Married for three years; no children, though wife was pregnant at the time of the Experience. I did not know until after the Experience.
We had separated. She left me due to her discovery of sexual promiscuity on my part.
I regularly smoked marijuana, drank little alcohol; no hard drugs or prescribed drugs for the most part. The exception was that I took LSD that night.
The night of 24th August, 1983, I was out with a friend, just cruising around and getting high. For years, this friend had tried to get me to do some LSD with him, but I always refused. This particular night, I said 'yes' because my life was spiraling downhill and felt I had very little to lose. I had no job and my wife left me when she out about sexual indiscretion.
I was already high from smoking marijuana. After 20 minutes of taking the LSD, the effects of the LSD was taking hold. I saw trails and colors with a sense of trying to hold on to my reality. A couple of hours later, I began to hear voices and seeing the life force in the trees as I passed them by. It seemed, the life forces in the trees were suffering and I could sense their groanings and sufferings. Eventually, I started hearing voices that seemed to center around my friend and I was sensing he completely succumbed to their influence. I became fearful that I was going to die and demanded that he take me home. With some initial resistance at first, he relented and took me home.
I hadn't been home very long, when I started noticing this sound in my ears (OM?). It started out as a high pitch sound (the sound of silence or the sound a person hears with tinnitus). The sound began to lower itself in octave. At a certain octave, I become aware of a certain vibration of everything around me. The vibration seemed to be at a corresponding rate as the sound, only opposite of each other. As the sound got lower, the vibratory rate got faster. As this was coming on, I suddenly felt the need to lay down. So, I laid down on the couch. I remember thinking I was just going to try and sleep this off.
After lying down on the couch, I remember looking up to the ceiling. The sound got lower and the vibratory rate got faster. I started seeing crosses that were distorted. The ends of the crosses swirled a bit. The surface of the ceiling was covered by these crosses. It happened that I turned my head a bit to look down at the clock sitting on top of my TV. It read around 11:00 p.m., give or take a couple of minutes. I no longer looked back up at the ceiling, a faint screen of yellow light started filling my field of vision and I felt something seize me, as if to secure me. This seizing had such control of my body, my arms began to move outwards as if to form a cross with my body.
Then, it happened! The yellow light got brighter as the vibratory rate got faster and the sound was reaching the light's vortex. Then, there was an exploding flash of light, going from yellow to white. The flash seemed to have taken place between my eyes at the center of my forehead. Then, I was no longer in my body. I was completely surrounded by blackness. The darkness was thick, as if I could feel it. However, as I began to take stock of myself, I had no body. Yet, knew I existed. I remember feeling at peace although I was surrounded and suspended in one place by darkness. I never saw my physical body after leaving it, nor did I float near the ceiling of the room my body was in.
After having some moments to gather myself in my new-found state. I suddenly felt like I was being lifted up by two beings, one on each side. Although, I could not see them. These Beings never revealed themselves, but, I knew they were there. They carried me out of the darkness and into what seemed like a sphere. When I began to see this cord of various lights begin to flash in and out of my field of vision. This cord seemed to be attached to me, yet I was traveling outside of it and with it until I came to an end.
When I stopped, my whole past history of my life flashed in an moment. Every thought, every feeling, every act, flashed through me. It made me feel that I was ready to leave this world. After this brief experience, I looked at a distance and saw a huge ball of fire; a light, emanating a desire for me to come closer. I remember feeling like I want to go into that Light. At this point, I started hearing these angelic voices saying, 'Let go! Let go!' I did. Or, at the very least, expressed my desire for them to let go of me. I suddenly started moving in a horizontal direction at a very fast rate of speed. I was headed directly for the Light. I noticed, as I got closer to the Light, there were parts of me that seemed to purge. I likened this experience to the scriptural refiners fire analogy.
However, as I got closer to the Light, despite the fact I wanted to go all the way. I suddenly felt like I was not worthy to enter it. I came to a sudden stop with my eyes fixated upon the Light. I never saw a Being, just a Light. At this point, a thundering voice spoke to me. It was not in the English language as we know it, but I was spoken to in a form of mind transference. The Voice made me aware that He had been watching me, was not pleased with my Life, and warned me to get my Life in order because He had a plan, a purpose for me to fulfill. And that was it, as far as the Voice speaking to me. I remember feeling the Love that was emanating from the Light. I felt great awe, but no fear and guilt.
