I had been struggling to breathe for about 24 hours. I remember pushing myself to breathe or I thought I couldn't breathe any more. My body was filling with fluid and I thought I was a balloon ready to pop. When I arrived at the emergency room, they hustled me through a process of life saving measures and got me to the critical care unit. My doctor arrived and I told him I couldn't breathe anymore. He said I was just panicking and I should try to relax. I breathed out and remember hearing a song I loved singing in my head 'Surely the presence of God is in this place' then I heard the Code Blue called to my room. I was above the bed watching people working on me and someone, a being, was at my side. I was peaceful and said to the being, 'I'm so glad they are putting me on those machines, I couldn't breathe anymore.'
I felt light and bodiless, and the peaceful being steered me to another place. It was light and awesome; I rested there for a long time, although really there was no sense of time. I guess I rested there until I felt like participating in conversation. I noticed I had no body, but felt perfectly warmed and there was a sense of love and peace rushing through me, like blood in veins - but I had no veins and nothing to 'feel' with. I started wondering where I was and looked outside my light pod. The pod had no inside or outside. For the sake of description, I will say pod, but I don't know what to call it. I saw others just exactly like me, and a great light pod in the center of all of us, millions of us, floating in the otherwise dark void with a pure golden light connecting each of us to the center pod. The golden thread of light was like an umbilical cord although it had no real form but just light, and it was delivering the peace and love of the center being.
The center being was so beautiful I could gaze on it forever, although I had no eyes. I was happy and totally contented. I remember thinking there are other light pods closer than I was and others doing beyond me a long ways. But I felt it was exactly where I belonged and it was perfect. I felt the presence of my father's pod, but only in that it came through the center pod to give me love. I heard his voice say my name, but of course, I only heard it in my mind. He had died two years earlier.
In a space, not sure it was time, a warm and loving voice asked me if I wanted to stay or return to my life. I had my choice. I knew the minute the voice asked me I should return, but I really didn't want to. I said (without a voice) 'I know by the question I must return.' It said, 'Why?' I said. 'I haven't finished the work I was born to do, and I should finish it.' The voice said 'It may be painful,' and I replied 'I can do the pain if I do what you have asked me to do.'
When I returned to my body I spent what I now believe was a day trapped in the coma body trying to reach the surface. I heard everything going on, and remember every detail of what people said. While I haven't experienced much physical pain, the emotional pain has been harsh, but the gift of love and peace has not left me and I feel I am going to be fine no matter what. My life after that has been charmed, in God's hands.
Date NDE Occurred: 09/19 to 29th 2001
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Pulmonary hypertension due to scleroderma waiting for lung transplant opportunity. Other 'While waiting for a lung transplant, I suffered kidney failure, respiratory failure, then heart failure, but was put on a respirator, heartbeat restored and place on life support in an induced coma for about 12 days. I was given a 5% chance for survival.
I was critically ill at the time, and considered terminal. But there is reason to believe that a 'loved one' tried to help the process along by poisoning me, hoping to cash in my life insurance.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time. It was like I suddenly could know everything going on.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything was beautiful, but in describing what I saw or should I say experienced is inadequate. I had no eyes and was aware there was no vision, but still an experience.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Again, knowing I had no ears, I only experienced. So I didn't actually hear only experienced.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Well, it was as if we passed through a wall into my light pod directly.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I think now the pod lights, like mine, were other souls connected to the center light God.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes There was a large majestic center light and then the individual, yet connected, pod lights exactly like the center light only smaller.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Yes, I was outside this universe.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, peace, wonder and contentedness.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I was waiting for the 'judgment', and was relieved to know that since I had done my best to act with love, the rest was just a part of my education, nothing to be guilty about, I had acted in love all my life. I also learned that I want to be ready to see God and join with Him again, and I will continue to live in love as a goal. Somehow this was just infused in me.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Only in the information that life would be painful for me. I thought it was to be physical pain, but it was emotional pain. But, also that I would live, get a transplant and continue on.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate 'Christian, seeing the thing God loves in others'
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I see us as all connected. If people are living in love for each other, with love compassion and forgiveness doing no harm to others, they will reunite with Him. Until then perhaps they reincarnate until they learn. I love Christ's message, but I believe our chosen religion has nothing to do with reaching AT-ONE-MENT. That is completely up to God and He may have many ways to teach us that. I don't ponder on it, I don't have to be right or wrong - it just is. This experience does not connect to anything I learned about 'heaven' or God in my religion, but I feel it is more real than anything I've read. I can now read the Bible and Christ's words and hear them differently based on my experience and relate better to them, and the current world.
What is your religion now? Liberal 'I am a Christian, but believe we have misinterpreted Christ's message.'
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I see us as all connected. If people are living in love for each other, with love compassion and forgiveness doing no harm to others, they will reunite with Him. Until then perhaps they reincarnate until they learn. I love Christ's message, but I believe our chosen religion has nothing to do with reaching AT-ONE-MENT. That is completely up to God and He may have many ways to teach us that. I don't ponder on it, I don't have to be right or wrong - it just is. This experience does not connect to anything I learned about 'heaven' or God in my religion, but I feel it is more real than anything I've read. I can now read the Bible and Christ's words and hear them differently based on my experience and relate better to them, and the current world.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Love, compassion for one another, peace and forgiveness are what we are here for. To learn that and we have accomplished something. We are all connected through God.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My life changed completely. My husband was seeing someone else when I was sick and left me when I lived through the transplant and he couldn't get the insurance payoff. But, my life is full and peaceful. My children are closer and wonderful to me. My friends are many and I get to do God's work while I'm here.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are no exact words to describe the things I 'saw' or 'heard' since I had no body and still had these experiences. What I 'saw' is not on Earth and I can only speak of it in metaphors.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Well, not fearing of death is a gift, and the fact that it will all be well after death is a gift.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Oh so many. The message of love, peace, and compassion. Everything at once. The beauty of it all and the beauty of the beings was remarkable. I miss it in reality, but hold it in my memory every day. I see that light in every persona and remember that I love them, and we are all connected. I love more fully and live more fully.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes At first, but the reaction was bad since it wasn't anything like that person wanted to hear. I haven't fully shared it again. I do share the visions, the message of love and feeling I experienced with people who are dying sometimes, if God brings them to me, and it seems he brings many to me.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had one as a child, when I was hit by a car, but it was very different. I fell through a light tunnel, and then was swimming toward a sunning shore ahead, the water was warmer near the shore and a beautiful lady was there. She turned me back to the darkness and wouldn't let me come ashore. She said you must go back.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew when I returned I would get a transplant and live longer, but I knew my life would be tenuous even if I got a transplant. Life may end at any minute by rejection, infection or just any anomaly. Even the drugs I take to stay alive may kill me. This experience has helped me have peace with that and live the life I have been given, this second time around. I died to learn how to live.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It has changed my views of eternity. I know I could adore God for eternity and it would be too short. I look forward to that.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I feel Earth life is not as important as we think it is. It's just a stage of education for our souls.