it left a trail that seemed to build upon itself and create geometric or web-like patterns. In my mind, these shapes were two-dimensional, but they seemed to grow in size and intensity until they became three-dimensional. I reached out to see if I could touch these shapes. Behind what I saw grew a yellowish-brown light that had a feeling of its own. It seemed to beckon to me and was very soothing. At that point, I was not afraid.
I felt myself move through the patterns left by the light, almost as you would walking through a cobweb-infested house/room, but I never felt any sensation of being touched. The movement sensations increased until I was traveling at incredible speeds! I'm reminded of pictures of astronaut training when they are in a large centrifuge. But, I was moving through something. I can't say if it was a tunnel, or tube, or large open space, but I was just MOVING!
I could hear voices saying to me to ‘Remember’ and ‘You have to let them know’ and ‘You are being shown.’ There seemed to be many voices coming from different sources, but the underlying message was to pay attention to what I was going to see, and I was supposed to remember. ‘DO NOT FORGET!’ I began to think about my life, and I wondered if it was going to be like my auntie used to tell me that our lives would be played back and we would be judged accordingly. But as I was thinking about it, I could SEE all of the things I did throughout my life just as they happened but faster; showing the good, the bad, and the ugly. Everything I was proud of and every dirty little secret I kept hidden from everybody. But, there it was, only this time I felt remorse, fear, and shame for my indiscretions. I could understand very clearly that we all have negative things in our past, but became aware that we must account for all that we do.
I could see people below me at what felt like another level. I didn't feel as though I was floating above them, but just that I was at a higher viewing position, but my feet rested on air. I could see thousands and thousands, if not millions of people moving about aimlessly. Each person emitted strong feelings of foreboding, pain, and fear. ‘These are the lost,’ a voice told me. Then, as though it was reading my mind, ‘This IS real.’ I began to feel afraid. But even my fear paled compared to what I felt coming from the people. ‘What is waiting for me?’ I wondered.
I could feel my intoxication level increase. ‘Drunker than you can ever imagine!’ I was out of control. I wanted something, someone, to hold onto. I could hear laughing and giggling that seemed almost child-like, but it carried an air of seduction. As though it wanted me to think it was something it wasn't, but my drunkenness controlled my inhibitions. I felt a form come towards me that was not male or female; young or old; living or dead. I felt like it was mocking me each time it laughed.
It made me mad, but at the same time I was overcome with a strong desire to have sex with this being. Again it laughed. ‘You fucking bitch!’ It came closer. I began to caress it and kiss it. I felt even drunker, even more out of control. My mind was telling me this was ALL wrong. Not everything I had been taught to be good and right was now making any sense. When I looked down at the being I was REALLY SCARED!!!! My strong sexual desire was taking control even though I felt everything was wrong about this ‘person’. Wrong age (it appeared very young - childish), wrong sex (I'm heterosexual), and wrong morally (it exuded evil). It seemed to feel my apprehension.
As it lay down and began spreading its legs, it began to grow into a woman. Like none I had never seen! Very seductive and beautiful. She pulled me down with tremendous strength and kissed me hard on my neck and shoulder. Again she laughed! This time it was VERY intentional. I could feel the pain begin to return to my chest. I looked down. There was blood everywhere! The being began to bath in it! I felt something grab me. ‘Get out of here!’, ‘What are you doing here? People tugging and pulling on me surrounded me. ‘Why are you here?’ I looked down and the woman was gone. In her place was a little girl who sat up and smiled at me. I felt like I was in real trouble; that I had done something wrong. Was I evil? The blood continued to flow. I frantically looked around for help. There was none. The people began pushing me away and yelling at me, ‘Remember to tell them.’
‘He's conscious!’ was the next thing I heard. ‘What your name?’, ‘What's your social security number?’ ‘How where you stabbed?’, ‘Do you know the person who stabbed you?’ The questions seemed endless. But, I was alive! This is how my new life began.
Date NDE Occurred: October 11, 1998
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack Clinical death I was stabbed in the upper, left chest that punctured my lung and cut my pulmonary vein.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I never saw myself from the outside, but I did not feel as though I were still in my body.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Very Alert!
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I have always wondered how long I was gone. From the time I passed out to the emergency room could not have been more than a couple of minutes, but it seemed as though I was out for a long time. Hours?
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Not with my ears. I felt a lot of noises. They were more telepathic.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I moved through something, although it did not feel tunnel-like.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Yellowish-brown.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Not beautiful.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, then tremendous FEAR!
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Biological life is NOT the only consciousness. There is another side and we will be held accountable for all that we do during our time here. Heaven, or whatever you choose to call it, does exist and is real. So is HELL (or whatever you choose to call it).
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was told to ‘remember'. At the time, I didn't know why. That could have been the decision to return me.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate American Baptist
What is your religion now? Moderate American Baptist
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have since gone into recovery for alcoholism (4 years of sobriety) and have completed the course work necessary to obtain my Master of Arts in Teaching.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have become VERY sensitive to people who feel ‘lost’. I am often asked to speak with young people about the decisions they make now and the afterlife. Many have expressed that I say things that I could not have possibly known about them. I didn't do this before.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Best - becoming free from my addictions to be a good husband and father. Worst - all of the physical consequences: diminished lung capacity, weight gain.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Very supportive. I have yet to meet anyone tell me I'm ‘full of beans’.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It is strange how I had to die in order to learn how to live. I guess I wasn't paying attention my first time around.