Again, I felt two beings lift me from my suspension in front of the Light. This time, they carried me upwards. Instead of turning forward to see where I was going, I kept me eyes gazed upon the Light as I was speedily swept away from It. To my amazement, I saw something that was intriguing as I was moving away. What I saw was, to my slight right. It was a huge sphere of light. Opposite of it, horizontally, and to my slight left, in what seemed like from the direction I actually came from, was a huge void of darkness. The void was connected to two arms and tongues of fire emanated from the right and from the left. The fire moved in circular fashion from the sphere of Light. As the tongues moved closer to the void of darkness on the opposite side of this circular plane, they dissipated in brightness. It seemed to me that in those moments, all of creation was contained within these rings of fire. But, I do not honestly KNOW that. I DO KNOW that there were stars and other systems of stars contained within those rings of fire.
Once I had taken in all that I could take in, I turned my eyes toward the direction I was traveling while still being carried by two beings I could not see. They were consoling me. I think they were preparing me for what was coming next. In the next moment, I could see a very thin veil which looked to be translucent white and black. The two beings carried me slowly through the veil. I remember feeling the veil sooth across my face. Once I broke through, I KNEW ALL THINGS! Let me say that again... I KNEW ALL THINGS! It wasn't but for a couple of moments, but the effects of knowledge began to fill my being.
Suddenly, I passed through another veil. I was back into my body and sitting up on the couch. The first thing I noticed was the clock on the TV. It read around 1:00 AM, with the second hand moving backwards to a slow stop. Then, the second hand moved forward again. I got up from the couch, somewhat confused as to where in time I popped out. I went into the kitchen, looked at the calendar, and walked back into the living room having ascertained, all is well. My state of consciousness was that of pure JOY! I felt very light in terms of weight. I felt that all I had to do was give the command and I could have floated to the ceiling; but, I also knew that I was not suppose to do that.
When I was in the realm of knowledge, I was shown my future and the actual purpose that the Light sent me back to my body. This knowledge was gone when I returned, not even a remnant of memory left from the experience. However, I was left with some strong feelings that I must press on with my purpose, whatever that was. I was left with this insatiable desire to tell the whole world. I began to feel what I might suffer by doing so, thinking how I would be laughed at, perhaps even scorned by relaying the experience. I could feel I was being tempted with doubt and fear, questions entering my mind, 'Did this really happen to me?' 'Was this experience from God?' 'Did I have an actual vision from God?' 'Why?' 'Is there more?' My resolve by nights end: I KNOW I had a vision from God. I knew it, and I knew that God knows it. And that is all that matters. Having paced the living room floor for several hours, it was around 5:00 AM, when I began to grow very weak. My body was yearning for sleep. I fell asleep on the couch and awoke around 10:00 AM. I felt refreshed and full of vitality. I could feel I was still under some spiritual influence. The waning of this influence lasted for several days. I could hear peoples thoughts as they passed by me and I could feel their feelings. Despite feeling trouble in some souls, I still felt things were good. My search for had Truth begun.
Date NDE Occurred: 25 August 1983
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. Drug or medication overdose. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function).
I had taken LSD, smoked some marijuana, and drank some alcohol. While I used to think for many years that the experience was induced by the drugs, I'm convinced now that the supernatural part of the experience was divine intervention. In other words, I believe I died that night, God intervened, showed me some things, and brought me back for a purpose.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes. While answering 'yes' to this question, when in the realm of knowledge and testifying that I KNEW all things, it was all taken away when passing through another veil which found me back into my body, and sitting on my couch. Over the years, I have had some premonition-type experiences that was enough to scare the hell out of my wife. She has also shared with me how I knew her feelings about things, about her, that she thought were buried in the depths of her secret heart. That too, scared her some.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. The Experience lasted approximately two hours in real Earth time. Yet, during the experience, it seemed like there was no time. Everything just was. Even the after-effects that lingered for a few days afterward, were of the mind of feeling/seeing (with spiritual eyes) the ethereal world around me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Throughout the whole experience, I haven't forgotten any details. This is the first I have written, in detail, the whole of the Experience. It is as fresh in memory today, as the day it happened. I will not know, anymore then, than I do right now, that God did indeed, speak to me.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning.
