On the day of the near death experience I had just gotten into bed for the evening. My husband stood in the bathroom brushing his teeth, preparing to retire to bed. Suddenly a huge wave of nausea rose in me, I began to vomit, and the world went dark.
When I recovered consciousness, I was only vaguely aware of moving out of a dim corridor and becoming nestled inside of a brilliant white light.
As my awareness increased, it became apparent that this white light was a ‘knowing’ light. It seemed to be in love with me, amused at me, and intimately knowledgeable of every nuance of my being.
'Holy smokes!' I thought, 'What in the world is going on?' Okay. Admittedly, I cleaned up the thought for you. Imagine my absolute puzzlement when one minute I’m lying down in my bed, the next minute I am floating around inside of a beautiful, aware white light.
It was 1983. Out of bodies and near death experiences were not in my vernacular. Three times within the last eight months, I had found myself hovering by the ceiling as I watched myself sleep. Now here I am, cushioned within this white light. Suddenly it hit me with a grave certainty. 'Oh my gosh, I am dead.' It seemed impossible. I was thirty-five years old. Yet I knew it was true.
Things began to happen very rapidly at that point. Time became simultaneous so that I was able to experience a number of strings of events at the same time. It would be impossible to relay it all but here are some of the highlights.
Perhaps the most striking initial realization was the absolute AWE, ecstasy and peace that I felt. Never had I imagined that such a feeling of perfection, balance and love existed. It is indescribable, as language is too small to contain an adequate description. In the feeblest of attempts, imagine that absolute peak orgasmic moment when you want to sing out because the pleasure is so intense, almost too intense to bear. Every part of your being dances with joy. Now stretch that moment of ecstasy out so that every moment is equally filled with love, ultimate pleasure and an absolute sense of the perfection of all.
As I rejoiced in this poetic sensation that the Light was emanating, a channel of communication was occurring. There was no physical voice. Light and I were exchanging thoughts. Not just thoughts, but thoughts that were accompanied by a full range of emotion and depth. It was as if I was experiencing what Light was relaying to me, just as if it had been me having the thought. There was no room for miscommunication because I experienced Light’s information directly. Again, it is difficult to explain. It was a telepathic communion. That is the best I can do.
In one strand, I was aware that Light knew me better than I knew myself. Despite any of my foibles, eccentricities, poor decisions and plain old humanness, it loved me to the core. It found the seriousness with which I viewed myself amusing. It seemed to be certain that in the end, all of my problems, hurts, inflicted hurts, and my life in general would be redemptive in the sense that it would ultimately end in love.
In another strand of thought, it seemed as if huge amounts of information about the true nature of reality were being introduced. My mind kept seeing, and attempting to absorb, data that was contained on scrolls. A scroll would unroll and the data implant itself in me. Some of it I could comprehend. Much of it was totally above my head, gibberish. What was clear to me was the overriding message that humans, as units of consciousness, are capable of experiencing reality in ways far beyond what we typically do.
As the data flowed into me, I was stunned and completely intrigued with what little of it I could understand. I could not wait to dive in and begin to unravel the information. A huge sense of purpose and contentment filled me up. Death wasn’t such a bad thing after all! Cool
Just as I was settling in to my new state of being, an actual voice, deep and male, spoke. 'Do you want to go back?' it asked.
Back, I thought. Back to physical existence? No, overwhelmingly no, I do not want to leave. Those were my immediate thoughts.
As strange as it sounds, the idea of leaving this most joyful realm was incomprehensible. Even though I had a wonderful life with two children and a cherished husband, the thought of being torn away from this absolute perfection was in no way enticing. The voice said, 'If you want to go back, concentrate on that sound.'
Sound, I thought. What sound? Curiosity got the best of me and I attempted to locate the sound. As my concentration shifted away from my environment, I heard a faint voice saying my name. It sounded like it was coming from the far end of a very long tunnel. Straining to hear the noise, I suddenly realized that it was my husband Ed. He was calling for me. I felt an emotional pull towards him, and as quickly as the blink of an eye, I was whisked back to my body.
Date NDE Occurred: September, 1983
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Illness. Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening
I was fainting, vomiting, and had a seizure which could have been life threatening. This happens to me periodically but this was the only instance of a NDE.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal After arriving into the Light, I was attuned to every thought and nuance in a very direct way; direct cognition. Also, there were a number of strands of events happening simultaneously and I was easily able to balance them all and be 100% within each strand of experience.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? After arriving into the Light, I was attuned to every thought and nuance in a very direct way; direct cognition. Also, there were a number of strands of events happening simultaneously and I was easily able to balance them all and be 100% within each strand of experience.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time seemed different because I could experience and absorb lots of data simultaneously and in practically no time at all.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was mildly diminished only because other sensations were so intense as to make vision less emphasized.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing was the same but a lot, or most, of the information received was in the form of telepathy or direct cognition.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes There was a vague memory of passing through a white tunnel or corridor but it was more of an after-thought immediately upon becoming aware of the Light.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A white, brilliant, encompassing, all-knowing, kind, loving and compassionate Light embraced me and shared some of itself with me.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was just being enveloped in the White Light.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt awe, love, peace, balance, perfection, humor, and curiosity.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Scrolls of data about the true nature of reality and consciousness kept presenting themselves to me.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic No particular religious or spiritual inclination.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Now I meditate, read, and practice love.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths No tie to any religious organization. I am extremely spiritual and routinely meditate and commune with the creative force.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was bereft of spirituality, having studied different religious beliefs that left me feeling empty. Therefore I believed in nothing. After the NDE I was filled with wonder about life and its spiritual basis.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify All of the experience and knowledge introduced during the experience was via telepathy, until an actual deep male voice began to ask me if I wanted to go back to my life.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Only in knowing that I had been to this area many times before. It felt like my true home and I felt, to my surprise, so glad to be back.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Part of the scroll knowledge confirmed the basic energy behind all forms of energy is Love. All energy emanates from the base energy of Love.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The white light was a supreme, all-knowing being.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Honestly it has taken me decades to sort through the 'code' from those scrolls. I have learned to consult with dreams, OBEs, and other arenas of ESP to receive guidance and insight into my best courses of action.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was aware of having been in this particular realm before, many times.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I was introduced to a wealth of information regarding the human need to ideally recontact inner senses and knowledge contained within the psyche, dreams, and a host of other potentials.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes See number 35
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I feel deeper love as I understand love more.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words are inadequate to contain the experience. It cannot be captured by secondhand language.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I do OBEs, receive insight from dreams, often have precognitive or clairvoyant experiences, and have occasionally helped souls to the Light, or found myself in an OBE or in dreams training people who are preparing to die.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it immediately. Their reactions were to be fascinated.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No