Experience Description

My little brother and I were very close. Growing up we only had each other, my mom worked away often. Anyway, by the time we were adults we knew each other so well we could joke without saying a word. I knew what every face he made meant. He was always the bright person in a room. I know people always say that when someone dies. But in this case, it was true. He was always the center of attention. He and Jackie met at a bar; she was just as fun, and at times, loud as him. Soon after they met, Jackie moved in with Jamie and very soon thereafter, she was expecting Jamie's first child. Jackie loved Jamie with all of her heart, and he loved her, but they were young and had so many things to face, not much money, and she fought everyday with an addiction to pain pills. Jamie didn't know how to handle the problem, looking back none of us did. Jamie was in the service and was about to go overseas for three months. They fought often over what would happen when he left, he didn't think she could take care of their newborn child while fighting with her addiction. She was terrified to get help for her problem. Jamie and I had finally agreed that Jackie and the baby would stay with me while he was away. I never found out what Jackie thought of the plan.

On April 3, I got a call from my brother that he was leaving work early to go home and face Jackie, he had gotten a call from the bank that she had tried to get some money and he was worried that she might have been looking for pills. I was supposed to get the baby that night after work, (It was just my weekend to spend time with her) he asked me to get her early. My mother brought the baby to me, and later I called my brother to ask how things were going. He told me that everything was fine, that she just needed money for gas and things and they were going to stay in and watch some movies and catch up on their sleep. I went on about my day, playing with the baby. My husband is a police officer and was not home when the baby and I laid down for the night. I must have fallen to sleep around ten that night.

I don't know how the dream started. I just know that my brother and I had been talking for a while, I knew we had been talking about his daughter, and what we were going to do, but I kept on talking as if we were taking about him leaving the country. Then, just in a space of a few seconds, everything started to click for me. The expression on his face was wrong for our conversation. I had made a joke and he didn't laugh. He told me to fight; He said I would have to fight for his daughter. That I needed to make sure she would be safe, and loved. Again, I knew something wasn't right by the look on his face, it looked almost like regret. No anger, no fear, more like disappointment. But, still I kept talking as if we were speaking about him leaving the country. I said 'Jamie, I will take care of your daughter, I would give my life to see that she is safe and happy. You know if Jackie tried to harm her I would have her in court and fight her so fast that she wouldn't even see it coming.' Then I heard Jackie's voice, she sounded aggravated, she said 'I don't want to fight her Jamie' But, Jamie didn't act as if her heard her, he just stared at me as if he was disappointed. Then all at once, I just understood. I don't know how, I don't know why. He didn't say anything about being dead, I just knew. All at once, I felt like there was a space in my heart that was full just moments before. He said, 'Take care of mine, I got yours.' Then my husband woke me up.

When I opened my eyes, the pain in my heart was so great it was a physical thing. I can still remember the way it went through me, loss. I looked at my husband and said 'Just tell me' he said 'Baby, I need to talk to you I need you to wake up' I said 'Brian, I'm awake, just say it' he said 'No, honey, I have to talk to you and I need you to wake up, I need you get up!' That's when I started to shake. I told him 'Brian, I had a dream about him.' He just looked at me, he didn't know what I was talking about really. Then I asked, 'Is Jamie dead?' He looked shocked that I had guessed what he was going to tell me, but said 'they had gone to the saloon, people at the bar said they had started to argue and left around 1:15 am, the truck was found about two miles from the saloon, they had both been drinking. They airlifted Jackie from the site to the hospital, she wasn't conscious at the site, she had been driving and they believe she was going too fast to control the truck, they don't think she is going to make it, they're going to do everything they can but they don't think they can stop the bleeding in her brain. Jamie was thrown from the truck, he was pronounced dead at the site.'

All I could do is say, I dreamed about him, I was right there, I had a dream about him, I just kept saying Jamie I'm so sorry. It was 3:39 am when my husband finally got the courage to come home and wake me up to tell me my brother was dead. He was nowhere near me when he got the call. I couldn't have overheard him while I slept, I couldn't have subconsciously lived out one last goodbye, I had no reason to. I couldn't have but that look on my brothers face. I couldn't have known to ask Brian if Jamie was dead if I hadn't had that dream. I wouldn't have known to tell him I had dreamed about Jamie before he opened his mouth. I live with the loss of my brother and Jackie every day. We have adopted my niece, and I would still lay down my life to keep her safe. There isn't a day that has passed that I don't think about my brother telling me to fight for her. I had a son that passed away ten years ago, that's when I knew Jamie had said goodbye, when he said 'Take care of mine, I got yours.' I knew he meant my son. I knew he meant his daughter, I knew he was gone before I woke up.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 4/4/2009

NDE Elements:

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? No sadness and/or grief feelings

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Asleep

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Everything was altered. There was nothing.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It wasn't like all other dreams, but there wasn't anything about it that I could point out that made it different. There wasn't a place behind us. We were just standing in nothing, not dark, not bright, just that the background didn't matter. I felt as if we were really standing in front of each other talking. We never touched, hugged nothing, he was maybe three feet in front of me. When I heard Jackie's voice, it came from high on the right side of where we were standing, but she wasn't there. I still don't know if he heard her, or if he was ignoring her. If he was unhappy with her, he would have ignored her just like that, but he wasn't being childish or petty, so I don't think he could hear her. I don't know.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain Jamie was my little brother. We were very close. Jackie was a very dear friend.

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I just could tell. I don't know how. I know he felt regret. I know he was being patient with me, but wanted me to get it. It wasn't like him to be passive, but he wasn't being pushy.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Only the conclusion, that due to his passing, I would need to fight for his daughter.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal I was and still am Baptist. But, do not attend church weekly.

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain This was sort of a shock. To be faced with something that doesn't happen. Even if you think you know it could.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes It confirmed, that despite what I or any of us think, there is so much more going on and we really don't have a clue. So, perhaps it's best to sit back and do things God's way more often.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain I don't have trouble expressing how I felt, but I think it would be very difficult to make people understand what the experience really means. I still have trouble believing all that this experience confirms as fact. So much to take in, yet so very little in the way of explanation. And, so sad. So very hard to deal with the fact that I had only a split second to understand fully what was going on before my husband woke me up. It hurts more than I could put into words that I had the chance to say so much and didn't understand I wasn't dreaming until it was too late.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part is that it happened. The worst, I can't make it happen again.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes My husband was shocked at the time, and then his need to protect us and help me live through my grief took over. I don't know, we don't talk about it. I have told many people. I just have this need to make them believe me. They all say they do, and then follows up with their own 'Ghost story.' I'm not sure they really get it. Or understand.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I'm not a flake. I'm not interested in being a medium. And, I haven't had one single dream about my brother since that night. I've even tried to think of him, and ask him to come back and do it again. But, nothing. I know it was real because, there is no way to have had the dream without ever being told of the accident. But also because I could feel it wasn't just like another dream.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No