Other than seeing the clock just before leaving my body, and seeing the clock right after returning to my body, there was no concept of time in between. All things was, were, and are to become, if you will pardon the esoteric wording.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Never noticed any change in vision after the experience, only that it got worse over time. I had lasik surgery approximately 20 years later.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Never noticed any change in hearing after the experience, only that it got worse over time as well. Right now, the ringing in both my ears are constant and loud. My wife complains I listen to the TV too loud, and background noise seems to drown out the forward dialogue in many shows, even taking into account the technical quality of the the audio having some effect.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Going from the dark sphere to where I could freely travel to the light, there was a cord-like thing waving in from of me. It seemed to be attached to me, and though it seemed like I passed through it in segments of the travel, I never felt like I was traveling through a tunnel. It is weird actually; it almost seemed like it was attached to me like an umbilical cord. When I got to the end, before being 'let go' from the beings carrying me, I had to make a choice to let go. They could not thrust me at will toward the Light. I never noticed the seeming attached cord after I 'let go.'
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I remember fragments of alive people. I saw the girl I was dating standing on a porch waving at me as I drove by her house. She had a pig's head. I felt that the pig's head served as a warning to stay away from her.
I saw a fragment of some people who owned a dairy shop two doors down from my house. Penny and I had become good friends with this couple. However, I cannot remember the fragment.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a spherical ball of Light. It had tongues of fire emanating/extending, horizontally, from the right and from the left in an arc and dissipating in brightness into a void of darkness on the opposite side of the horizontal plane. It seemed to me that stars and star systems were contained in the tongues of fire.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. The darkness was the first place unknown to me. Its placement was obscured. There was no light, so, it stands to reason. The next place, was centered in front of the Light. If I was to describe placement, it would be in the center of the universe. I was in the realm of Knowledge, while traveling vertically in an upward direction from the Light. I started traveling horizontally to a veil, which once broken, I knew everything. Then, again, traveling horizontally, I broke through the veil on the other side of this realm and found myself back into my body, sitting on the couch.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt Love, Peace, Awe, Wonder, Joy, Curiosity, and some feelings that words could never explain; some there are no words for.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. As I have mentioned several times before, I KNEW all things. I understood all things. The understanding brought a strong sense of harmony and unity.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. I can't. Because I saw everything, I cannot pinpoint any one thing. I just know my past history flashed before me in an instant or moment.
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I saw my future as it pertains to the purpose that God has for me. And I saw fragmented things of other people and events. But, those things were taken from me once I found myself in the room. No matter how this question is asked, if you know all things as the experience revealed, then seeing all things should be a given. And if all that was taken once sent back, it is redundant to try an answer in detail if no memory was left in that part of the experience.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain I am not aware of anything being Physical throughout the experience. But, there were certainly spiritual boundaries. I was not allowed to travel into the Light from the center from which I was suspended before the Light. The crossing of two veils before finding myself in my body again supposes a boundary.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Though upbringing was Christian-Protestant, I was not affiliated with any church at the time of the experience.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Growing up in a Protestant church taught me how sinful I was and that I could not please God. Once I found the Church of Jesus Christ a year and a half after the experience, this helped change my view of myself and how God truly feels about us. Many of the tenets of the LDS church has confirmed my experience many times over the years. Our church was formed because a 14 year old had a vision, thereby, much of this boys experience was parallel to my own. The Church and its leadership has always been open-minded to those who have these experiences and welcome the added light they bring in furthering the knowledge of its members. I believe, as do all LDS, in revelations, visions, dreams, angelic visitations. And I look forward to more that God finds in His own wisdom to reveal to Man for his eternal life and exaltation.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Mormon Mormonism was able to satisfy a great deal of my understanding of the purpose of Life. However, after a membership of 30+ years, I'm beginning to feel there is more to MY purpose than I can grasp at this chapter in my life.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I don't know where to begin to describe this.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Reconciled with my wife and repented of my sins against her. Started having children. I felt the responsibility for ME, as their parent, to teach them the Gospel. Sacrifice by tithing. Obedience to the Commandments. Attending Church.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. The Voice, while heard, the communication was not of any language that I know of or ever heard before. It was like no words were actually spoken. I just KNEW what the Voice wanted me to know and there was a sound. The sound seemed like it was enmeshed with the message it wanted me to know, but no words were actually spoken in any language that I know. Also, conveyed was the Voices true feelings towards me. The whole of this segment of the Experience made me feel chastised, but loved; disappointed, but merciful; purged, but blessed with more.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Same reasoning as above. I have to testify thta I did, since I KNEW everything at one point in the experience, despite the memories being obscured in my present state of consciousness.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes It wasn't until I entered into realm of knowledge that the sense of oneness came.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Admittedly, I never saw a being, physical, resurrected, or otherwise. But, standing before a Light that speaks to me gave me every sense I need to feel that IT was more powerful than I was, allowed me some access into things that were eternal, and left me with an indelible impression that my destiny lies in returning back to 'Him.'
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I came from that experience KNOWING God had a purpose for me, though I had to figure it out for myself.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Same reasoning above. I knew, but it was removed.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists. Yes. All things were revealed to me. Any testimony I have of specific things that were revealed to me during the Experience, only came by faith through the years succeeding. Life after death for example. It stands to reason that anyone who Experiences what I did, will be left with the opportunity to KNOW after they have exercised faith. Why else would everything I experienced be wiped clean if not tested exactly like everyone else?
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes That there is a spiritual world aside from this physical world that we may not see with our physical eyes, yet exists.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Same reasoning above.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt the Love from the Light despite the fact it let me know It was not pleased with me.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I started praying, reading the scriptures, studying other religions, attending and serving in church, staring into the heavens more, and expanding my world view. I have an insatiable desire to know the Truth. I treat others more kindly, and am more forgiving.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My wife and I have suffered tremendous pain through the years. Me becoming the husband I needed to be for keeping me around for 37 years has taken a lot of work, sacrifice, and dedication. We also suffered the loss of our first grandson. It tested our marriage and created some division at first. It tested our faith in Go.d But, we stayed the course. Penny and I developed an eternal perspective of our marriage after becoming members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We had our marriage consummated after taking eternal vowels in one of our temples. It provided a whole new perspective that gave us the strength to NEVER give up on each other no matter what happens to us. I believe our children's marriages are strengthened as a result as well.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. The impression upon my mind of this Experience is unequivocal to ANY experience I have had in my Life.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can write. I have an uncanny ability to discern how the Adversary uses power to get the children of God to turn from Him, mostly through politics and commerce. I have the ability to articulate the human condition and how to find resolve in overcoming it. I became a fixer, if you will.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? There is a sense of wholeness that came from the Experience that would render imprudent to select any one aspect of it.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared my experience with a good friend at the time the very same day. He spent his life seeking to have the same experience. I've told others, only if I felt prompted to. But, I have crafted soft language to describe it. I can tell the subject matter causes a discomfort in most. I use general terms with very little details anymore. Mostly now, I keep it to myself.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. From day one, I never questioned the reality of the experience. But, there were times I question WHY? it happened. Why was I chosen to have this experience? What makes me any more special than the next guy? It's like being one of the few who survive a combat mission.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Nothing has changed since ground zero in this regard, accept I hold a higher perspective as to its meaning. I believe God did in fact call me to save me from myself. I believe he saw my destructive path and loved me enough to elect me for a purpose. I believe He knew what it would take to nudge me in that direction. He did it, I love Him for it, and NOTHING could ever turn me from it.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? The questions pertaining to inside the experience with specific details. I was perplexed by the fact that everything I learned inside the Experience was taken away as fast as I received it. It has only been after many years of exercising Faith that I come to know why. If I am to be judged according to the same Laws as everyone else, despite seeing all, I must find out the Truth in the same manner as they. I have learned that this is how we truly come to love God with ALL our heart, might, mind, and strength. It keeps us from fooling ourselves. It provides a means of understanding how all things exist, including God. There is a fractal connection between us and the Being that created us. He wants us to understand that connection by putting us all on an equal footing. Faith is that platform. So, at least I hope there is an understanding that specifics may not be provided because all things must be found out on a principle of Faith. Faith is what leads to a perfect knowledge. It requires hope + action for the reality to manifest into KNOWING, or remembering. In any case, most of us learn more outside the Experience despite the eternal worth of what is experienced within it.